Maria Faith's Adoption

Today, my little foster sister became my little sister.  She has been a part of the family since November 1, 2009 when she was 12 months old, and today, her adoption was finalized!  

Mom, Dad, finalizing the Adoption of Mia, number 8, just over a month before their 31st Anniversary

Mom, Mia (kissing) Ethan

We all fell in love with Mia pretty quickly, and as time went on, we believed more and more that she would become a permanent part of the family. She was the 5th foster child for my family and the only one we got to keep!  When her birth mother signed off in July, she asked my parents to adopt Mia. Her birth father had some complications, which delayed his side of the process, so in November when he signed off, it was official that she would have our last name.  She had already been a part of the family from day one, and the only real difference is that now she has a new name.  Since we knew her at 12 months old, she has been calling herself Mimi, which we also called her, and that turned into Mia, or Maria.

I guess you could say she and I are quite bonded

Today we went out to Chick-fil-a, her favorite lunch place, and as we were finishing up, she genitally touched my hand, and said, "Please, Laura.  I want to play with the kids." meaning in the play area,  How could I say no to that?  She is usually a lot more demanding, and that was one of the sweetest things I have ever herd her say.

She is quite a little monkey!

Promises

I think I miss that voice.  Maybe just what it used to say.  I have one small piece of a great time in life, and I am almost ready to let it go.  Perhaps I already should have but I believe there is a right time and a wrong time, based on motives.  But the message was so sweet.  So unlike anything anything I have ever heard before.  But time has proved it contains lies.  They were not spoken by a liar, or someone who was not known to have integrity, but it just played out that way. 

I don't understand why things that once looked so hopeful now look hopeless, but in the end sin is sin no matter how pretty the package.  Looking back, I can only see sin clouding judgement.  I really am thankful for all that has been, for it was a lot.  Lessons were learned in both the good and bad times. 

I have to accept that I am never going to understand how something given--a glorious gift meant to be cherished and shared, could become such a confusing painful mess.  I could point fingers, but I know that I am not even close to blameless.  Besides, most of the time I had way too much respect (or fear) for that person to point fingers.  I'm a terrible fighter up against a pro.  Though the peace has come and usually likes to stay, I long for understanding into this conundrum.  Even in rare moments when it does come, it is not at all clear.  But I know that when I ask God for an answer and he doesn't offer one, it is because I do not need to know.

I'm over wanting it back, and am usually ok to pray and trust that God has a better plan, but I just hope that the future will be so much more amazing and this wonderful/terrible time will somehow be redeemed in my life.  I have long awaited redemption for this season, even as I didn't realize I was still going through it.  I want so much more.  I hope and pray for so much better, and I know that God wants that for me too.

I pray for you every day.  I can't seem to get through a day without lifting you up to the Lord at least once.  I pray for who you are becoming and that God will reveal his plan for you as you draw ever closer to him.  But my foot is out of the last door and I am very excited to see what is behind the next one.  New life, new adventures.  Life is all but bland unless you have something to hope for.  Something to believe in.  I am excited for that.  I'm praying for new life.  I want so much more than what I have had, and so much more than what I thought I wanted before.

Some things remain the same, but they look much different.  My heart for children, babies, the least of these is the same, but my hope of how that will look is different.  I pray for a ministry partner soon.  I am trying to trust and obey, and believe in what Romans 8:25 says, "[b]ut we are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently."  I have had friends meet and marry their souse as I have known of and believed in that verse, but I keep believing.  What else can I do?

Goodbyes

I was looking for the verse about "God being able to do more than we could ask or imagine," and thanks to my favorite search engine, I found this blog from a member of a band I sometimes listen to, on saying goodbye to someone he really cared about.

I can relate to such a goodbye, and I hate that I can.  Life doesn't prepare you for severing such ties.  It's still hard some days.  I get all distracted by life or my thoughts.  Seem to be in a cloud of some kind or another most days, but when I'm focused at work, this can be quite a help.  Hyper focusing, a blessings and a curse, (no) thanks to my ADD.  Today, It's causing distraction.  I had better get back to writing my lesson for tonight!

And at the end of his blog was what I was looking for:

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3:14-21

Life and Music Memories

Life is good right now, but I would love for it to be great.  I am so ready for some great!  I still long for adventure.  I realize and accept that at best, a good career is still filled with stuff that just has to get done.  Life is enjoyable, but I long for it to be amazing, or at least to just spend it with someone who makes it more exciting.

I'm not sure what I want.  I'm not even sure what to pray for.  I find myself praying for my friends more than I pray for myself.  I am totally dedicated to praying for two friends right now and the situations they are in.  That God would just transform them and remind them of the joy of his salvation and bless them.  They come to mind throughout my day and I feel like I am always praying for them.  I want God to move so badly at times, just so I can pray for other things!  And it makes me wish I had someone praying for me like that.

God, what are you doing with me?

My sister and I took my mom to the MWS Amy Grant concert last week.  We all had such a great time.  It was the music I grew up listening to, and it brought back some memories.  Amy Grant's music was often playing on records in my house when I was really young, and when I got my little battery operated mini boom box, I would play my Amy Grant cassette tape over and over again, and sing along.  I remember sitting in a tree in on my grandparents farm, singing along to Amy Grant on my little white boom box.  I even tried out for the talent show at my elementary school to an Amy Grant song.  Such memories. :)  And Michael W. Smith was one of my favorites as I got a little older.  You kind of had to like one if you liked the other.  Their music was often intertwined, and they would sing on each others albums.  I remember listening to MWS on my Sports Walkman on the plane as we were traveling to Florida when I was in elementary school.

Anyway, their music reminded me a lot about my friends.  The good and the bad.  The hard and the happy.  It's all part of life, and doing life with like-minded people.  Songs I knew as a child and teen had new meaning with ten more years of life behind me.  It was a good reminder of what God wants for us.  Of struggles, and how we are there for each other.  I pulled out my old MWS cd's and have been listening to them today.  They  remind me to persevere and keep seeking God.

No, the road is not too difficult right now, but the questions in my head keep me on my toes.  I'm not sure what I want for life anymore, but I do know that I don't want to spend it alone.  And really, I'm no longer concerned as to what I'll be doing for the next 30+ years of my life, because I know that if, IF I learn to surrender it to God, I'll be set.  I have discovered there is a lot I could be content doing.  He has carried me this far, and I know he will continue to be faithful, even when I try to mess it all up.