I have become a different person in the last 9 months or so. Maybe it has been longer, but it has been at least that long. I try to pinpoint a time and I just get confused because life is busy, and God is doing such a complete transformation in me, it is hard to say when things really have changed and how. But I know I am far from what I used to be.
I know this to be true because I don't talk the same. I don't think the way I used to or act like I once did. I do not even see myself the same way when I look in the mirror. I used to see what I am not, and now I see what I am becoming. I asked God to transform me, and maybe that is exactly what has happened.
This change is a hard one to explain. I have been a Christian as long as I can remember. I was raised in a Christian home and my mom said I was 4 when I prayed with her to ask Jesus into my life. At age 17 along with an arena of other teenagers, I recommitted my life to Christ at an Acquire The Fire youth event. I gave up soap operas and have never been interested in them since. It was a tangible change. I was a good kid, and fear of authority and "doing the Christian thing," kept me from having too much fun in high school. I also have a lot of younger siblings who were watching what I did.
Since high school, discovering Jesus has been such a journey. One that if I realized the cost and sacrifice, I would have just stayed on the pew with most Christians. I set out trying to figure out my faith, and trying to know Jesus. I prayed for faith and wisdom, for understanding and knowledge. I began reading the Bible by the book. I started seeking to know Jesus. And my as I discovered more about Jesus, I wanted to know more and more. It was like a strange addiction. One that I prayed for.
Now, I call Jesus my friend. I call on him first and often, and he responds to my cries. I have thought about the concept of Jesus, a man, my friend, more and more. I think about God, my father. I wish I could see them in my physical life. I would love to just sit and chat with Jesus at Starbucks, or to call God when I am having a problem and drive over to his house and let his big hug make it all better, if only for a moment. O the joy of having them in my life in the physical sense! To have Jesus be my biggest fan, and see God sing over me when I do something right. That would be amazing! And all the girls would be so jealous of my friend, Jesus. If he were here with me in the flesh, I'm sure I would want him for my man. What kind of a girl wouldn't want a man who always did the right thing, would never let you down, was a pro at wiping tears, and always knew what to say?
Yes, I think of Jesus in a whole new way these days. And I love all the The Lord is teaching me. And I desire to be so much closer to him still. I know I still have a long way to go, but I am so glad that he is here with me for this journey. The last 11 years have been great and I know the next will be amazing!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Breaking Fast
I experienced a wonderful extended fast this Lenten season. I believe I will see the fruit of it for a long time. And I will be looking for it. I write this not to pat myself on the back, but because I so desire to boast in my God.
I have never experienced an extended fast before and I thought it was going to be really hard. But after reading about why Christian's should practice fasting, I set aside the chocolate I was eating and began that moment. It was a little difficult the first few days and I was crabby, but after day 3 I felt really amazing. It had been so long since my head was so clear, even first thing in the morning. The dizziness I often experience was really bad the first day, but has yet to return since. There is so much physical healing that can take place through a fast. The results and healing are faster in a water fast than a juice fast, but ether way it is amazing how the body heals itself when digestion gets a break.
I began with a water fast, and thought I would go three days. But as I kept going and read more about fasting, I realized that a longer fast would bring more spiritual and physical gain. So I kept going. About five days in, I was determined to go 10 days. I made it to 8 and blacked out twice that day. God was talking to me, and told me the things I had been fasting for have been released in heaven, and it would just be a matter of time before the reached earth. He told me to eat. So at the end of the day, I decided to make some apple carrot juice, because you have to be careful in breaking a water fast or you can get sick. The next day I juiced again, but because it made such a mess, I decided to just my vita mix and make smoothies. I continued on with my smoothie fast, intending to break it this week, so I could be used to eating "normal" food by Easter. I had gained so much physically and spiritually. I felt like God was alright with me breaking the fast.
One top of the spiritual gain, I have abundant energy and I just feel so healthy. I want to exercise and look forward to my daily walk and time outside with God. The greatest gain I received was a heightened awareness of the Holy Spirit. The part of the Trinity I am just getting to know. When I would go to have some quiet time, I didn't spend 5 or 10 minuets getting to a place where I could find God and feel like we were communicating like I typically do. I would just go and we would be in that place together. I would get into my car and just smile so big as Jesus Culture was playing. I would be so filled with overwhelming joy that at times I would not even be able to speak! This kind of thing has never happened to me before. It has been so cool. I cannot raise my hand high enough to praise my Savior in my car. I have been very spiritually sensitive, and it has been so astounding to me. I don't want to lose this! If my body did not need food, I would never eat again!
Now that I have broken my fast, I miss it. An extended fast was so much easier than I thought it would be. I prepared dinner for others and went out to eat with friends without eating a thing but hot water with a bit of fresh lemon juice. When I transitioned to only fruit and vegetable smoothies, it made it easier to go out with friends, because then I would have a vegan salad. I only craved eggs and dairy. I love my smoothies and will still have one a day. I would usually have a morning fruit smoothie and an evening vegetable one a lot of water while fasting, and I would not even be that hungry. The hunger pangs now that I am eating again are deeper and more annoying. Almost to the extent that I want to go back to eating a raw diet.
This fast was life changing for me in so many ways! I do expect to see God move in a whole new way now. And he spoke to me a lot and answered some big questions as I was fasting. My first extended fast was an amazing experience, and I plan on doing it again in the future.
I have never experienced an extended fast before and I thought it was going to be really hard. But after reading about why Christian's should practice fasting, I set aside the chocolate I was eating and began that moment. It was a little difficult the first few days and I was crabby, but after day 3 I felt really amazing. It had been so long since my head was so clear, even first thing in the morning. The dizziness I often experience was really bad the first day, but has yet to return since. There is so much physical healing that can take place through a fast. The results and healing are faster in a water fast than a juice fast, but ether way it is amazing how the body heals itself when digestion gets a break.
I began with a water fast, and thought I would go three days. But as I kept going and read more about fasting, I realized that a longer fast would bring more spiritual and physical gain. So I kept going. About five days in, I was determined to go 10 days. I made it to 8 and blacked out twice that day. God was talking to me, and told me the things I had been fasting for have been released in heaven, and it would just be a matter of time before the reached earth. He told me to eat. So at the end of the day, I decided to make some apple carrot juice, because you have to be careful in breaking a water fast or you can get sick. The next day I juiced again, but because it made such a mess, I decided to just my vita mix and make smoothies. I continued on with my smoothie fast, intending to break it this week, so I could be used to eating "normal" food by Easter. I had gained so much physically and spiritually. I felt like God was alright with me breaking the fast.
One top of the spiritual gain, I have abundant energy and I just feel so healthy. I want to exercise and look forward to my daily walk and time outside with God. The greatest gain I received was a heightened awareness of the Holy Spirit. The part of the Trinity I am just getting to know. When I would go to have some quiet time, I didn't spend 5 or 10 minuets getting to a place where I could find God and feel like we were communicating like I typically do. I would just go and we would be in that place together. I would get into my car and just smile so big as Jesus Culture was playing. I would be so filled with overwhelming joy that at times I would not even be able to speak! This kind of thing has never happened to me before. It has been so cool. I cannot raise my hand high enough to praise my Savior in my car. I have been very spiritually sensitive, and it has been so astounding to me. I don't want to lose this! If my body did not need food, I would never eat again!
Now that I have broken my fast, I miss it. An extended fast was so much easier than I thought it would be. I prepared dinner for others and went out to eat with friends without eating a thing but hot water with a bit of fresh lemon juice. When I transitioned to only fruit and vegetable smoothies, it made it easier to go out with friends, because then I would have a vegan salad. I only craved eggs and dairy. I love my smoothies and will still have one a day. I would usually have a morning fruit smoothie and an evening vegetable one a lot of water while fasting, and I would not even be that hungry. The hunger pangs now that I am eating again are deeper and more annoying. Almost to the extent that I want to go back to eating a raw diet.
This fast was life changing for me in so many ways! I do expect to see God move in a whole new way now. And he spoke to me a lot and answered some big questions as I was fasting. My first extended fast was an amazing experience, and I plan on doing it again in the future.
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