I don't think I have ever been so excited to give something up before! I do realize I am about a week late here of jumping of the bandwagon, but I am all in! God has laid it on my heart in the last few days that I need to take a facebook break and refocus. So after a conversation with a friend today, I realized today was the day to begin.
At that moment, I realized that I was a new creation. I felt freed! It was more than just from facebook. I have some questions for my heavenly father, and I know that in limiting my distractions, I am much more likely to seek until I find.
The icing on the cake was tonight at youth group. I had been asked to pray for all the request tonight, and their were many! As I was about to pray, God laid on my heart a conversation I had with a friend earlier that day that left me a little rattled. This friend knows what I believe, yet has shared little beliefs other than they do not agree with me. So today, I asked said friend what then do you believe? And the reply is still ringing in my head.
"I do not believe in God or Jesus. I believe in nothing, because nothing has been proven to me."
Did you hear that, Jesus? Sound like a challenge to me! So I asked my teens tonight if they thought God could change hearts. They surprised me by nodding profusely and many passionately yelled "yes!" I went on to ask, "Do you think God will show himself to this doubting friend of mine?" This time they practically jumped out of their seats and began to cheer!
So I challenged them to pray with me. Pray that God would show up in a huge way, and prove himself to be the one and only, true God! They said they would.
And I cannot wait to get my fast going and to dive deeper into the Bible, as I listen to what God wants to reveal to me. I am so energized and excited, as I already know it will be a very fruitful time! It already has been!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
A Testimony
This is my journey of faith, leading to now. Warning: it is kind of long, but I wrote it out for a friend who was asking me how I know I am serving the right god. I wasn't really sure how to answer that other than saying "I just know." God has proven himself to me time and time again. He has been faithful, and I know he is there. And it helps that faith is one of my spiritual gifts.
I was raised in a Christian home and we went to church. When I was five I prayed with my mom to ask Jesus into my heart, which basically meant praying and making a declaration that I was now a Christian of my own choice. Some call this salvation, or being saved. I continued to grow up in a home with Christian morals, and we went to church EVERY Sunday, (unless you were very sick). I taught the two year old Sunday School class since I was 14, worked in the nursery a few times a month, and was active at my church. When I was 17, at a big Christian youth event with thousands of other teens, I remitted my life to Christ. Basically I was convicted (emotionally moved by the Holy Spirit and convinced) that I was not living rightly, and wanted to change. I was not a bad kid, but I was selfish sometimes and I was into soap operas, smut I did not need in my life. I gave it up and things turned around. I suddenly had a lot of friends, something I had always wanted and prayed for. I had my first boyfriend and I was really happy! But it felt like a struggle to always do "the right thing." I struggled to read my Bible every day. Reading was a chore for me for so many years, and then I would feel guilty for not reading it more regularly. I mistakenly thought that was the measure of my faith.
Now I was in college. I continued working at my church and was promoted to Child Care Coordinator, and in charged of all childcare needs in a church of over 1,000 members. I didn't go to service much because I was always watching the kids as the adults went to church. I tried not to become resentful about that, but I was also really committed to those babies, and some, only I was able to soothe. It made me feel needed and I felt very responsible to those parents who were trusting me with the care of their infant. I also would go to camps as a counselor and help with the youth on occasion. I attempted to lead a college aged Bible Study for a few years, which would always die after a few months, so I met with other Christian's and started to be a part of Bible study groups with other women. It was huge for me, because I was always a lot younger than the other ladies, and I was relatively shy at this point in life.
I heard about orphans in Liberia, and I wanted to go. I got in contact with a small organization soon making a trip to Liberia and began praying about going. I had just talked to a friend about going, and though I wanted to, I was not ready to say yes. My parents did not like the idea of me going to Africa. I was 23, and they told me I needed to pray and listen to what God was calling me to, but I knew they were afraid to let me go. I was too, but more excited than scared. I was in my car at school, praying, asking God to tell me what I should do and as soon as I stopped praying, the lyrics playing on the radio were, "For the children around the world without a home, say a prayer tonight." I immediately started crying because I knew that was God telling me to go. It was the point of no return!
I went for most of a semester, and fell in love with the children. They were so needy and broken, yet so precious. I wished I could have multiplied myself to give each one the love and nurturing they so desired. I was exhausted every day, as groups of children surrounded me nearly all day, but never before did I feel like I was exactly where I needed to be. One little boy, Christian, claimed me as his mother and when I was in the guesthouse at meal time, he would stand outside of the window, and yell "mom" over and over til I came out or one of the other children told him to go away. I sobbed saying goodbye to those 500 children I had come to know over the 10 weeks I was living at their orphanage. I wept all the way to the airport and as I got on the plane, feeling like I was leaving my babies behind. All I wanted to do was stay with them. I almost did, but my grandpa was dying and I needed to come home as planned. I pulled the hood on my hoodie up to cover my eyes, and burred my head against the window and the seat and cried myself to sleep for the first time in my life on that plane. I prayed and I asked God what was next. I kept praying these little prayers, "Lord, speak to me," and "Lord, use me for your purpose." I came home and was depressed for months, and wondered how I could care for orphans like I had in Africa, within the US.
I worked on finishing my degree, though I was still not sure what kind of job I would want to do, and helped with the youth group at my church some. I kept loving babies in my church's nursery. A year and a half later, I was in Liberia again. This time I was attacked in the middle of the night in my guest house. A machete sliced through my door and my hands as I struggled to keep the men out and gun was pointed at me. I was never afraid, but determined that I was in control and as long as the attackers stayed out of my bedroom, I was safe. I later learned that 2 of my close friends woke in the middle of the night knowing they have to pray for my safety. I don't believe in coincidences. Twelve stitches later, I was fine. God kept me safe.
And after over a year of praying about the man I had gone to Liberia with twice, he finally made a move and we became a couple. And I really wanted him, and asked God to give him to me as my husband. And though things quickly moved to an engagement, it ended in heartache for me. It felt like God did not come through for me and it took me two years of crying and growing in my faith to see that it was because God is my loving father. He did not let us get married then because that man was not what was best for me. He denied me what I wanted in the short term, so I could grow and become stronger and more reliant on him in the long term.
As I was trying to heal, wounds still fresh, I met this Christian lady pastor. She talked about people speaking in tongues, or a prayer language, that was speaking in different languages, but was a totally spiritual thing. She talked about being baptized in the Spirit, and that Christian's have access to the supernatural through the Holy Spirit. I thought she was a little off, and she might have been, but as I tried to sleep that night, God got my attention! I woken up, wide awake and terrified at 3AM the morning after this lady shared all this with me. I felt the presence of another and I was super scared. I knew God was wanting me to receive the Holy Spirit, and I tried to roll over and fall back asleep. I couldn't. With palms and feet leaving sweat marks on my sheets, my trembling fingers opened my Bible to Acts, where it talks about the Holy Spirit coming on the Believers on the day of Pentecost after Jesus ascended into heaven. I told God I believed and I wanted the Holy Spirit, and could I please go to sleep now? I fell right to sleep once I surrendered my will.
Really struggling with my unknown future through tears I had begged God to change my reality one night, and the next day I got a call from someone at my church asking if I would like to go to Kenya in her place. Something had come up and she suddenly was unable to go, but they still needed someone to run children's ministries on the team. Oh, and the trip was in 6 weeks and I would need to raise $2,500! I asked for help and the money miraculously pored in. I went to Kenya, and God used me. It was not nearly as exciting to me as Liberia. Sure, the Great Rift Valley was amazing, and so were seeing the animals at the game park. The children we worked with were beautiful and full of energy, and precious little songs with British/African English. But her people were not the ones I loved in Liberia. I began to heal emotionally there.
I came home, and God provided a job for me in youth ministry, though I really wanted to serve in Liberia for a few years. It could have been a better experience, but I did learn a lot working as a youth director. The biggest thing I learned is that when pastors are not seeking God, he will not bless what efforts they do make. And then I was unemployed, yet felt so free of those I had been working for and still grieving the loss of the man I thought I wanted. But God used that time to woo me. He showed me he was dependable, not only to meet my material needs, but also to care for my wounded heart. I began to heal in ways I was not able to find in all my trying before. I became a volunteer for a living... Except there was no paycheck. My days were spent serving others, and I was so joyful. I was leading Bible Study for youth one day, and retired ladies the next. I was pulled into helping with a new youth group and doing Young Life in a local High School. It was amazing, and I knew God would provide. I was growing so much closer to him. There was not one need I had that ever went unmet during that time. A friend would bless me by paying for my ticket, conference fee, lunch, whatever the need was, it was met without me ever having to ask. If I had a bill to pay, a weekend babysitting job would pop up just before it was due. God took such good care of me, I had no problem expecting him to come through.
I went to conference on God's power and love this past summer and learned so much. Once a person becomes a Christian, they have the God-given power to do all the things that Jesus did on earth through the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit, but most Christian's do not understand this. But to access this power takes faith and the Holy Spirit. So in understanding the power of my words, and that demons have to flee if I command them to do so in the name of Jesus, I take that authority and have commanded away pain and sickness in people. I am still new at this part, but I am so excited to pray for people and bless them. And as I was doing this, God blessed me with my dream job. Well, the dream job where I earn a paycheck anyway. (Being a wife and mommy, and serving as a missionary in the third world are still at the top of the list of dream jobs for me!)
That takes me to now. After all the healing and some unemployed months, I finally found an amazing job that I not only love, but I do really well. And then it hits me, that in my work, God answered my prayers from before. That I am caring for the "orphans" of the first world. I am a case manager, and I represent children who have lost their voice. And it just makes me emotional all over again because I realize that God loves me that much that he would take me so far and so long, just to prove that he will come through for me. I believe that the Bible is God inspired word. The old testament contains the history of 3 major religions. I believe that God has a great plan for my life. I have received prophetic word that my future husband and I will work in ministry together, serving people who need a voice. People who have the Holy Spirit, or "Spirit Filled" get all kinds of messages for me from God at times. I love receiving "a word of knowledge" and these messages from God through another tend to come faster than I can write down. The most recent one was a few weeks ago, and it was that I am a person of influence. That though I may not be loud or demanding, the way I carry myself and character speaks volumes. This was someone who I had never met before, and knew nothing about my life! It was just very encouraging.
And this is my story as written in the beginning of 2013. It is a constantly changing story, and certain parts stand out to me today, that might not the next time I write it all out. God is always moving, and as I am living continue to discover his plan for me. With all the uncertainty in my life, he is the one constant, and I am so thankful for that!
I was raised in a Christian home and we went to church. When I was five I prayed with my mom to ask Jesus into my heart, which basically meant praying and making a declaration that I was now a Christian of my own choice. Some call this salvation, or being saved. I continued to grow up in a home with Christian morals, and we went to church EVERY Sunday, (unless you were very sick). I taught the two year old Sunday School class since I was 14, worked in the nursery a few times a month, and was active at my church. When I was 17, at a big Christian youth event with thousands of other teens, I remitted my life to Christ. Basically I was convicted (emotionally moved by the Holy Spirit and convinced) that I was not living rightly, and wanted to change. I was not a bad kid, but I was selfish sometimes and I was into soap operas, smut I did not need in my life. I gave it up and things turned around. I suddenly had a lot of friends, something I had always wanted and prayed for. I had my first boyfriend and I was really happy! But it felt like a struggle to always do "the right thing." I struggled to read my Bible every day. Reading was a chore for me for so many years, and then I would feel guilty for not reading it more regularly. I mistakenly thought that was the measure of my faith.
Now I was in college. I continued working at my church and was promoted to Child Care Coordinator, and in charged of all childcare needs in a church of over 1,000 members. I didn't go to service much because I was always watching the kids as the adults went to church. I tried not to become resentful about that, but I was also really committed to those babies, and some, only I was able to soothe. It made me feel needed and I felt very responsible to those parents who were trusting me with the care of their infant. I also would go to camps as a counselor and help with the youth on occasion. I attempted to lead a college aged Bible Study for a few years, which would always die after a few months, so I met with other Christian's and started to be a part of Bible study groups with other women. It was huge for me, because I was always a lot younger than the other ladies, and I was relatively shy at this point in life.
I heard about orphans in Liberia, and I wanted to go. I got in contact with a small organization soon making a trip to Liberia and began praying about going. I had just talked to a friend about going, and though I wanted to, I was not ready to say yes. My parents did not like the idea of me going to Africa. I was 23, and they told me I needed to pray and listen to what God was calling me to, but I knew they were afraid to let me go. I was too, but more excited than scared. I was in my car at school, praying, asking God to tell me what I should do and as soon as I stopped praying, the lyrics playing on the radio were, "For the children around the world without a home, say a prayer tonight." I immediately started crying because I knew that was God telling me to go. It was the point of no return!
I went for most of a semester, and fell in love with the children. They were so needy and broken, yet so precious. I wished I could have multiplied myself to give each one the love and nurturing they so desired. I was exhausted every day, as groups of children surrounded me nearly all day, but never before did I feel like I was exactly where I needed to be. One little boy, Christian, claimed me as his mother and when I was in the guesthouse at meal time, he would stand outside of the window, and yell "mom" over and over til I came out or one of the other children told him to go away. I sobbed saying goodbye to those 500 children I had come to know over the 10 weeks I was living at their orphanage. I wept all the way to the airport and as I got on the plane, feeling like I was leaving my babies behind. All I wanted to do was stay with them. I almost did, but my grandpa was dying and I needed to come home as planned. I pulled the hood on my hoodie up to cover my eyes, and burred my head against the window and the seat and cried myself to sleep for the first time in my life on that plane. I prayed and I asked God what was next. I kept praying these little prayers, "Lord, speak to me," and "Lord, use me for your purpose." I came home and was depressed for months, and wondered how I could care for orphans like I had in Africa, within the US.
I worked on finishing my degree, though I was still not sure what kind of job I would want to do, and helped with the youth group at my church some. I kept loving babies in my church's nursery. A year and a half later, I was in Liberia again. This time I was attacked in the middle of the night in my guest house. A machete sliced through my door and my hands as I struggled to keep the men out and gun was pointed at me. I was never afraid, but determined that I was in control and as long as the attackers stayed out of my bedroom, I was safe. I later learned that 2 of my close friends woke in the middle of the night knowing they have to pray for my safety. I don't believe in coincidences. Twelve stitches later, I was fine. God kept me safe.
And after over a year of praying about the man I had gone to Liberia with twice, he finally made a move and we became a couple. And I really wanted him, and asked God to give him to me as my husband. And though things quickly moved to an engagement, it ended in heartache for me. It felt like God did not come through for me and it took me two years of crying and growing in my faith to see that it was because God is my loving father. He did not let us get married then because that man was not what was best for me. He denied me what I wanted in the short term, so I could grow and become stronger and more reliant on him in the long term.
As I was trying to heal, wounds still fresh, I met this Christian lady pastor. She talked about people speaking in tongues, or a prayer language, that was speaking in different languages, but was a totally spiritual thing. She talked about being baptized in the Spirit, and that Christian's have access to the supernatural through the Holy Spirit. I thought she was a little off, and she might have been, but as I tried to sleep that night, God got my attention! I woken up, wide awake and terrified at 3AM the morning after this lady shared all this with me. I felt the presence of another and I was super scared. I knew God was wanting me to receive the Holy Spirit, and I tried to roll over and fall back asleep. I couldn't. With palms and feet leaving sweat marks on my sheets, my trembling fingers opened my Bible to Acts, where it talks about the Holy Spirit coming on the Believers on the day of Pentecost after Jesus ascended into heaven. I told God I believed and I wanted the Holy Spirit, and could I please go to sleep now? I fell right to sleep once I surrendered my will.
Really struggling with my unknown future through tears I had begged God to change my reality one night, and the next day I got a call from someone at my church asking if I would like to go to Kenya in her place. Something had come up and she suddenly was unable to go, but they still needed someone to run children's ministries on the team. Oh, and the trip was in 6 weeks and I would need to raise $2,500! I asked for help and the money miraculously pored in. I went to Kenya, and God used me. It was not nearly as exciting to me as Liberia. Sure, the Great Rift Valley was amazing, and so were seeing the animals at the game park. The children we worked with were beautiful and full of energy, and precious little songs with British/African English. But her people were not the ones I loved in Liberia. I began to heal emotionally there.
I came home, and God provided a job for me in youth ministry, though I really wanted to serve in Liberia for a few years. It could have been a better experience, but I did learn a lot working as a youth director. The biggest thing I learned is that when pastors are not seeking God, he will not bless what efforts they do make. And then I was unemployed, yet felt so free of those I had been working for and still grieving the loss of the man I thought I wanted. But God used that time to woo me. He showed me he was dependable, not only to meet my material needs, but also to care for my wounded heart. I began to heal in ways I was not able to find in all my trying before. I became a volunteer for a living... Except there was no paycheck. My days were spent serving others, and I was so joyful. I was leading Bible Study for youth one day, and retired ladies the next. I was pulled into helping with a new youth group and doing Young Life in a local High School. It was amazing, and I knew God would provide. I was growing so much closer to him. There was not one need I had that ever went unmet during that time. A friend would bless me by paying for my ticket, conference fee, lunch, whatever the need was, it was met without me ever having to ask. If I had a bill to pay, a weekend babysitting job would pop up just before it was due. God took such good care of me, I had no problem expecting him to come through.
I went to conference on God's power and love this past summer and learned so much. Once a person becomes a Christian, they have the God-given power to do all the things that Jesus did on earth through the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit, but most Christian's do not understand this. But to access this power takes faith and the Holy Spirit. So in understanding the power of my words, and that demons have to flee if I command them to do so in the name of Jesus, I take that authority and have commanded away pain and sickness in people. I am still new at this part, but I am so excited to pray for people and bless them. And as I was doing this, God blessed me with my dream job. Well, the dream job where I earn a paycheck anyway. (Being a wife and mommy, and serving as a missionary in the third world are still at the top of the list of dream jobs for me!)
That takes me to now. After all the healing and some unemployed months, I finally found an amazing job that I not only love, but I do really well. And then it hits me, that in my work, God answered my prayers from before. That I am caring for the "orphans" of the first world. I am a case manager, and I represent children who have lost their voice. And it just makes me emotional all over again because I realize that God loves me that much that he would take me so far and so long, just to prove that he will come through for me. I believe that the Bible is God inspired word. The old testament contains the history of 3 major religions. I believe that God has a great plan for my life. I have received prophetic word that my future husband and I will work in ministry together, serving people who need a voice. People who have the Holy Spirit, or "Spirit Filled" get all kinds of messages for me from God at times. I love receiving "a word of knowledge" and these messages from God through another tend to come faster than I can write down. The most recent one was a few weeks ago, and it was that I am a person of influence. That though I may not be loud or demanding, the way I carry myself and character speaks volumes. This was someone who I had never met before, and knew nothing about my life! It was just very encouraging.
And this is my story as written in the beginning of 2013. It is a constantly changing story, and certain parts stand out to me today, that might not the next time I write it all out. God is always moving, and as I am living continue to discover his plan for me. With all the uncertainty in my life, he is the one constant, and I am so thankful for that!
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