Change

I still do not understand, but I see that things are changing quite a bit in my life. I'm really busy, but it's ok. I also think I see that God is calling me to do something I would have compleately missed had life followed my plan, the one I have been grieving over not going right for the last two years. This is most interesting to me. I have more a plan now rather than a great dream. My future looks so much brighter. My focus is to be content where I am, and if I can only learn to keep my eyes on Jesus, I know the rest will come!

Worship and Seeking God

My new church has a very traditional feel to the Sunday morning service. Well, It's not just the service. It's the ornate stained glass windows and the amazing architecture which gives it a cathedral look and feel. I was quite surprised at how much I liked it my first Sunday, after enjoying mostly contemporary services in the last few years. My worship experiences have included a myriad of different adventures, from very traditional to very non-traditional, and include prayer meetings with people speaking in tongues, lively services in Africa, to seeking God solo under the evening stars and anywhere in nature, especially along (any) coast. I have come to expect God to be where I am. I come expecting to seek and find God to show up.

I'm learning a lot right now about life. I have been for the last two years, but I realize that I have to relearn some and erase some bad theology. People unwittingly lead us to the wrong place, but right now, I am super blessed to have some wonderful people in my life walking beside me, prying with me, sharing life. I am not ungrateful, though I desire so much more. And by the worlds standards, my wants are really not very out of the ordinary. By the Bible's standard, they are spot on. I feel cursed some days, as though I will always be left wanting, yet I realize that I will never truly arrive til the end of my life. I accept that.

Surrender is never an easy thing. I have come to accept it as essential for peace, but my heart has yet to find itself at rest. This lifelong dream of mine is not what I'm living now. Don't get me wrong, life is full and good, but yet something is missing. I have been blessed with so many of my dreams and hopes and am mostly satisfied, but some days I just want to scream. I feel like I got it all wrong. But I cling to God's promise in Matthew 6:33 that if I will first seek his kingdom and his righteousness, then, oh yes, then the blessing will come. And he has these things for me, I believe he does. This waiting just seems to have become my life.

But I worship Him in prayer and praise. Just around from my office is this great little chapel I often wander into and pray and sing my heart out to my creator. The stained glass and the ornate wood carvings tell about the faith traditions of those gone before us, preserved to now, for people like me to enjoy. God is in that place.

I'm waiting on the Lord. Perhaps it will become my life, but at least by now I know the drill. Maybe in a few more years I'll actually be better at it. I can only hope.

Director of Student Ministries...

That is my job title. I have to say, so much about this new job just snuck up on me. Yes, I was looking for a job, but it wasn't my plan to work in a church again and I never thought I would be working with youth full-time. If I would have ignore that little nudge when a friend emailed me the job posting, I could have missed a lot. This is again one of those times in life that God's blessings have been so much greater than my imagination. And looking back I can see God has been preparing me for this place as long as ten years ago. Maybe even longer. I am able to do so much in this job. Yes, I have great responsibility, both to my new church and to God. I would be foolish to overlook that. But this position within the church has already opened doors I never knew existed. It is a ministry of my heart, with a paycheck, something I have wanted but wasn't sure even existed.

I get to hang out with teenagers and enjoy with them, this stage of their life. I am now the one they listen to. I hope to be the one they will come to. And I have the church backing me on this! The pastors, God and I are in charged of the spiritual development of young people. I work with the best! Part of the blessing is being mentored by the pastors. We are already quite a team! Many others in ministry want to help and have offered to mentor me in this new place in life. So many people are excited with me and so ready to share resources, experience and knowledge. To top it off, I have a great group of adult youth coaches, who show up and invest in the lives of the youth.

One of the best parts about this new place in life I am in, is that I now have practically unlimited access to this lovely prayer chapel. It is a medium sized room with pews practically stacked to fit about 75 people. I can hardly enter the doorway with out first feeling the need to take off my shoes. It is holy ground, and makes me think of the faith of all the people who have before me, darkened the door of this holy place. After my shoes are off, I usually then notice the flood of eminence peace wash over me. Most days it fills my spirit and satisfies my soul.

Once inside, I will often walk a few steps to the altar and kneel down on the kneeler which has been used for the last 100 years, and talk to God. I pray til my knees hurt, which doesn't take long since the kneeler is made of hard wood without a cushion. Not comfortable, but nether was Christ as he carried my sin. I then will sing praises as they come to mind, or flip through a hymnal and sing the songs I know. The acoustics are amazing in that space, and I like to think that no one can hear me excpedt God. No one has complained yet. :) I have learned not to go into that place without pen and paper, for it is often in the quiet in the chapel that a great idea for a talk will come to mind. Sometimes that is the very reason I wonder in their to begin with.

The blessings have been great in this new season of life thus far, but God has also stretched me quite a bit and I haven't forgotten to give it all back to him. I am not so far out of the woods yet to forget the what being lost feels like. I read a wonderful blog on this a few days ago, that I would highly recommend. It is something that I know I will reference again and again for encouragement in the desert times in my life. I very much wish I had read something like this before.

As I am enjoying this time of blessing, I have to remind myself to seek God first and let that be my focus, because I am already looking for the next big blessings! However, I am not naieve enough to believe I will not end up in the desert again.