Beautiful Day!

Some days are more difficult than others as I walk this life as a Christian. This weekend has been a reflective one for me, perhaps as I am on the threshold of celebrating my 30th year of life. I am truly excited for this milestone, and though I thought that I would have more checked off my bucket list by now, the last 29 years have been pretty good, and flown by.

Today, the sun is shining and people are outside. Sadly it is not quite warm enough to spend the day in the pool, as I would have liked to do. But it is a beautiful day none the less. I was blessed to be able to get away from "normal," and escape to my favorite little park, where I get to hide from the world and talk to God. And yell or cry or say whatever I need to get out. And I did. And God and I talked about me turning 30, and he told me all those things I am still waiting on are coming. And peace fills my spirit.

Today, one of my favorite pastors preached on Lamentations 3:17-26. It is great to be reminder to wait on the Lord!

"I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.” I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Childlike Worship

Sunday I went to church with my family. I was spending time with my youngest brother that day, and it made more sense for me to go to church with them, then go to mine on the other side of town and try to drive across town to get ten year old J and get to out movie on time. It was a family service, and after the first half, those who wanted to, went out into the local neighborhoods to deliver welcoming boxes inviting people to church. I stayed for the rest of the service with J and four old Mia, while the other half of my family who were at church that day went to deliver the box.

Mia usually goes to Sunday School. Her sensory issues and dysregulated brain typically prevent her from sitting still. But their was no Sunday school this Sunday. And the service was mostly singing and prayer. My heart was so wanting to connect to my creator and focus on worship, but after being Mia's big sister for the last three years, I know to dare not let her out of my sight. She runs. But I wanted to worship. And she and I often pray and worship together. She knows how it goes, and was sandwiched between me and the next pew. So I closed my eyes and lifted my arms, feeling her skinny arms raised directly in front of me. I could feel God smiling on us. Mia, with all the lack in her first 12 months in the care of her MMR bio mom, gets this worship thing. She may forget to ask before she darts out the front door, and she may require way too much redirection. But she knows who her savior is, and how to connect with him. My baby sis can praise God in way I did not learn until I was practically an adult.

It is moments like that with my Jesus and my Mia that I feel so free to worship. And we do! Saturday night I have been going to yet another church, The Vineyard. As I raised my left hand in worship, in my head, I saw the Lord grab it and dance me around as though it were just me and him on a giant ball room floor. And I love how closing my eyes in worship closes out my reality and distractions and connects me to God in my imagination and though my spirit.

I still desire some spiritual gifts I have yet to discover for myself, but I know I am not lacking. God has released me from my second job, and I hardly had time to think before he has filled those 15 hours with more ministry and serving. And most importantly, mentoring and spending much more quality time with my younger siblings.