Two Things

I already forgot the second one because blogger made me type in the strange letter code thing to sign in.

So the first one is that I bought a Vitamix, and I LOVE it.  I have been having at least one smoothie every day.  I'm in need of more energy, and I need to stop eating the fast food that seems to come along with this job.

Yesterday, I was talking to Sara, our office manager, and an office volunteer at the church, and I was telling them how tired I have been since camp and  they were talking about exercise.  So I was inspired to start exercising again.

So this morning, I woke up before my alarm, and spent some time in prayer.  Then I did a workout and got ready for work.  Then I made a smoothie of two carrots, some cabbage, a banana, a lime, strawberries and raspberries.  It was amazing!  I'm getting healthy and I actually feel good this morning!

Camp is Over

I had a great time at camp, but I am so glad it's over.  I'm tired just thinking about it!  It was a good week, and I am ready for a get away to spend some much needed time with God.  Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to find that time.

At the cross where I spent some time with God

Tuesday at camp, I spent horizontal hour at the valley fire circle.  I knew before I went to camp that God and I were going to do some business.  I was right, and it hurt.  I want so badly to be delivered from a situation that remains on my heart.  I pray and pray and hope for someone I love, and see such few results.  The real change, the big deal moment has not happened, though so many near death experiences have.   How close do you need to come to death, and how many times, before you can say that God is watching out for you?  Anyway, I am sick of praying for this friend, yet I still feel lead to.

Cross at the fire circle 

Well, long story short, God told me that I just need to keep at it.  That he was not going to release me from carrying this weight for my friend, and that he would handle it.  I don't see much evidence of change and every selfish word breaks my heart.  But God keeps telling me to persevere, that the payoff will be worth it.  As I was praying, and beginning to tear up out of my frustration, and this situation, my Bible flipped pages in the breeze, and stopped at Habakkuk 2:3, to the place that was underlined in my translation, "time is coming soon."  Then I really started to cry.  I sure hope that is true, because from where I sit, it doesn't look like it at all.  But I keep remembering that God can see the big picture when we can only see what is in front of us.

I am mostly content right now, and I usually am.  I had learned to be discontent, and God has really done a work in me.  He took away from me the things I wanted  most.  I have mostly recovered from that.  And I do expect so much more.  So much better.  I want a HUGE apology from the one who hurt me more than any other, once realization of actions finally sinks in.  I think denial abounds now.  And I suppose I could be waiting years, but I believe, that will be the day that I can finally move on.

A mutual friend told me their perception is that our friend is dealing with bitterness in life, and that is a killer.  And I have so many things I would like to say to this friend the next time we meet, but I have no plans.  I have days worth of lectures that brew in my head.  They are waiting to be poured out and completely saturate the parched bones of the one who has gone astray.  But only God could orchestrate such a meeting, because I'm not going to create a mess for myself again.  If there is anything I have learned in the last few years, it is when to bite my tongue.

I pray for a ministry partner as everyone seems to be getting married, or celebrating marriage by having babies all around me.  That thought often comes, that I am missing out in my singleness.  That if only I had a good godly husband that I could experience the fullness of life I desperately desire.  I know there will never be a magic button or anything, but I so badly wish I had someone.  Someone to share ideas with.  Someone to kiss good morning, and hold me when I'm sad.  Someone I knew was praying for me and fighting on my behalf to God, in the hard moments.  Man, woman and God, coming together in a fullness that only happens in marriage.  Marriage was God's idea, and I pray he will provide and let me in this club.

I'm an aunt again.  Perhaps that's where this came from.  Edmund William was born on Friday.  Now I have two nephews, born 12 days apart.  Perhaps someday I will be able to give them cousins.  I am excited to be an aunt again, and I can't wait to meet little Edmund.

My day just dramatically improved.  Baby Gabriel is here for a visit!

I'm totally falling in love with this baby

Being an aunt rocks!

I'm an Aunt.. And at Camp

First, I am an aunt! My sister had her baby boy.


Gabriel Michael was born at 6:21AM on July 10.  He weighed 9 lbs 3 oz and was 21.5 inches.

The little turkey took all night to be born.  Liss and Jeremy went to the hospital at 6am on Saturday to be induced, after being 12 days overdue.  Around 10pm she was dilated to 5 and the doctor broke the water and we all thought he was coming soon.  My mom and I went to the hospital and waited with Jeremy's parents and sister.  We kept getting updates and just after midnight she started pushing.  The baby was stuck though, with his head slightly turned.  But Lissa persevered through 6 hours of pushing, determined not to have a C-section.  Finally around 6am Jeremy came out to the waiting room saying that Lissa needed more encouragement and my mom, Jeremy's mom and I went in the delivery room.  She had been in labor for 24 hours by this point. 

I walked in the delivery room, and it was hard to see my sister like that.  She had said before that she only wanted her husband with her when the baby was born, and I felt a little awkward, having no clue what to do.  But she was focused on the contractions.  I was filled with nervous excitement and almost wanted to cry for my little sister, as if being up for 24 hours was not enough, she had endured a long and tough labor with Pitocen the entire time, which makes contractions much more difficult.  I stood by her head and prayed that his little head would finally move down that he would be born.  Moments later, he was crowning, and the nurses called the doctor.  When he came in and got ready, it was all business.  Through one contraction in a beautiful moment, he was born, and we were all delighted to be there to witness it.  I think we all cried some.  

I was next to Jeremy, who reached over to touch is new son, who was now laying on Lissa's stomach, but hesitated twice.  I put my hand on his back, and told him it was OK.  Gabriel was turning pink and Lissa took a first look at him.  My mom proudly cut the cord.  We are all falling in love.

I spent a few hours with them, and then I had to go home and pack up my car for camp.  Thankfully, they let me be a little late.  So after getting maybe 30 or 45 min of sleep on a bench at the hospital, I drove off to Camp Adventure, where I am the activities coordinator this week.  My middle school students are here along with some of my high school students who are counseling and helping.  I am sleeping in a cabin, kind of keeping order and assisting the counselors who are under 18, but am not responsible for campers.  I'm really thankful for the way it all worked out.  God was really good to me, and I was mostly OK for pulling an all-nighter.  I am thankful for horizontal hour!  I have taken naps the last two days, and I hope to get one today as well!  Other than having to cut in line past campers to shower, (which I do feel bad about) or shower after campers are already asleep, and the fact that I have given up on shaving my legs this week because of limited shower time (I am thankful I am tan, and it doesn't show much) things are good!

The games have gone really well with our 200 campers.  Even the one I lead on Sunday night on no sleep.  I'm so glad everything was all planned and I gathered all supplies last week.  The campers are having a blast and so are the counselors.  I have even been able to sneak away to spend some much needed time with God.  This is a place I always heard from him.  There are so many places to go away from people.  I sure do love this places, and I am getting some answers.  

Now I have to go take some pictures of my kids during activities rotation.  I hope some are on the Blob and at high ropes, because that's where I am headed.  Good times!

Camp Adventure

Before this summer, Camp Adventure, the camp for middle school, has always been my favorite camp, of the Indiana UMC camps.  Perhaps because I spent a summer there on summer staff and counseled there, but so far, That Thing at Epworth was my favorite.  Maybe it was because of the people I spent the week with.  My students were great, and I had an incredible team of adult counselors and cooks from my church to depend on. I was a blessed leader last week!

This coming Sunday, I will be the activities coordinator, a part of the directing team for the week at Camp Adventure.  I have a bunch of games all planned out, and a trunk full of supplies.  I am a little sad that I am not going to be a counselor, but I do hope to be able to spend some time with my students.

I wish I had another week, at least to sleep more!  I hardly have a weekend to sleep in (or a day to go to bed before midnight) and it was a week of long hours getting ready for this camp.  Plus, I am waiting to become an aunt, and chances are that the little guy, already late, is going to come while I am away.  But I think I am all set.  I just have to through some clothes in the suit case that was only partially unpacked from last week (the clean clothes stayed) and be on my way.

I have found some interesting conclusions in the last week from an unexpected place.  I would love to believe it as truth, but my reality makes it seem unlikely.  Where is God's voice in my head, because ether my conscience and God sound a lot alike, or I'm just confused.  Priscilla Schirer says you know it's God's voice when you have a thought that is not something you would normally think or it is completely out of the blue.  She also says that when God is telling you something he will confirm it with scripture.  I need to go read my Bible.  But I remember to trust God, and not judge progress by what I can see.  I know by now that only time will tell for sure.

I heard from God at Epworth and I am expecting I will hear from him at CA as well.  I have a few questions that I feel he is going to answer there.  Maybe not, but he has answered my questions there before.  Some big ones in big ways.  It is a place that I can just feel God's presence as soon as I pull into the drive.  I love that  camp and I hope I will receive and try very hard to accept all God is going to tell me.  It's going to be a good week!

Camp Week 2, That Thing

I got home a week ago from an incredible week at camp.  I am about to pack for week three, my final week of camp, which begins on Sunday.  It was a full and blessed week. This time I took high school students (ages 13-18).  We had an amazing worship band, Sleep Eat Slam, and a wonderful speaker, Matt Laidlaw (who is the youth pastor at Rob Bell's church.  He related very well to my students as he taught from the Bible and through stories. Hearing him twice a day, I got fed a lot too which added the wonderful camp week.  I spent my days with my students in worship, and playing at the lake, going paintballing and having late night chats.  We stayed up late and got up early.  It took me days to recover the lack of sleep, but it was well worth it.  

Some camp highlights include being blessed with some earrings from a random person, by the Destiny Rescue jewelry table.  I was talking to some of my students as we looked at the jewelry and I was saying that I wished I had money on me.  A girl handed me some money.  I objected saying I did have money, it was just at the lodge.  She told me to take it, that she was blessed with $100 by a stranger at Good Will when she said she was going to a church camp.  Anyway, the rescued girls make jewelry to sell and raise money for the ministry.  The woman who runs the ministry with her husband spoke one day in worship and gave her testimony.  They rescue children from human and sex trafficking, and it was a great opportunity to move the souls of some young people.  

As I was worshiping one day, I realized I really need more training, so I have finally decided I need to take classes in the fall in ministry.  My heart continues to want to teach Biblical truths to young women.  They need to know how much they are valued and how to go about finding love.  They need to see their value in Christ and know the love of God and other Christians so they will not be looking to men to fill that void.  God helped me to see this throughout the week, and provided some great opportunities to speak candidly about some important things with just the girls.  

God used me in some really unexpected ways throughout the week and some really neat things happened.  One of the coolest ways is that I really felt like I needed to have a talk about modesty to the girls, and what wearing low tops and short shorts does to their Christian brothers, as well as any man.  I pulled the 19 girls away from the guys for a talk one day.  I emphasized that God's rules about modesty and sexual purity are for our own safety and to protect us, but I added that even the girl that is raped because she wears tight, immodest clothing does not deserve it.  Men have to choose to control their desires, but we should help them out.  I told them how much they are valued and that God wants others to see who they are, not what they wear (or do not wear).  I told them they were beautiful and that they needed to protect that beauty and really be aware of how the way they dress effects men of all ages.  It was a shock to most of them, and I was glad we had the time to have the talk.  It just kind of came out.  It wasn't my plan, but they all asked good questions and their eyes were opened.   I have not had an opportunity before now to have the conversation, but I challenged them to stay accountable to each other in the way they dress.  At least now they know why it is important.

Wednesday night I stayed up til after 2 with some of the kids.  They wanted to hear the attack story, and had been bugging me for months to tell it, so I started at the beginning.  It is a very personal story and some of my students who had friends who knew me when it happened began to talk about it.  So I told the story of going to Liberia in 2007 and lead up to the attack in 2009.  I finished and wondered if I should have shared so much.  I have never been so open with them about all the details and the relationship that was all wrapped up in that story.  Just like usual, I started to shake as I told it.  But my students were so engaged.  When I was done, one of my guys told me he really likes the way I tell stories.  And in a few days, my scars will be 3 years old.  

So the last day at camp, I get a text from one of my high school students, who began to open up to me.  As we were in the same room, but doing other things around the other 35 people with our group, she text me that she was really sorry for my scars and for Jesus' scars from being whipped.  She said that we didn't deserve them or choose them, but we have them. But she chooses to cut her skin when she feels depressed.  She told me she was sorry for what happened to me.  It touched my heart in a very unexpected way.  The next night was the last night, and she text me that she really felt she needed to tell me her story, which she does not tell anyone.  I was amazed at what she had suffered in the name of lust and control, but more than that, at the healing and freedom she now felt from me being open and sharing about some of my scars.  God totally used my story, being so open and it hit me all at once.  I did not intend to be so open or share so much, but once I got going, I did not stop myself.  That was God's plan, and healing came out of it for at least two of us.  With my students playing games and having fun all around me, I sat where I was with silent tears rolling down my cheeks, thankful that no one noticed but the one who was texting me.  

During the week at camp, I had a friend on my heart quite a bit as we worshiped.  Sometimes it was very distracting as I tried to worship.  I would stop singing and pray.  One time, I asked God to do a transforming work in this friend and as the words left my mouth, I saw this vision of my friend, alone outside, bending over on hands and knees in front of a large cross.  I just prayed that God would spark something new and real in this life.  That this friend would forgo Christianity and try to follow Jesus.  It was really the first time I can remember when I was worshiping God and I saw some kind of a vision as I prayed.  It was pretty cool, and I sure hope it is happening, or will soon happen for my friend.

It was a very full and fun week.  I spent all my free time with my students, and picked things like canoeing over taking a nap.  They wanted me to be a part of everything they did.  I even played on the Aqua Rocker, a giant inflatable teeter totter in the water, with them.  It was a great week and my paintball welt is just a fading bruise, I think I am almost ready for my final week at camp.