Sunday Prayers and Quiet Time

I have come to really enjoy my peaceful Sunday afternoons.  After last weeks weekend youth ski retreat, today was mostly a lazy Sunday, and it is the last for some time.  My church is starting contemporary worship service on Sunday evenings, 6:25 Alive! next Sunday, and I am excited for that, but I will become much more busy on Sundays.  I am starting a small group with some of my girls, which meets before the service.  It should be really great, and I am excited to see what will come out of it.

I spent this Sunday baking a little after church, playing citiville, which is becoming addictive, (yikes!) and praying and meditating on Scripture, or at least trying to.  On the weekends I often bake or sew and read.  I made a chocolate cheesecake, a plain cheesecake, and assisted Ethan in making a spaghetti cake.  It looked really cool!  I flipped through a Food Network magazine and cooked lunch for myself on Saturday.  I love this time to relax and do what I want to do.

This evening, my meditation time turned into prayer and some revelations, I hope were from God.  I am really trying to get into this new Bible Study, and meditating on Scripture, but I ended up falling asleep as I was asking for understanding and discernment to these new things I was hearing as to whether or not it was God or my conscience.  The study I am in now is called "Discerning the Voice of God."  I sure hope I learn well, because I have some big questions and some life changing decisions to make soon.  They are all good and positive things, but I do not want to do them just because I want them, I want to be sure it is also what God wants, because I have learned this is vital!

I'm praying and asking God to release me form a few situations I still feel I should pray about.  I would really love to cross them off my prayer list, but I'm trusting God for this.  I am praying for a few needs and a few wants.  I don't have my heart set on anything any longer, I just want clarity and the green light to move forward, to cross some prayers off my list as answered, or to move in a different direction by God's prompting.

I have been challenged to have more faith in one situation I often bring before God.  As I was praying I realized I had complete faith in him for most things in my life, but in one area, I have stopped trusting him to come through.  My attitude towards this issue has been more like, "God move if you feel like it..." then, "Lord, I know you want the best for me, and I praise you that you are going to come through on this and bless me."  The Bish taught me to pray like that, and it charges me up and renews my faith.  He showed me what faith God wants and I have seen his faith at work.  I miss his wise council.  Email is just not the same!

I had a dream a few days ago, I was holding this beautiful, perfect, strong, newborn baby boy.  He looked a little like two of my brothers as newborns, only he was even more handsome than my mom's most beautiful baby.  He had dark brown hair, big dark eyes and I was absolutely delighted by him.  He cuddled me close, and it was love!  This was a big deal for two reasons, It was a wonderful start to my day, and I do not usually dream.  For more than two years, following a trauma, I have had trouble sleeping, and about 4 or 5 nights a week, I would take melatonin or a prescription medication to help me sleep.  But I was usually drowsy all day and hardly ever energized and suffered from dizzy spells on a regular basis, nausea and headaches, though doctors couldn't really explain it, and said I was healthy.  I tried not to let it slow me down too much, but I was taking a lot of pain medications to get through my day and going to bed earlier and earlier with little relief, though I mostly was used to this lifestyle by now.

A few weeks ago, after reading the story in Mark about the bleeding woman, and how her faith healed her, I asked God to heal me (duh!).  I told him I believe he has the power and I asked him to restore my health to the way it was three years ago.  As I was praying I heard him saying, stop taking anything to sleep, so I did.  It took self control as I lay awake for hours a few nights, or woke up many times, after finally falling asleep, but now I am sleeping pretty well without any sleep aid, but a prayer every night that I would sleep well and wake up with energy.  It has come slowly, but I have been waking with more energy and feeling pretty good.  I have not had any dizziness and hardly any of the heavy, foggy feeling in my head, I felt daily.  God is doing a work in me, and I have to keep trusting and praying the enemy away!  I am about 85% better, and wake up most days praising God for a clear head, though much remains on my mind.

And Africa... I shouldn't even get started on Africa!  My David has been sick with Malaria, and I so badly wish I could have taken him to the hospital.  Texts and sending money are just not good enough for me.  But I just praise God that I get to take some young adults at the end of July.  I wish it was Liberia though.  It never seems to drift too far away, and I wonder about a trip in the future.

I'm gaining more direction and have a plan.  I just am looking for God to let me know weather or not I am on the right track.  Maybe I'm really looking for him to tell me I'm all wrong.  I kind of got used to hearing that.  I so badly need an Eli!  I pray for one and that she will show up soon.

Yes, I do believe God is up to something.  I love it when he moves in a visible way.  Through the good and the bad, I know I am blessed!

Skiing and Sunshine

I spent the weekend, (27 hours strait so far) with my youth this weekend, and we are wrapping up a ski retreat tonight.  We had a whole lot of fun with some great kids, and I got to catch up with other leaders and pastors I know from others churches also involved in the retreat.  I am not the only one who has had a rough few years.  I was to talking to my buddy Josh, who had some similar experiences as me in the last few years, and he referred to February 14 as "Singles Awareness Day." 

I usually dread Valentines Day, because I have only had an "other" one Valentines Day in my life, and I had to work that evening and though he helped me, we argued most of the evening.  I am yet unsure how I feel about it this year, but I just read the adorable story about the courtship of a happy wife, who lives the life I thought I would be living by now.  She has babies and children from Africa, and a husband who adores her.  It was a precious story, and it made me smile.  Girls want to believe in love.  My single friends and I want to believe there are some good guys left as we get older, and that more can still be found.  An older, wise Christian lady told me that I shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who worships me.  I was not expecting that from her at all, but sure, what kind of a girl wouldn't love that?

And since I do not have an amazing man in my life right now to brag about, I'm so thankful that I do have Jesus, who gave us the example of love and forgiveness, because withough it, life can be really bad.  I know that love, yes broken, can be made new, because of Jesus.  I hope and pray that I will one day know how wonderful being married is, but that means I will also know how much it can be a struggle.  But perhaps that is more insentiave to work on making it be the best it can be, because who would want to settle for less? 

What I have learned about myself is that I am totally committed to what God places me in.  I am loyal and expect nothing less from those I let close.  I pray expediently that God will bless me with a man who has a deep commitment to godly lifestyle, and with beliefs rooted in Christ, which will allow me to know that he is a man who knows how to commit, someone who does not give up when things get rough, because the longer I live the more I see that life gets messy.   But I have learned that commitment to your beliefs and a Savior is vital to remain grounded when the storms of life come. 

I do have great hope for the future, and I could go on and on about the man I have been praying for, but it does not so much matter who he is but rather who he belongs to.  A man who does not know Jesus, or worse yet, knows him and rejects him, does not have his life together enough to care for the emotional and spiritual needs I am going to have.  I want so much more than that from a husband.  I know that God wants the best for me and I pray that in his time, he will bless me with a man who compliments me in the way God intended.  I pray that I can be open and honest with him even when it's really hard, and it really hurts,
because this is something that is difficult for me because I hate conflict, but God is working on that with me too.  I pray my future husband will offer security in being steady and coming through.  This is a huge deal for me.  I know that people will always let you down, but it is Christ we must put all our faith in.  But I pray he will be humble enough to know how to forgive well, and forget and realize that a little romance goes a long way.

I pray for now that God would hold me so very near.  I pray that he would use this time of singleness in my life to show his greatness to me and though me.  I pray that I might be the sunshine in the lives of those around me.  I want to be a silent witness of God's greatness and of his goodness.  I believe that God in his mercy will provide for my needs as they come, and when the time is right, he will bless me with a little more.  I pray in the mean time, I would grow closer to him and become so much more dependant on him, and that he would be my soul focus now and that I would grow in my faith, wisdom and understanding.

A Snow Day!

I was delighted to have a snow day today, along with much of the USA as this storm system left rain and snow covering most of the country. I expected to sew a few things today, but I never got around to it. Perhaps I still will. I helped move cars and clear the driveway of over a foot of snow. I used the snow blower for the first time, which did not work so well with all the snow we got. I was praising Jesus when a neighbor with a plow, cleared up the "parking lot" in front of our house once the cars were moved (which was no small task) but was a lot of fun!

I kind of enjoy driving in hazardous conditions. :) I guess I'm just that strange. The county plows had not been through the neighborhood yet, so only part of the streets were plowed, as I found out. Another adventure. :) It takes me back to riding along parts of one winter with an amazingly skilled snow clearer. Good memories! I was clearing snow and doing some running half the day. I almost would have rather been at work, because I didn't feel very productive, but I am thankful for the snow day.

This day off has got me thinking, which lately is a distraction. This great friend of mine challenged me to be more introspective, and sometimes I have a hard time coming out of my own head. My ADD prevented such nonsense before. I have all but mastered this season on introspection, and I would be glad to leave it save for occasional reflection. I guess I have grown a lot lately too, which may be why I get stuck in my head.

Today, doing tasks that required little thought, I was a fighting to get out of my head. I'm thankful for what I was remembering, but I would rather live today, not remember what is no more. I pray God will fill those lonely places so I will no longer remember the emptiness they once knew.

Since I do not have youth group tonight, I put some thoughts down on my xanga to share with my students, or really anyone who cares to read. Just about what God has been doing in my life. I guess the fruit that is now visible after such a dry spell. I learned how to play the game, so to speak, or perhaps I just learned the rules to be followed. Rules are good.

I'm fighting restlessness again.  I love what I am doing, but I still long for more adventure, or maybe just someone to seek out adventures with.  I am never the less enjoying this season of life with its challenges and distractions and hope that I can still have grand adventures as I further explore life and direction and enjoy being a young working person. 

Life is good.  But I would love for it to be great. I need to spend some time with God.