Scary movies and Tea

I just got home after watching a movie with friends. I scavenged the house to find something chocolate, sweet or satisfying. Sadly, the freezer did not contain ice cream, the cookies I made Sunday are gone and so are the brownies I made Monday. All I came up with was a cup of tea. The water is heating now.

We watched Shutter Island, and it was not want I expected. Suspense movies are as scary as I'll watch, and I only will watch them because someone else wants to. Kinda the way I feel about roller coasters. I don't invite fear into my life. Maybe that's why I want that cup of tea. But the movie was not as scary as it was a psychological thriller. We (or I guess I should say, the others) guessed the ending before the movie was over, and that helps lesson the fear factor. It was a good movie though. It still has me thinking about reality.

The starts are out tonight, after storms all afternoon. The lightning and thunder came well before the storm. It was beautiful. The storms came on and off until dark. Now, everything is still and the humidity is way down. I would love to spend some time outside now, if it weren't for the bugs, pondering my reality.


Happiness was holding little Juliette, and laughing with her as she sang little songs with attitude.

I am but one little person in this giant world, born with rights, as any child born in this country is. Upon birth, a US citizen has more than most people in the world. If I were to adopt a child as a single mother, I wonder if that child would be better off to be raised by a single parent in the US. The answer has to be yes, but again, I am just one person, not a set of parents, which I believe children should have, yet I know I could make an eternal difference as a parent. I dream of that child. She is a baby now and she might look like the little one I feel in love with in Mombasa, Kenya.
I would love a baby like this one. The one I have dreamed about.


These dirty little babies were just waiting to be picked up and loved.

Well, I have a few things to figure out before I look to adopt a child. And some beautiful images to remind me why I would want to do such a thing. But it's not so far away in my thoughts lately.

And now it's later, and my tea is finished. Facebook ate up some of my time. But I should say that I am thankful for things such as facebook, and air conditioning, and access to vehicles as needed. So now that I am starting to ramble, I should go to bed. Perhaps tomorrow I will have more intelligible thoughts to write.

Kenya, Books and Summer

I have been reading those teen fiction books, about the girl and the vampire and the werewolf. You know the ones. My best friend has been bugging me for years to read them and I packed the first book in the series (which she gave me about two years ago), in my carry on as I packed for Kenya. I got sucked in to the love triangle as I was flying home from Kenya. That's where it began anyway. I'm in the middle of the fourth and last book of the series, and it's getting strange! I think I liked the second book the best. It was real, and I could relate to so much of it. Now, the vampire is so selfless, willing to give the world to his love, though he can't seem to give her what she needs. I'm more a fan of the werewolf. Selfish and impulsive, but knows how to apologize, and makes things right. He fights hard and is very passionate in all he does. His heart is pure, and seems more real. I guess I have always liked the bad boys, though I do love the old-fashioned chivalry and politeness of the vampire. I'm not as much a fan of the vampire who plays martyr, as it seems right now. Maybe I have become the cynic, but I'm not as into this last book, though the pages still seem to quickly turn. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the 650 or so pages, and reading because I want to. I think at this point, I just welcome the distraction.

When I left Kenya, it was winter, and so I have enjoyed spending some time by the pool, reading and relaxing since coming back to the US. My skin has bronzed quite a bit, and my dark hair has these lighter reddish brown streaks now. All these years, I blamed that on the dye I used to use. But it has been about a year now since I last colored my hair. The few gray pieces by my temples are showing now too, but I let them. The sun is my friend. I let it shine all over me, filling me up with warmth and joy. I missed it when I was in Kenya. Plus, I was on Cipro for a chunk of my time there, so I had to stay out of whatever sun I saw.

I think my body is more than fine now. I was really sick for a few days, and in the middle of a long bus ride, a game park tour and visiting a children's school and orphanage. I am so glad that I am now feeling completely healthy. So much healing has come since then, both emotional and physical. I learned about some fear I had been carrying around for the last two years, and I left so much in Africa. I didn't even realize I had fear, though it was deep and threatened to control. The sleeping issues I have been fighting since the attack in Liberia are now gone. So much was wrapped up into that robbery that only lasted a few minuets of my life. But it's no longer controlling. I have such a new sense of freedom and hope for the future. Life is good. Perhaps even more than good.

I wonder if the desire to go back to Africa will ever go away. I want to live where I am and not worry about where I will be next, but I want to happy where I am. I am much loved in Kenya, and quite a few people there want me to return as a missionary. I would, if that is what God wants, but I'm not as convinced as they seem to be. They tell me all I need is the plane ticket, and they will feed and house me. But life is expensive, and as much as I don't like it, money still rules the world.

I think I'll escape into my fantasy world again, and spend a few hours reading. Hopefully I'll finish the book by tomorrow. Then it's time for a movie marathon with Jessi, watching all the movies based on the books, in order. The third one is in the theaters now. I do love the girl time! I totally love summer.

Goodbye Kenya

We leave Kenya tonight. I became more attached to this country than I thought I would. I definitely will not miss the horrid diesel fumes, and the other black exhaust fumes that permeate Nairobi, or being carsick and stuck in the back of a matitu, (cheap public transportation, in a crowded van with way too many seats, and a crazy driver) and hardly any ventilation. A cold Coke when we made it to town would usually be enough to make me feel good enough to carry on.

But there are so many people I will miss when I leave. Lacey and I were in a taxi with the Bishop a few nights ago, and as Lacey was tying to nap, he and I had a really good conversation. He was telling me that to really be in God's will, you have to pray for it and expect great things. He knows that I want to get married and have children, and was telling me that if I were to live in Kenya and was supported by a church, it is very easy to adopt. He really wants me to come back and stay for a year. At first I though, No Way! But I'm not so apposed to it now. I could live here for awhile and adopt some babies and work in his churches. I could be a missionary. I really do love Africa.

I was prayed over twice, one for my future and success in ministry and life, and the second time was last night, for my health and the headaches and health issued I have had almost two years, since we were attacked in Liberia. As the Bishop prayed and spoke of the enemy and how he messes with us when God is really about to work, it made so much sense. We were attacked only hours after Jack and I became a team. I think of all the wonderful things God could have done with us, and the great things that begun. He went on to pray that God would rewire my brain, and remove any fear and any ill effect from being attacked. His hand was on the top of my head as he prayed and I could feel my headache lesson. Cathy was holding one hand, and Jane had her hand on my forehead. Just as the bishop was praying, Jane was moved and praying with authority in her prayer language, and so was Cathy. I could tell something was coming out. I was really blessed, and I realized that the fear I still sometimes have is not for me, but for the ones I love. It makes sense. I don['t think I was afraid in Liberia that night until I knew I was ok, but had no idea where Jack was, or if he was even alive. When I knew he was fine, all was right, at least I thought it was. God is good, and I have been so blessed!

God is alive and well in Africa! And I have felt him move in me. This morning was the first morning in, I don't even remember how long, where I woke up feeling awake and refreshed, without a headache or a fuzzy head! Praise the Lord! I am so thankful to go home and serve him in the US once again. I'm expecting him to provide me a job. Doing his work in some kind of ministry, with a paycheck. And I so badly want to adopt. It is more heavy on my heart than ever before. I don't think it will be that far away now. =)

Safaris and Orphans

I went on a safari and visited a school and orphanage yesterday. That's kind of a strange combination, I know. Kenya has been a good time, but I clearly know it's just for a time. It's a pretty cool place, but I would rather go back to Liberia, or somewhere new.

As I was wondering around this amazing US funded school yesterday, I was overwhelmed and excited at the same time. Why do I keep looking, I wondered? I am most fulfilled when I am with children, caring for them and meeting their needs. Why has this been such a struggle to discover? I held the hand of 7 year old Stacy as she showed me around her school. Such a beautiful child, and she was so proud that I choose her. Her smile made my day and I almost cried when I realized she is the kind of child I want to know.

If I was already married and a mother, I would have found my calling, but that is not my reality. I am yet unsure of what I will come home to and what type of job God has for me. I want it so badly, but I have not found it yet. I pray I will find it soon. I leave Kenya in 6 days. I'll be glad to rest and recoup by the pool for a few days, but then I have to do something! I need that paying job! I'm trusting God will provide it soon.

I just can't go too long without a child in my arms. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I came here. I have been so busy and not really missed my nursery job, and my little Mimi, but I sure do miss the babies! Liberia, I miss your babies too!

The things God brings my way!

Laura