As 2017 begins, things have been very different in my heart and my home. You see, just five days before Christmas, my husband had surgery on his leg, which has left him unable to do much besides rest and recover for the next 6 to 8 weeks. He injured his leg just after Thanksgiving and had not been working because his job requires physical strength and mobility. So this year, Christmas looked much different. And that is alright.
I found myself going to the Lord a whole lot more with little details that I used to bring to Ryan. After all, he did not need to be bothered with my concerns as he already had enough on his mind. And it has really brought me a lot closer to the Lord. I find myself here in need, and who better to go to than Jehovah Jirah, my provider. And honestly, it has shown me that I really had not been going to the Lord much. But the most beautiful thing in all of this is that God has been so faithful in meeting the needs that only he knows about. And this season of need, has become a season of gratitude.
The Lord is showing me daily that He alone wants to supply my needs. And it has opened the door for me to be surprised by blessings. Gratitude has been the theme of this season. Seeing God's hand in the inter workings has been so nice,
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Change
I love to write. I used to blog a whole lot more, but of course that was before motherhood. And wow! Do those days with a little one fly by!
This blog is filled with so many memories and thoughts. And it is a huge reminder of the amazing times I was able to have in with The Lord in my 20's as God wanted me to himself, though I was begging him to be a wife. He saved me for marriage in my 30's.
A wise woman in a prayer group I used to attend once told me to really enjoy my time with the Lord before marriage and kids. She had four children and at the time, I would have given just about anything to be in her shoes instead of in the single, unattached state I lived in.
Her words were full of so much wisdom! It is much more difficult to find time to spend with the Lord as I used to! No more trips to the park all afternoon, or even taking a half hour break during my work day to sit and in the sunshine with my Bible alone with the Lord. I know I did not fully appreciate what I had when I was in the midst of those days.
Now I have a cute little alarm clock who wakes me up with a sweet cheerful little voice each morning. Or if I wake before him, I lat in bed and go over my day with the Lord. My shower time, though so much shorter now than when I was single is my worship time! And I covet every precious moment of it with The Lord!
My "work day" doesn't have a set start or end time, and is all subject to the needs of my family. Being a wife is the biggest ministry a woman could ever have! It can be a lot of work, but it is so worth it! And I need The Lord like never before for these uncharted waters as a young wife and mother. And those "lunch breaks" I used to take with The Lord are probably even more important now than ever before! Now they look like a Joyce Meyer teaching video on Youtube during nap time.
It has been good for me to rediscover this blog and remember where God has taken me, and to also be reminded that I am not hanging out in space now, but this as a wife and mother in a supportive role has just as much importance as in the last when I was a new wife and spent my days advocating for foster children.
I am thankful for the place I am in. I wouldn't say I have arrived. I am not satisfied with life just as it is, though I do have peace. Still, I can be a better wife, a better mother and most importantly, a better daughter to my heavenly father.
I suppose at times I will still feel like I am chasing the wind until I am in a place where I am constantly, passionately seeking God. And when I am at that place, it just makes me want to seek more and more.
Perhaps it is time to change up my approach,
This blog is filled with so many memories and thoughts. And it is a huge reminder of the amazing times I was able to have in with The Lord in my 20's as God wanted me to himself, though I was begging him to be a wife. He saved me for marriage in my 30's.
A wise woman in a prayer group I used to attend once told me to really enjoy my time with the Lord before marriage and kids. She had four children and at the time, I would have given just about anything to be in her shoes instead of in the single, unattached state I lived in.
Her words were full of so much wisdom! It is much more difficult to find time to spend with the Lord as I used to! No more trips to the park all afternoon, or even taking a half hour break during my work day to sit and in the sunshine with my Bible alone with the Lord. I know I did not fully appreciate what I had when I was in the midst of those days.
Now I have a cute little alarm clock who wakes me up with a sweet cheerful little voice each morning. Or if I wake before him, I lat in bed and go over my day with the Lord. My shower time, though so much shorter now than when I was single is my worship time! And I covet every precious moment of it with The Lord!
My "work day" doesn't have a set start or end time, and is all subject to the needs of my family. Being a wife is the biggest ministry a woman could ever have! It can be a lot of work, but it is so worth it! And I need The Lord like never before for these uncharted waters as a young wife and mother. And those "lunch breaks" I used to take with The Lord are probably even more important now than ever before! Now they look like a Joyce Meyer teaching video on Youtube during nap time.
It has been good for me to rediscover this blog and remember where God has taken me, and to also be reminded that I am not hanging out in space now, but this as a wife and mother in a supportive role has just as much importance as in the last when I was a new wife and spent my days advocating for foster children.
I am thankful for the place I am in. I wouldn't say I have arrived. I am not satisfied with life just as it is, though I do have peace. Still, I can be a better wife, a better mother and most importantly, a better daughter to my heavenly father.
I suppose at times I will still feel like I am chasing the wind until I am in a place where I am constantly, passionately seeking God. And when I am at that place, it just makes me want to seek more and more.
Perhaps it is time to change up my approach,
Friday, December 30, 2016
David John Ford
Monday morning, July 13, 2014 I was 10 days overdue. I tossed and turned all night having some back pain and just general discomfort.
Ryan was in his OB clinical rotation and was being graded for the semester that day. We got up and got dressed and I was feeling achy and just uncomfortable. I was wondering to myself if this was early labor, which I knew could last days. I didn't say anything to Ryan about it as I wanted him to be able to focus on his clinical and not be distracted with wondering about how I was doing at home. Plus my mom and my sister both had longer labors, so I expected things to slowly progress. I was scheduled for an OB appointment in the afternoon anyway and the doctor wanted to discuss induction, which I continued to be opposed to.
I made Ryan breakfast and ate myself. He left and I sat down on the couch, quite tired, and just wanting to rest. I was having a lot of back pain. Around 10am it dawned on me that my back pain was intermittent. They were contractions. I was in early labor. I called my mom and she told me to try to rest as much as I could and to keep her posted.
I got myself dressed and put on makeup. I was a nervous excited, knowing that I would finally be meeting my baby soon, but also that I would have a lot of hard work to do first. I text Ryan that I may be in early labor, but things were moving slowly.
I tried to sleep, and I just couldn't get comfortable no matter how I laid or how many pillows I surrounded myself with. So I took a hot bath in the whirlpool tub, which provided relief for my back. I relaxed and almost fell asleep in the tub many times, but then I would have a contraction and that would wake me right up. When I went to the bathroom, I realized that I was losing my mucus plug. I was definitely in labor. I text Ryan the update.
Ryan came home for lunch and I was hungry. He gave me half of his lunch which had been eggs and toast. I ate it all and he refilled my water, and went back to the office. Things were definitely progressing, and I would get a lot of contractions when I moved, and I really just wanted to rest and find a comfortable position. Ryan was soon home again after picking up his brief case from the OB office. My mother in law came over and tried to help, but she and Ryan having conversation as I was trying to focus on relaxing and breathing was very distracting and upsetting.
Ryan relaxed and let me labor. He may have even taken a nap. I had a contraction timer app on my phone, and other than timing my contractions, I lost all sense of time. I had a lot of back pain. Around 6pm I was done, and wanted to go to the hospital. Ryan was taking his time getting ready, and this really bothered me. After being downstairs laboring most of the day, I walked up the stairs and was very uncomfortable and waiting on him to be ready.
Sometime after 7pm I got in the car. It was super uncomfortable and I was having a ton of back labor. I had to sit with my fist in the middle of my lower back to even be able to stand the car ride. Every bump brought intense discomfort. I was relieved to be at the hospital, and it brought a sense of calm, evening being seated in the wheel chair as we got checked. I stopped paying attention to what was around me at this point, keeping my eyes closed most of the time.
My mom met us in triage sometime around 9pm, and I felt more calm with her there. The hospitalist checked me and said I was "only" three centimeters dilated and that they me need to use pitocin to speed things up. He was unfamiliar with a natural, intervention free birth and I immediately didn't like him at that point. Him checking me also ruptured my water, and it slowly oozed with each contraction. Ryan and the charge nurse went over our birth plan, indicating as minimal intervention as necessary, who understood a "natural birth" much better than the hospitalist, and used the Bradley Method for her own 4 deliveries.
My friend Suzanne poked her head in, and it was a relief to see her. She asked me if she wanted me to be her nurse, which I did. She was assigned to another patient already, but would be with me at 10pm.
I remained in triage for a while with the fetal monitor attached as they wanted to see a few cycles of baby boy's heart rate going up with his movement through contractions.
Finally I was moved to a room, and my sister, Lissa arrived, after putting her children to sleep. I had to have an IV, but at that point, I had stopped eating and drinking so I was dehydrated. With two tries and blown vein, they got the IV in. My mom spoon fed me jello and sips of Sprite or water between contractions. With each contraction came extreme pain in my back, and Ryan and Lissa took turns putting pressure on my lower back, which provided enough relief to get through them. I was super thankful that no one asked me if I wanted an epidural, because I definitely didn't.
Suzanne, my nurse friend finally arrived and I was super glad. She suggested I get into the tub. It did help, but I still needed Ryan to put pressure on my back with each contraction. Lissa would rub between my eyes if I started to tense up, and would breathe with me if I started losing a contraction, which was very helpful. I was in the tub an hour or maybe two. I remember my mom commenting that it was after midnight, and the 14th, so the baby would not be born on the 13th.
Suzanne checked me again, and I think I was at an 8. She suggested that I try to change positions to get the baby to turn to help with my pain. I agreed. It was even more painful, but I had to hold a two different positions for a few contractions to get the baby to turn. And he did.
And then I was done. I said I was ready for it to be over. I was ready to meet my baby and I did not want to do this anymore. Remembering what I learned in my Bradley class, I was hoping that this was transition. It was.
The doctor came in and I was excited, as his presence meant it was about time. He checked me and said I was almost there. I started to feel "pushy" and moaning through the contractions and I was ready to push. He said I could if I wanted to. I did.
Pushing felt so much better than laboring. And there was a brief break between each contraction. He coached me through them, and I really appreciated that as I had no idea how to birth a child. I remember pushing and pushing and wondering why it felt like noting was happening. I was super determined at this point. It was about 7 contraction cycles that the baby was finally crowning. They showed me in a mirror, and my baby didn't have much visible hair.
I pushed again with all my might, and his head was out, I pushed again, perhaps even harder, and I heard the doctor and Lissa yell for me to stop. Someone was in front of the mirror and I couldn't see what was happening. I was hoping that baby was out. The cord had been wrapped around his neck twice. And then he was crying and being handed to me. It was done. He was a little purple, but perfect! The majority of the pain was over and I had the most amazing reward!
Everything that happened after that was somewhat of a blur. I put him to my breast and he latched right on. It was so amazing to hold my baby boy. Child of my womb, that I have prayed so many years for.
Ryan was over the moon, and I think we were both in awe. I held him a while, and then I delivered the placenta and was being stitched up as I had torn. It was getting quite uncomfortable, as they kept commenting as I would move that they forgot that I did not have an epidural and I could feel everything. I handed our little bundle over to Ryan to hold, skin to skin.
We were asked what his name was. And we didn't have one yet as a week before he was born, Ryan decided the name we were going to use, wasn't quite right.
I got settled into recovery and Ryan left to get some sleep. It was somewhere around 5am at that point. I settled in with my baby and tried to sleep.
A day and a half later we still had not named our little one. We were pretty sure his middle name would be John, and he just needed a first name that Ryan and I both loved. Ryan came into the room with an old cassette player, and turned on a Lester Sumrall tape on the life of King David. He leaned over and kissed our little one, who was in my arms. As the tape began to play, Ryan anointed our little one's head with a frankincense and myrrh oil roller, just as a voice said, "And the Lord anointed David and set him apart among all his brothers..." Ryan and I looked at each other, a bit surprised and I said "I guess our baby has a name!" And after a brief discussion, our little baby boy became David John.
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| A few days before I gave birth, in our newly finished bathroom. |
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| My last ultrasound, the Friday before David was born. |
Ryan was in his OB clinical rotation and was being graded for the semester that day. We got up and got dressed and I was feeling achy and just uncomfortable. I was wondering to myself if this was early labor, which I knew could last days. I didn't say anything to Ryan about it as I wanted him to be able to focus on his clinical and not be distracted with wondering about how I was doing at home. Plus my mom and my sister both had longer labors, so I expected things to slowly progress. I was scheduled for an OB appointment in the afternoon anyway and the doctor wanted to discuss induction, which I continued to be opposed to.
I made Ryan breakfast and ate myself. He left and I sat down on the couch, quite tired, and just wanting to rest. I was having a lot of back pain. Around 10am it dawned on me that my back pain was intermittent. They were contractions. I was in early labor. I called my mom and she told me to try to rest as much as I could and to keep her posted.
I got myself dressed and put on makeup. I was a nervous excited, knowing that I would finally be meeting my baby soon, but also that I would have a lot of hard work to do first. I text Ryan that I may be in early labor, but things were moving slowly.
I tried to sleep, and I just couldn't get comfortable no matter how I laid or how many pillows I surrounded myself with. So I took a hot bath in the whirlpool tub, which provided relief for my back. I relaxed and almost fell asleep in the tub many times, but then I would have a contraction and that would wake me right up. When I went to the bathroom, I realized that I was losing my mucus plug. I was definitely in labor. I text Ryan the update.
Ryan came home for lunch and I was hungry. He gave me half of his lunch which had been eggs and toast. I ate it all and he refilled my water, and went back to the office. Things were definitely progressing, and I would get a lot of contractions when I moved, and I really just wanted to rest and find a comfortable position. Ryan was soon home again after picking up his brief case from the OB office. My mother in law came over and tried to help, but she and Ryan having conversation as I was trying to focus on relaxing and breathing was very distracting and upsetting.
Ryan relaxed and let me labor. He may have even taken a nap. I had a contraction timer app on my phone, and other than timing my contractions, I lost all sense of time. I had a lot of back pain. Around 6pm I was done, and wanted to go to the hospital. Ryan was taking his time getting ready, and this really bothered me. After being downstairs laboring most of the day, I walked up the stairs and was very uncomfortable and waiting on him to be ready.
Sometime after 7pm I got in the car. It was super uncomfortable and I was having a ton of back labor. I had to sit with my fist in the middle of my lower back to even be able to stand the car ride. Every bump brought intense discomfort. I was relieved to be at the hospital, and it brought a sense of calm, evening being seated in the wheel chair as we got checked. I stopped paying attention to what was around me at this point, keeping my eyes closed most of the time.
My mom met us in triage sometime around 9pm, and I felt more calm with her there. The hospitalist checked me and said I was "only" three centimeters dilated and that they me need to use pitocin to speed things up. He was unfamiliar with a natural, intervention free birth and I immediately didn't like him at that point. Him checking me also ruptured my water, and it slowly oozed with each contraction. Ryan and the charge nurse went over our birth plan, indicating as minimal intervention as necessary, who understood a "natural birth" much better than the hospitalist, and used the Bradley Method for her own 4 deliveries.
My friend Suzanne poked her head in, and it was a relief to see her. She asked me if she wanted me to be her nurse, which I did. She was assigned to another patient already, but would be with me at 10pm.
I remained in triage for a while with the fetal monitor attached as they wanted to see a few cycles of baby boy's heart rate going up with his movement through contractions.
Finally I was moved to a room, and my sister, Lissa arrived, after putting her children to sleep. I had to have an IV, but at that point, I had stopped eating and drinking so I was dehydrated. With two tries and blown vein, they got the IV in. My mom spoon fed me jello and sips of Sprite or water between contractions. With each contraction came extreme pain in my back, and Ryan and Lissa took turns putting pressure on my lower back, which provided enough relief to get through them. I was super thankful that no one asked me if I wanted an epidural, because I definitely didn't.
Suzanne, my nurse friend finally arrived and I was super glad. She suggested I get into the tub. It did help, but I still needed Ryan to put pressure on my back with each contraction. Lissa would rub between my eyes if I started to tense up, and would breathe with me if I started losing a contraction, which was very helpful. I was in the tub an hour or maybe two. I remember my mom commenting that it was after midnight, and the 14th, so the baby would not be born on the 13th.
Suzanne checked me again, and I think I was at an 8. She suggested that I try to change positions to get the baby to turn to help with my pain. I agreed. It was even more painful, but I had to hold a two different positions for a few contractions to get the baby to turn. And he did.
And then I was done. I said I was ready for it to be over. I was ready to meet my baby and I did not want to do this anymore. Remembering what I learned in my Bradley class, I was hoping that this was transition. It was.
The doctor came in and I was excited, as his presence meant it was about time. He checked me and said I was almost there. I started to feel "pushy" and moaning through the contractions and I was ready to push. He said I could if I wanted to. I did.
Pushing felt so much better than laboring. And there was a brief break between each contraction. He coached me through them, and I really appreciated that as I had no idea how to birth a child. I remember pushing and pushing and wondering why it felt like noting was happening. I was super determined at this point. It was about 7 contraction cycles that the baby was finally crowning. They showed me in a mirror, and my baby didn't have much visible hair.
I pushed again with all my might, and his head was out, I pushed again, perhaps even harder, and I heard the doctor and Lissa yell for me to stop. Someone was in front of the mirror and I couldn't see what was happening. I was hoping that baby was out. The cord had been wrapped around his neck twice. And then he was crying and being handed to me. It was done. He was a little purple, but perfect! The majority of the pain was over and I had the most amazing reward!
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| Trying to get my first look at my baby! |
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| Our first family photo! |
Everything that happened after that was somewhat of a blur. I put him to my breast and he latched right on. It was so amazing to hold my baby boy. Child of my womb, that I have prayed so many years for.
Ryan was over the moon, and I think we were both in awe. I held him a while, and then I delivered the placenta and was being stitched up as I had torn. It was getting quite uncomfortable, as they kept commenting as I would move that they forgot that I did not have an epidural and I could feel everything. I handed our little bundle over to Ryan to hold, skin to skin.
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| Father, Son bonding time |
We were asked what his name was. And we didn't have one yet as a week before he was born, Ryan decided the name we were going to use, wasn't quite right.
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| My mom holding her newest grandson. |
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| Brand New David! |
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| Aunt Lissa holding her newest nephew! |
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| Enjoying every moment! |
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| Our precious David John |
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Baby Ford
March 2015
Just a few weeks into marriage, we were blessed with a pregnancy. As I write, I can feel my little one moving and kicking in my womb at 22 weeks along.
After so many years of waiting and praying for a baby, I was in shock when I was acting more emotional than normal, and Ryan knew something was off. He guessed I was pregnant. Right away, I told him there was no way, yet I began to question. My body felt different. Something was going on! I was slightly in denial.
Tuesday morning, October, 21 I took a cheap pregnancy test at Ryan's prompting that only showed one line. Not pregnant. I left it in the bathroom, thinking "See Ryan!" And got ready for work. He came to me and said, "Well, did you look." "Yeah, I'm not pregnant," I replied. He responded with "Are you sure? Go check again." I nervously walked into the bathroom, thinking "I can't be pregnant. I have waited so long for this and there is no way I will have all my dreams come true at once." I really didn't give that test the 5 minute wait the box directed me to. I saw the same blue line on top and a very faint pink line below it. Tow lines! Pregnant!
I was shocked. So shocked that I took another test. Again a faint second line appeared. Excitement and fear at the same time consumed me. We were a month into this marriage and already had a baby on the way. I took another test a few days later on the day of my missed period, just to be sure and this time the second line was much darker. Definitely pregnant!
And then the joy came. I expected to feel different and other than being quite hungry and feeling bloated, things were about the same. I felt a lot of movement in my womb and wondered if everything was alright with my precious little one. It felt like forever before it was time for my first doctors appointment appointment, which I made as soon as I found out I was pregnant. But we were excited to get an ultrasound and see the heart beat. Everything was just fine with our little one!
Just a few weeks into marriage, we were blessed with a pregnancy. As I write, I can feel my little one moving and kicking in my womb at 22 weeks along.
After so many years of waiting and praying for a baby, I was in shock when I was acting more emotional than normal, and Ryan knew something was off. He guessed I was pregnant. Right away, I told him there was no way, yet I began to question. My body felt different. Something was going on! I was slightly in denial.
Tuesday morning, October, 21 I took a cheap pregnancy test at Ryan's prompting that only showed one line. Not pregnant. I left it in the bathroom, thinking "See Ryan!" And got ready for work. He came to me and said, "Well, did you look." "Yeah, I'm not pregnant," I replied. He responded with "Are you sure? Go check again." I nervously walked into the bathroom, thinking "I can't be pregnant. I have waited so long for this and there is no way I will have all my dreams come true at once." I really didn't give that test the 5 minute wait the box directed me to. I saw the same blue line on top and a very faint pink line below it. Tow lines! Pregnant!
I was shocked. So shocked that I took another test. Again a faint second line appeared. Excitement and fear at the same time consumed me. We were a month into this marriage and already had a baby on the way. I took another test a few days later on the day of my missed period, just to be sure and this time the second line was much darker. Definitely pregnant!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Mrs. Ford
11/2014
Two months have passed since I walked down the isle, and I thought it was time to post this!
Habakkuk 2:3 (TLB) "But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"
All of a sudden it was time to begin the processional. We walked out into the hallway, and Lissa prayed over me, and a welcome calm flooded me. My heart quickened as time came closer to the walk down the isle. My littlest sissy, my flower girl was in front of me. It was her turn. She was ready, and thankfully very cooperative. I took a breathe and grabbed my dad's arm. It was time. I just wanted to see my man.
We walked in the beautifully decorated auditorium as my musician brothers' Eric and Ryan played "Annie Song," the song my mother walked down the isle to 34 years earlier. Emotion flooded in. It was my turn. My day. My moment. The tears threatened to start when I saw my friend who would have been a bridesmaid had she not had to have surgery just before the wedding. And then, I saw my man expectantly waiting by the alter.
My dad kissed me and hugged Ryan, and gave me to him. And I could not stop smiling as we walked together in front of our friends and family. It was almost surreal. Pastor Dan did a great job, but the thing I remember is that my man was in front of me, and together with the Lord, we were becoming one. We said our vows, exchanged rings and lit the unity candle. The wedding was perfect. And then we were husband and wife!
We greeted guests following the wedding and signed the marriage licence.
We had pictures in the park and then the reception. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. Everything seemed to happen so fast. But the most exciting part was of course, that we were husband and wife!
We drove home together after packing up so many lovely boxes of gifts and Ryan carried me over the threshold into our home.
And so our story of husband and wife begins.
Two months have passed since I walked down the isle, and I thought it was time to post this!
Habakkuk 2:3 (TLB) "But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"
Years ago when I was a very idealistic teenager, the Lord gave me this verse through my favorite magazine, as a pretty foldout poster. It gave me so perspective and hope over the years, as it felt like the Lord required me to wait a lot!
Well, it finally happened! After so many years of waiting and praying, I am now a wife! Ryan and I celebrated the anniversary of the day we met by getting married!
Life has moved quite quickly in the last year, and I have not really taken the time to write much. But such a significant and blessed day deserves mention.
September 27, 2014 I became Mrs. Ryan Shea Ford. The morning was fairly relaxed, and I greatly enjoyed spending time with my girls and getting ready. I think one of my favorite moments from getting ready was when my little niece, Melina saw me all dressed up and was confused as to what was going on.
As I got ready, I thought of Ryan and really wondered how he was doing. We briefly text that morning and I asked him to get me some Aleve, because I was already at the church and had taken my last one. I wondered if he was able to relax and rest. We had a lot to do to get the church ready for the wedding reception the day before, and he and I were a little stressed. But we were blessed to have a many wonderful friends help us decorate. He sent me home to rest and relax and let everyone else finish. I did, but it took me too long to get to bed. I missed him. But I knew he was spending time with the Lord and resting.
When a friend brought in the Aleve I was relieved, knowing that Ryan was at the church and hopefully could relax and spend time with his guys. When it was time for me to get dressed, I began to get nervously excited. I wanted to see Ryan. To know how he was doing. To know that he was just as excited as I was.
Well, it finally happened! After so many years of waiting and praying, I am now a wife! Ryan and I celebrated the anniversary of the day we met by getting married!
Life has moved quite quickly in the last year, and I have not really taken the time to write much. But such a significant and blessed day deserves mention.
As I got ready, I thought of Ryan and really wondered how he was doing. We briefly text that morning and I asked him to get me some Aleve, because I was already at the church and had taken my last one. I wondered if he was able to relax and rest. We had a lot to do to get the church ready for the wedding reception the day before, and he and I were a little stressed. But we were blessed to have a many wonderful friends help us decorate. He sent me home to rest and relax and let everyone else finish. I did, but it took me too long to get to bed. I missed him. But I knew he was spending time with the Lord and resting.
When a friend brought in the Aleve I was relieved, knowing that Ryan was at the church and hopefully could relax and spend time with his guys. When it was time for me to get dressed, I began to get nervously excited. I wanted to see Ryan. To know how he was doing. To know that he was just as excited as I was.
We walked in the beautifully decorated auditorium as my musician brothers' Eric and Ryan played "Annie Song," the song my mother walked down the isle to 34 years earlier. Emotion flooded in. It was my turn. My day. My moment. The tears threatened to start when I saw my friend who would have been a bridesmaid had she not had to have surgery just before the wedding. And then, I saw my man expectantly waiting by the alter.
My dad kissed me and hugged Ryan, and gave me to him. And I could not stop smiling as we walked together in front of our friends and family. It was almost surreal. Pastor Dan did a great job, but the thing I remember is that my man was in front of me, and together with the Lord, we were becoming one. We said our vows, exchanged rings and lit the unity candle. The wedding was perfect. And then we were husband and wife!
We greeted guests following the wedding and signed the marriage licence.
We had pictures in the park and then the reception. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. Everything seemed to happen so fast. But the most exciting part was of course, that we were husband and wife!
We drove home together after packing up so many lovely boxes of gifts and Ryan carried me over the threshold into our home.
And so our story of husband and wife begins.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Kisses from Heaven!
Sunny with a high of 80. Windows down, music loud, hair dancing. JOY!
Feet bare, in cool grass. Great memories of childhood flood back with each dandelion in sight.
A break to enjoy the sunshine and spend time with the Lord between appointments. Making the most of a busy day.
Studying nutrition half an hour every night. Three mornings this week clothes tried on, awkwardly BIG. Set aside, no longer needed!
Hearing "I'm sorry," when you already know you are too. Tears pour, pride melts. Spirit humbled. Forgiveness begins.
Hugs from little ones.
Hugs in general.
Hearing, "I love you!" from anyone you love back.
Realizing you may be difficult at times, yet still are more than loved.
Sun, setting.
In bed, windows open, book in hand. Cool breeze flowing in.
Doubts creep in. A louder voice pierces them. "Be still and know that I am God."
Hands folded, heart humbled, spirit contrite. "Lord move, or move me."
Frogs chirp, breeze comes. Eyes close. Good night.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
More
For so many years I have prayed for more of God. For more movement. More opportunities to be used of the Lord. Well, I have been seeking and finding lately. And I have realized that a lot of my waiting has been because of a misconception of what I thought "waiting" on God meant to do, and what it looks like to be a Christian. I am learning at times it means getting up even earlier to spend time with him even after going to bed late, before an early work morning. It means seeking until I find.
When I was praying for a nameless husband, the Lord told me that I would find this amazing man who was after God's heart by seeking Him (Matthew 6:33). So I did more than before. The prospect of a husband was quite the motivation for me to do something I knew I should be doing more of anyway. And I knew that it was essential for me to be in a good retinue with seeking the Lord daily and making it a priority, because I knew that when I did meet him, my life would change quite a bit and I would have to guard that time because I need it, and I also need to be sure I am following the path the Lord has for me.
For years, as I prayed for a husband, I prayed that I would grow in wisdom and understanding to be the the kid of wife my husband would need. My ideas on relationships and Christian marriage were not always realistic as time helped me to discover, but the Lord is a patient teacher. I prayed for a man like Jesus for my husband, and most recently, I also prayed for a man like Todd White, a passionate servant of the the Lord, and speaker in the video above. I prayed for a ministry partner in a husband, and that our lives be that of service to each other and to the Lord. And then exactly four months after I turned 30, I met my Ryan.
Ryan is a warrior, a fighter for souls and the things of the Lord. He is so much different than any man I have ever known. He is passionate, athletic, and tough. A real man's man, and is after God's heart. A man like Todd White. Our life together in this season of dating includes seeking the Lord together, serving others and a lot of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Through having him in my life I am learning more about myself, and I do not always like what I discover. I have had to kill off some pride and selfishness in me, more than once, and I am still working on what it looks like to relentlessly follow Christ. I continue to be amazed at how quickly I grow and learn, yet I get so frustrated with myself when I fall short.
Ryan is so full of passion for the Lord and has been blessed with the ability to ignite in others the fire to seek the Lord and instill great motivation. I have been majorly blessed because of this gift of his. Sometimes I find myself begging God for more spiritual gifts. Surely it would have to better equip me for this life. At times, I get frustrated that I have yet to fully realized my spiritual gifts. It is like I feel that I should be able to blink and be at this wonderful place with the Lord and have this even more glorious relationship. I forget that I have to change and grow to be more like Christ so I can be a better mate and a better daughter of my heavenly father. But then I learn that these gifts are already mine! I have to claim them and live in the victory that has already been given to me!
I see this snow covered mountain in front of me crash like an avalanche, only when the snow settles, the mountain was completely swallowed and all is calm and still. A shallow babbling brook narrow enough in places that I could step over is now in place of the mountain. How amazing is my God!?
I want to be possessed by the love of God! My identity is in Christ! I belong to the Lord. I'm learning, and I have some amazing teachers both in the Holy Spirit and in the mentors I have been blessed with. My directions come from seeking Him first and always. No longer will I "wait!"
When I was praying for a nameless husband, the Lord told me that I would find this amazing man who was after God's heart by seeking Him (Matthew 6:33). So I did more than before. The prospect of a husband was quite the motivation for me to do something I knew I should be doing more of anyway. And I knew that it was essential for me to be in a good retinue with seeking the Lord daily and making it a priority, because I knew that when I did meet him, my life would change quite a bit and I would have to guard that time because I need it, and I also need to be sure I am following the path the Lord has for me.
For years, as I prayed for a husband, I prayed that I would grow in wisdom and understanding to be the the kid of wife my husband would need. My ideas on relationships and Christian marriage were not always realistic as time helped me to discover, but the Lord is a patient teacher. I prayed for a man like Jesus for my husband, and most recently, I also prayed for a man like Todd White, a passionate servant of the the Lord, and speaker in the video above. I prayed for a ministry partner in a husband, and that our lives be that of service to each other and to the Lord. And then exactly four months after I turned 30, I met my Ryan.
Ryan is a warrior, a fighter for souls and the things of the Lord. He is so much different than any man I have ever known. He is passionate, athletic, and tough. A real man's man, and is after God's heart. A man like Todd White. Our life together in this season of dating includes seeking the Lord together, serving others and a lot of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Through having him in my life I am learning more about myself, and I do not always like what I discover. I have had to kill off some pride and selfishness in me, more than once, and I am still working on what it looks like to relentlessly follow Christ. I continue to be amazed at how quickly I grow and learn, yet I get so frustrated with myself when I fall short.
Ryan is so full of passion for the Lord and has been blessed with the ability to ignite in others the fire to seek the Lord and instill great motivation. I have been majorly blessed because of this gift of his. Sometimes I find myself begging God for more spiritual gifts. Surely it would have to better equip me for this life. At times, I get frustrated that I have yet to fully realized my spiritual gifts. It is like I feel that I should be able to blink and be at this wonderful place with the Lord and have this even more glorious relationship. I forget that I have to change and grow to be more like Christ so I can be a better mate and a better daughter of my heavenly father. But then I learn that these gifts are already mine! I have to claim them and live in the victory that has already been given to me!
I see this snow covered mountain in front of me crash like an avalanche, only when the snow settles, the mountain was completely swallowed and all is calm and still. A shallow babbling brook narrow enough in places that I could step over is now in place of the mountain. How amazing is my God!?
I want to be possessed by the love of God! My identity is in Christ! I belong to the Lord. I'm learning, and I have some amazing teachers both in the Holy Spirit and in the mentors I have been blessed with. My directions come from seeking Him first and always. No longer will I "wait!"
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