Who I Am

Well, I am still figuring that out. But I shocked myself to find that I like myself the way I am. I am usually a pretty chill person. I have my moments, but we all do. But the thing is that in life, we all face some kind of rejection, and some more than others. I was trying to argue this broken heart thing with an African friend last night, and he was preaching it to me! I felt like a whiny baby after one of his comments. And he pulled the Jesus card. How could I argue with that?

I have been thinking about worth. Self-worth mostly. I am learning more and more about the power of prayer and the awesome way God heals us. The way he takes our brokenness and patches us up so well. But that usually is about who we are, not how we feel about who we are. Once we realize who we are in Christ, we usually can begin to see our value.

I was laying in bed one morning, considering what I could do to lose some weight. I realized in that moment that if I expect a man to love me just as I am, I need to really love myself, just as I am right in this moment. My accentuated curves and all. Not when I become someone better, thinner, prettier. I think at the very core of it is the human need to be loved and accepted just as we are.

I'm never going to be a size 6 and I'm ok with that. But I want to be more than just ok with it. I just want to be who God created me to be. As I was at a Middle Eastern Dance class yesterday, I realized as I watched myself in the obnoxiously large mirror wall, that I looked like quite a woman (duh!). And I have the hips to complete the moves. It was really fun, and made me feel very feminine, and actually enjoy this hourglass figure I seem to keep. At least as long as I kept my eyes on the instructor and didn't watch myself in the mirror wall. I was pretty good at it for just dropping in on a class. It reminded me of the dance class I took in high school. It felt so good to move my body and dance around to the beat. It was a nice workout, and reminded me that I am worthy. At least I know that I matter to God, and he is the one I should be most concerned about.