I can't believe that 2010 is almost over. It's been a very full year. I remembered how to live for me again. I'm learning to remember hurts no more.
I have a good job, which I love. I'm beginning to collect furniture and household items for my own place which I should move into in a few months. I'm going on some cool adventures with my youth, including Kenya, and I get to do summer camp again!
Life sure is busy, but I am very much enjoying it!
The highlight of this week is that I get two days in a row off! I'm going to praise God for that!
So for 2011, I have no great expectations or pressure as I have felt in years past. I'll get married and have kids when the time is right. I'm busy enough letting God be God and remembering to be Laura. I'll keep working on the surrender and trust thing, and expect God to do his show up and be amazing, thing.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Teenagers!
I love being a youth director and the crazy kids who text and facebook chat me at all hours. They are not so bad, and I appreciate that they have accepted me as one to share stories with and confide in. I'm stretching this week to look into some of the issues they face, so I can better help them as they have questions. I'm researching cutting right now. I have to say that I am overwhelmingly upset by it the more I find out. Teens who cut, (scratch or cut skin with razor or other sharp objects til it bleeds),or self-mutilate often do so because they need an outlet for psycholigical pain, usually from depression or a trauma. From what I have discovered, prevention (or the cure) for this and other kids of trouble teens get into is as simple as an adult who cares enough about them enough to ask questions and check up on them. If this is the case, often it will not go far or become a habit. Having someone to confide in who will provide unconditional love seems like the answer to so many issues people face. They so badly want someone to believe in them. They want to know it is going to be OK and that they are not alone and they do have what it takes to make it through the issue at hand.
The solution appears to be all about prevention. Train your children! Proverbs 22:6 says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." I am just realizing now how huge a command this is. I'm not a parent yet, but I know that as someone who has had a hand in raising numerous children, so many of us fall so short of this. Teens want and need to feel loved and accepted. It is why they get pregnant and make other big mistakes. They want to know why they should not do something, so if no one has taught them what is the right way (or sometimes even still) curiosity will lead them to experiment. Parents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, we have to offer this unconditional love to them! If we don't they will try to find it in the world and it will cost them, and us.
Some of the experimental things kids do is just because they are curious. They want to feel the emotional rush of a first kiss, and wonder if he will still be there if she doesn't give everything to him. They suffer from not fitting in, and an extreme lack of experience. So they go on adventures and they do whatever sounds good in the moment. They do not think about the future or even the next week.
But the kid who has had a parent who tells them things like "There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you," (and really live it) will have a much better chance of making the "right" choice when push comes to shove. The difference is that children must be taught at such a young age that decisions about sexual purity, doing drugs and harming yourself or others, have already been made. If they know they are greatly loved by a parent, they will will be less likely to make the stupid choice, because the unconditional love is established, and among other reasons, it will not produce the parental shock most kids desire.
The most frustrating thing for me right now is teen neglect on the part of a parent. I don't see it often, but it looks so ugly and costs so much. I'm automatically drawn to such kids, and my heart cries for the parental love that is lacking in their lives. Rich or poor, it is still there and it is just devastating.
So parents, keep on praising your children and offering them unconditional love and grace. Punish them when they mess up, but never withhold love! Teenagers today are dealing with all kinds of pressure and feeling misunderstood. My heart goes out to them and I'm increasingly convinced that if at all possible, I will be homeschooling my children. There is so much to learn both in and outside of the classroom, and I want to be sure they have a great foundation for being successful in life.
The solution appears to be all about prevention. Train your children! Proverbs 22:6 says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." I am just realizing now how huge a command this is. I'm not a parent yet, but I know that as someone who has had a hand in raising numerous children, so many of us fall so short of this. Teens want and need to feel loved and accepted. It is why they get pregnant and make other big mistakes. They want to know why they should not do something, so if no one has taught them what is the right way (or sometimes even still) curiosity will lead them to experiment. Parents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, we have to offer this unconditional love to them! If we don't they will try to find it in the world and it will cost them, and us.
Some of the experimental things kids do is just because they are curious. They want to feel the emotional rush of a first kiss, and wonder if he will still be there if she doesn't give everything to him. They suffer from not fitting in, and an extreme lack of experience. So they go on adventures and they do whatever sounds good in the moment. They do not think about the future or even the next week.
But the kid who has had a parent who tells them things like "There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you," (and really live it) will have a much better chance of making the "right" choice when push comes to shove. The difference is that children must be taught at such a young age that decisions about sexual purity, doing drugs and harming yourself or others, have already been made. If they know they are greatly loved by a parent, they will will be less likely to make the stupid choice, because the unconditional love is established, and among other reasons, it will not produce the parental shock most kids desire.
The most frustrating thing for me right now is teen neglect on the part of a parent. I don't see it often, but it looks so ugly and costs so much. I'm automatically drawn to such kids, and my heart cries for the parental love that is lacking in their lives. Rich or poor, it is still there and it is just devastating.
So parents, keep on praising your children and offering them unconditional love and grace. Punish them when they mess up, but never withhold love! Teenagers today are dealing with all kinds of pressure and feeling misunderstood. My heart goes out to them and I'm increasingly convinced that if at all possible, I will be homeschooling my children. There is so much to learn both in and outside of the classroom, and I want to be sure they have a great foundation for being successful in life.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Bits and Pieces
My life seems to be coming together in bits and pieces. Not fast enough for me, but I'm thankful for what I do have. I fear I keep searching and I'll find nothing, or miss something meant for me because it was too close for me to notice before it passes me by. I have never so badly wanted to control my life, or rather been aware of the need to let go. I know that is not how God wants me to live.
I have experienced a few unexpected blessing in the last few weeks, and I have had some answers to prayer. I thank God for this calm, whenever it falls on me. Some of these people, I think I'm helping, have really helped me see the face of God. Minnie, for one, I will never forget and was so blessed the day she walked into my office, very much out of breath. Thank you God, for using me to hug her and listen to a sweet old lady who had no one to care for her in the world. She is ill and her family has all died. Her reality has changed because she has found some help in the church.
My thinking has been changing quite a bit. Who I have been is not who God wants me to become. I have been foolish and selfish. I wanted to be this quite rebel, but I realized I was only being childish. I was becoming more and more desensitized to the difference of the things of the world and the things of God. The more I study and get to know God, the more I realize those crazy big families who homeschool, do a lot right. I had respect for them, but that was all. But I realized we are all trying to get it right and life is not easy. No one on this side of heaven will get it all right, but I have been surprising myself at how much I want to be more like them.
Part of this comes from watching the Duggar family. I got both 17 Kids And Counting (season 1)and 18 Kids And Counting(season 2)on DVD and really appreciate how that family does things. It has really made me rethink some of the little things I do and accept in modern culture. They are a great Christian example and I really hope God will bless me with a great husband in the next few years, and I will have the opportunity to homeschool my own children. I want to be the one to teach them the important things, and I cannot think of a better way to be sure they are learning what I think they should know about God and for life than teaching them myself.
This change in thinking has been quite unexpected, for only two years ago I could hardly entertain the thought of homeschooling and the entire idea of being so strangely out of the world. Now, the whole lifestyle looks very appealing. I'm not about to forgo pants and wear turtlenecks, but I have become much more aware of the importance of dressing modestly, thanks to hearing the definition of immodestly dressed women as being defrauding, according to the Duggar's, means, "Stirring up sensual desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled. Yikes! It makes me rethink modesty.
I'm so thankful that though I so badly wanted marriage and children years ago, God knew better. I would have been a loyal wife, but so much more a selfish one. My attempts to raise my children in and not of the world would have failed, because I would not have been able to see a clear difference. I am so thankful God has been challenging my thinking on so many things, and he has given me a new understanding of the way he wants them to be.
I would have missed this before, and way too many Christians are missing the point. We don't dress any differently or look and different, and sometimes, we do not even act any differently then our unbelieving neighbors, yet we expect God to bless us and give us great tasks to accomplish on his behalf. I'm not trying to judge here, I'm simply stating that I want to be different, a radical, not a rebel. I want to be more like what God wants me to be and that means looking less and less like the world. This could be very difficult and cost me, but I have already lost a lot from failing in trying to do it the world's way. It's a challenge that is too important not see through.
This is exciting. This is good.
I have experienced a few unexpected blessing in the last few weeks, and I have had some answers to prayer. I thank God for this calm, whenever it falls on me. Some of these people, I think I'm helping, have really helped me see the face of God. Minnie, for one, I will never forget and was so blessed the day she walked into my office, very much out of breath. Thank you God, for using me to hug her and listen to a sweet old lady who had no one to care for her in the world. She is ill and her family has all died. Her reality has changed because she has found some help in the church.
My thinking has been changing quite a bit. Who I have been is not who God wants me to become. I have been foolish and selfish. I wanted to be this quite rebel, but I realized I was only being childish. I was becoming more and more desensitized to the difference of the things of the world and the things of God. The more I study and get to know God, the more I realize those crazy big families who homeschool, do a lot right. I had respect for them, but that was all. But I realized we are all trying to get it right and life is not easy. No one on this side of heaven will get it all right, but I have been surprising myself at how much I want to be more like them.
Part of this comes from watching the Duggar family. I got both 17 Kids And Counting (season 1)and 18 Kids And Counting(season 2)on DVD and really appreciate how that family does things. It has really made me rethink some of the little things I do and accept in modern culture. They are a great Christian example and I really hope God will bless me with a great husband in the next few years, and I will have the opportunity to homeschool my own children. I want to be the one to teach them the important things, and I cannot think of a better way to be sure they are learning what I think they should know about God and for life than teaching them myself.
This change in thinking has been quite unexpected, for only two years ago I could hardly entertain the thought of homeschooling and the entire idea of being so strangely out of the world. Now, the whole lifestyle looks very appealing. I'm not about to forgo pants and wear turtlenecks, but I have become much more aware of the importance of dressing modestly, thanks to hearing the definition of immodestly dressed women as being defrauding, according to the Duggar's, means, "Stirring up sensual desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled. Yikes! It makes me rethink modesty.
I'm so thankful that though I so badly wanted marriage and children years ago, God knew better. I would have been a loyal wife, but so much more a selfish one. My attempts to raise my children in and not of the world would have failed, because I would not have been able to see a clear difference. I am so thankful God has been challenging my thinking on so many things, and he has given me a new understanding of the way he wants them to be.
I would have missed this before, and way too many Christians are missing the point. We don't dress any differently or look and different, and sometimes, we do not even act any differently then our unbelieving neighbors, yet we expect God to bless us and give us great tasks to accomplish on his behalf. I'm not trying to judge here, I'm simply stating that I want to be different, a radical, not a rebel. I want to be more like what God wants me to be and that means looking less and less like the world. This could be very difficult and cost me, but I have already lost a lot from failing in trying to do it the world's way. It's a challenge that is too important not see through.
This is exciting. This is good.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Change
I still do not understand, but I see that things are changing quite a bit in my life. I'm really busy, but it's ok. I also think I see that God is calling me to do something I would have compleately missed had life followed my plan, the one I have been grieving over not going right for the last two years. This is most interesting to me. I have more a plan now rather than a great dream. My future looks so much brighter. My focus is to be content where I am, and if I can only learn to keep my eyes on Jesus, I know the rest will come!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Worship and Seeking God
My new church has a very traditional feel to the Sunday morning service. Well, It's not just the service. It's the ornate stained glass windows and the amazing architecture which gives it a cathedral look and feel. I was quite surprised at how much I liked it my first Sunday, after enjoying mostly contemporary services in the last few years. My worship experiences have included a myriad of different adventures, from very traditional to very non-traditional, and include prayer meetings with people speaking in tongues, lively services in Africa, to seeking God solo under the evening stars and anywhere in nature, especially along (any) coast. I have come to expect God to be where I am. I come expecting to seek and find God to show up.
I'm learning a lot right now about life. I have been for the last two years, but I realize that I have to relearn some and erase some bad theology. People unwittingly lead us to the wrong place, but right now, I am super blessed to have some wonderful people in my life walking beside me, prying with me, sharing life. I am not ungrateful, though I desire so much more. And by the worlds standards, my wants are really not very out of the ordinary. By the Bible's standard, they are spot on. I feel cursed some days, as though I will always be left wanting, yet I realize that I will never truly arrive til the end of my life. I accept that.
Surrender is never an easy thing. I have come to accept it as essential for peace, but my heart has yet to find itself at rest. This lifelong dream of mine is not what I'm living now. Don't get me wrong, life is full and good, but yet something is missing. I have been blessed with so many of my dreams and hopes and am mostly satisfied, but some days I just want to scream. I feel like I got it all wrong. But I cling to God's promise in Matthew 6:33 that if I will first seek his kingdom and his righteousness, then, oh yes, then the blessing will come. And he has these things for me, I believe he does. This waiting just seems to have become my life.
But I worship Him in prayer and praise. Just around from my office is this great little chapel I often wander into and pray and sing my heart out to my creator. The stained glass and the ornate wood carvings tell about the faith traditions of those gone before us, preserved to now, for people like me to enjoy. God is in that place.
I'm waiting on the Lord. Perhaps it will become my life, but at least by now I know the drill. Maybe in a few more years I'll actually be better at it. I can only hope.
I'm learning a lot right now about life. I have been for the last two years, but I realize that I have to relearn some and erase some bad theology. People unwittingly lead us to the wrong place, but right now, I am super blessed to have some wonderful people in my life walking beside me, prying with me, sharing life. I am not ungrateful, though I desire so much more. And by the worlds standards, my wants are really not very out of the ordinary. By the Bible's standard, they are spot on. I feel cursed some days, as though I will always be left wanting, yet I realize that I will never truly arrive til the end of my life. I accept that.
Surrender is never an easy thing. I have come to accept it as essential for peace, but my heart has yet to find itself at rest. This lifelong dream of mine is not what I'm living now. Don't get me wrong, life is full and good, but yet something is missing. I have been blessed with so many of my dreams and hopes and am mostly satisfied, but some days I just want to scream. I feel like I got it all wrong. But I cling to God's promise in Matthew 6:33 that if I will first seek his kingdom and his righteousness, then, oh yes, then the blessing will come. And he has these things for me, I believe he does. This waiting just seems to have become my life.
But I worship Him in prayer and praise. Just around from my office is this great little chapel I often wander into and pray and sing my heart out to my creator. The stained glass and the ornate wood carvings tell about the faith traditions of those gone before us, preserved to now, for people like me to enjoy. God is in that place.
I'm waiting on the Lord. Perhaps it will become my life, but at least by now I know the drill. Maybe in a few more years I'll actually be better at it. I can only hope.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Director of Student Ministries...
That is my job title. I have to say, so much about this new job just snuck up on me. Yes, I was looking for a job, but it wasn't my plan to work in a church again and I never thought I would be working with youth full-time. If I would have ignore that little nudge when a friend emailed me the job posting, I could have missed a lot. This is again one of those times in life that God's blessings have been so much greater than my imagination. And looking back I can see God has been preparing me for this place as long as ten years ago. Maybe even longer. I am able to do so much in this job. Yes, I have great responsibility, both to my new church and to God. I would be foolish to overlook that. But this position within the church has already opened doors I never knew existed. It is a ministry of my heart, with a paycheck, something I have wanted but wasn't sure even existed.
I get to hang out with teenagers and enjoy with them, this stage of their life. I am now the one they listen to. I hope to be the one they will come to. And I have the church backing me on this! The pastors, God and I are in charged of the spiritual development of young people. I work with the best! Part of the blessing is being mentored by the pastors. We are already quite a team! Many others in ministry want to help and have offered to mentor me in this new place in life. So many people are excited with me and so ready to share resources, experience and knowledge. To top it off, I have a great group of adult youth coaches, who show up and invest in the lives of the youth.
One of the best parts about this new place in life I am in, is that I now have practically unlimited access to this lovely prayer chapel. It is a medium sized room with pews practically stacked to fit about 75 people. I can hardly enter the doorway with out first feeling the need to take off my shoes. It is holy ground, and makes me think of the faith of all the people who have before me, darkened the door of this holy place. After my shoes are off, I usually then notice the flood of eminence peace wash over me. Most days it fills my spirit and satisfies my soul.
Once inside, I will often walk a few steps to the altar and kneel down on the kneeler which has been used for the last 100 years, and talk to God. I pray til my knees hurt, which doesn't take long since the kneeler is made of hard wood without a cushion. Not comfortable, but nether was Christ as he carried my sin. I then will sing praises as they come to mind, or flip through a hymnal and sing the songs I know. The acoustics are amazing in that space, and I like to think that no one can hear me excpedt God. No one has complained yet. :) I have learned not to go into that place without pen and paper, for it is often in the quiet in the chapel that a great idea for a talk will come to mind. Sometimes that is the very reason I wonder in their to begin with.
The blessings have been great in this new season of life thus far, but God has also stretched me quite a bit and I haven't forgotten to give it all back to him. I am not so far out of the woods yet to forget the what being lost feels like. I read a wonderful blog on this a few days ago, that I would highly recommend. It is something that I know I will reference again and again for encouragement in the desert times in my life. I very much wish I had read something like this before.
As I am enjoying this time of blessing, I have to remind myself to seek God first and let that be my focus, because I am already looking for the next big blessings! However, I am not naieve enough to believe I will not end up in the desert again.
I get to hang out with teenagers and enjoy with them, this stage of their life. I am now the one they listen to. I hope to be the one they will come to. And I have the church backing me on this! The pastors, God and I are in charged of the spiritual development of young people. I work with the best! Part of the blessing is being mentored by the pastors. We are already quite a team! Many others in ministry want to help and have offered to mentor me in this new place in life. So many people are excited with me and so ready to share resources, experience and knowledge. To top it off, I have a great group of adult youth coaches, who show up and invest in the lives of the youth.
One of the best parts about this new place in life I am in, is that I now have practically unlimited access to this lovely prayer chapel. It is a medium sized room with pews practically stacked to fit about 75 people. I can hardly enter the doorway with out first feeling the need to take off my shoes. It is holy ground, and makes me think of the faith of all the people who have before me, darkened the door of this holy place. After my shoes are off, I usually then notice the flood of eminence peace wash over me. Most days it fills my spirit and satisfies my soul.
Once inside, I will often walk a few steps to the altar and kneel down on the kneeler which has been used for the last 100 years, and talk to God. I pray til my knees hurt, which doesn't take long since the kneeler is made of hard wood without a cushion. Not comfortable, but nether was Christ as he carried my sin. I then will sing praises as they come to mind, or flip through a hymnal and sing the songs I know. The acoustics are amazing in that space, and I like to think that no one can hear me excpedt God. No one has complained yet. :) I have learned not to go into that place without pen and paper, for it is often in the quiet in the chapel that a great idea for a talk will come to mind. Sometimes that is the very reason I wonder in their to begin with.
The blessings have been great in this new season of life thus far, but God has also stretched me quite a bit and I haven't forgotten to give it all back to him. I am not so far out of the woods yet to forget the what being lost feels like. I read a wonderful blog on this a few days ago, that I would highly recommend. It is something that I know I will reference again and again for encouragement in the desert times in my life. I very much wish I had read something like this before.
As I am enjoying this time of blessing, I have to remind myself to seek God first and let that be my focus, because I am already looking for the next big blessings! However, I am not naieve enough to believe I will not end up in the desert again.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Peace
I'm sitting in a quiet room in a comfortable chair. The fire is softly crackling in the fireplace as I sip a cup of ginger spice tea. I am getting the hang of my new work schedule and this is the end of the work week for me. I almost feel as though I am breathing in God's goodness.
I invited the Bishop to come talk to my youth last night at youth group. It was the last opportunity because he is leaving Indiana to head back to Kenya on Tuesday. I will miss the coffee and conversation we have shared in the last two months. I'll really miss not having him around to call when I need prayer or godly advise. Email from across the world is just not the same.
Last night after I did my thing, I showed a short slideshow with some of our Kenya pictures. Then I turned it over to the Bishop who talked to the youth about growing up in a hut in the bush of Kenya, and not wearing shoes til age 17. Some of the kids really connected with his stories.
The fire is dying down now, and my tea is not so hot and just about gone. That is the way life goes, but I just want nothing more than continue to walk rightly and for the blessings to continue.
As I consider where God has taken me and where I am right now, I have been blessed beyond my imagination, for the second time in my life. And in the beginning, I was so unsure that this was where God wanted me. But the voice of my dear friend kept ringing in my memory. "Be the change that you want to see," has made all the difference. I have a greater purpose now. A personal ministry to spread the word about the needs of the orphans in this world. I have a found my calling and a very satisfying ministry with a paycheck. These things I prayed for but was told they may not ever happen for me. And now, I cannot think of a way that this new season could be better, though perhaps God will surprise me again.
I struggled and I suffered for years. Life was tough, but God has grown and stretched me in ways that I am only beginning to realize. It has made all the difference. I believe my God can do the things he says he can. I believe life can be hard, but God is still there. I have peace.
I invited the Bishop to come talk to my youth last night at youth group. It was the last opportunity because he is leaving Indiana to head back to Kenya on Tuesday. I will miss the coffee and conversation we have shared in the last two months. I'll really miss not having him around to call when I need prayer or godly advise. Email from across the world is just not the same.
Last night after I did my thing, I showed a short slideshow with some of our Kenya pictures. Then I turned it over to the Bishop who talked to the youth about growing up in a hut in the bush of Kenya, and not wearing shoes til age 17. Some of the kids really connected with his stories.
The fire is dying down now, and my tea is not so hot and just about gone. That is the way life goes, but I just want nothing more than continue to walk rightly and for the blessings to continue.
As I consider where God has taken me and where I am right now, I have been blessed beyond my imagination, for the second time in my life. And in the beginning, I was so unsure that this was where God wanted me. But the voice of my dear friend kept ringing in my memory. "Be the change that you want to see," has made all the difference. I have a greater purpose now. A personal ministry to spread the word about the needs of the orphans in this world. I have a found my calling and a very satisfying ministry with a paycheck. These things I prayed for but was told they may not ever happen for me. And now, I cannot think of a way that this new season could be better, though perhaps God will surprise me again.
I struggled and I suffered for years. Life was tough, but God has grown and stretched me in ways that I am only beginning to realize. It has made all the difference. I believe my God can do the things he says he can. I believe life can be hard, but God is still there. I have peace.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I have just about finished the first of a very full week in my new schedule. I love it! Busy is not bad. I have another thing or two to check off my "list" and that feels great. I am further amazed at how God showed up this week, out of the blue, in both expected and unexpected moments.
This desire, the deep and nagging one has somehow found rest within me. My soul is at rest after being happily satisfied (though not yet with what I requested). I'm not really sure what I want anymore for myself other than to be in God's will. That is enough. Maybe more than enough. And now I have this audience that has become my responsibility to teach. It is a huge responsibility, and one I would never even attempt if God wasn't on my side. But I know if I am open, he will fill in where I am lacking. I am believing he will show up.
I'm on a spiritual high right now, and I just want to enjoy it. I have been failed and broken by a few who should have had my back. I realize just how deep the wounds were now that I am being mentored by some amazing godly people who are spiritually mature enough to be above the dysfunction I once faced in a few relationships that looked good from the outside, but made me feel insignificant and unworthy no matter what I did. The best news is that God is on my side, and has pulled me from the mud and mire. I continue to "pray always and never lose heart" (Luke 18:1) for those who have not done right by me, and I pray that I will not cause pain.
I serve a loving God. His blessings are enormous to those who follow his ways. I have learned a great lesson in the last few weeks. To Believe in God and to Believe God are different things. Pray often, as though you are expecting God to move. Believe and he will answer you. He has been speaking to me a lot lately and blessing me like crazy. He is taking care of needs I have long ago prayed for. I am very honored and humbled that He would use someone like me.
This desire, the deep and nagging one has somehow found rest within me. My soul is at rest after being happily satisfied (though not yet with what I requested). I'm not really sure what I want anymore for myself other than to be in God's will. That is enough. Maybe more than enough. And now I have this audience that has become my responsibility to teach. It is a huge responsibility, and one I would never even attempt if God wasn't on my side. But I know if I am open, he will fill in where I am lacking. I am believing he will show up.
I'm on a spiritual high right now, and I just want to enjoy it. I have been failed and broken by a few who should have had my back. I realize just how deep the wounds were now that I am being mentored by some amazing godly people who are spiritually mature enough to be above the dysfunction I once faced in a few relationships that looked good from the outside, but made me feel insignificant and unworthy no matter what I did. The best news is that God is on my side, and has pulled me from the mud and mire. I continue to "pray always and never lose heart" (Luke 18:1) for those who have not done right by me, and I pray that I will not cause pain.
I serve a loving God. His blessings are enormous to those who follow his ways. I have learned a great lesson in the last few weeks. To Believe in God and to Believe God are different things. Pray often, as though you are expecting God to move. Believe and he will answer you. He has been speaking to me a lot lately and blessing me like crazy. He is taking care of needs I have long ago prayed for. I am very honored and humbled that He would use someone like me.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Butterflies and Faith
If I have learned anything in the last year and a half, it is to learn to be content in my present situation. I do mean learn to be content, because a new process is required almost every time around. I discovered the hard way that Christ wants and even requires us to lay down our desires and the things we want. He wants us to surrender the control we have over our life and the things we hope for. He does want to bless with the desires of our hearts, but in his time and in his will. And learning surrender is the only way I have found to endure a time of hardship and waiting. But once we know it well, it is much easier to understand when he is calling us to surrender.
Butterflies are so beautiful to watch, and I love what they represent. New birth is created from something that was already alive. If we watch a butterfly from a distance, we can all enjoy its beauty. When that butterfly comes our way, we have two choices; we can ether catch that butterfly, and hold on to it as the dust and shimmer comes off its delicate wings and we can crush it if held it too tightly, or we can enjoy it and let it go, leaving it to move on or come back to us.
Think of Abraham and Isaac beginning with Genesis 15. God had promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. As they waited on God, Sarah, his wife grew tired of waiting and gave her servant to her husband to marry and Ishmael was born. Abraham had a son, but that was not God's plan. No, he truly intended for Sarah to be the matriarch of many nations. So finally after Sarah is much too old to have a child, God blessed them with a miracle, and Isaac is born. They rejoice, but when Isaac is a boy, God again wants to test his servant Abraham's faith, tells him to sacrifice his son. The one God had promised him. And we don't hear Abraham questioning God like Job did. He doesn't say "not me" like Moses did. He just did what he was called to, and by doing so, showed his faithfulness and God showed him grace by providing a sacrifice (after Isaac was tied up and on the alter).
God wants to bless us but first he wants to know he can trust us with what he is going to give us. The hard times hurt so much, but it is then that we grow and become more of what God wants us to become. We are also then more prepared for what may come next. When God sees that we can handle some responsibility, he gives us a greater one the next time.
Notice how Abraham is not confused or in despair as though he doesn't know what to do. He knows God well enough to recognize his voice and his clear command. Confusion is never from God, but from the enemy. Our confusion is often because something is in the way preventing us from being close to God. When we learn to surrender then God sees our our heart. He sees that we are not depending on our own capacity, but allowing God to work his will in us. When God speaks, he often gives us peace in knowing his will one way or another. It is a feeling of settled calm in knowing a choice is right.
Thanks to Bishop Lawrence and Beth Moore (and her Bible Study Believing God) I am learning a whole lot right now about faith and trusting God. As the Bishop will often say to me, "Laura, I have faith for that" or "I am believing God for that." Both are great teachers, the Bishop through talking and emails, and Beth Moore, though her Bible studies and her teaching videos. I am being stretched and pulled to believe more and "asked to" have more faith. So I am believing, and God has been showing up! When I declare I believe God will come through, he has. And sometimes, things are better than I would have planned. I am really excited to have realized all these things in this new season of life. I think things are about to move fast and I believe that some really great things are on the way.
Butterflies are so beautiful to watch, and I love what they represent. New birth is created from something that was already alive. If we watch a butterfly from a distance, we can all enjoy its beauty. When that butterfly comes our way, we have two choices; we can ether catch that butterfly, and hold on to it as the dust and shimmer comes off its delicate wings and we can crush it if held it too tightly, or we can enjoy it and let it go, leaving it to move on or come back to us.
Think of Abraham and Isaac beginning with Genesis 15. God had promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. As they waited on God, Sarah, his wife grew tired of waiting and gave her servant to her husband to marry and Ishmael was born. Abraham had a son, but that was not God's plan. No, he truly intended for Sarah to be the matriarch of many nations. So finally after Sarah is much too old to have a child, God blessed them with a miracle, and Isaac is born. They rejoice, but when Isaac is a boy, God again wants to test his servant Abraham's faith, tells him to sacrifice his son. The one God had promised him. And we don't hear Abraham questioning God like Job did. He doesn't say "not me" like Moses did. He just did what he was called to, and by doing so, showed his faithfulness and God showed him grace by providing a sacrifice (after Isaac was tied up and on the alter).
God wants to bless us but first he wants to know he can trust us with what he is going to give us. The hard times hurt so much, but it is then that we grow and become more of what God wants us to become. We are also then more prepared for what may come next. When God sees that we can handle some responsibility, he gives us a greater one the next time.
Notice how Abraham is not confused or in despair as though he doesn't know what to do. He knows God well enough to recognize his voice and his clear command. Confusion is never from God, but from the enemy. Our confusion is often because something is in the way preventing us from being close to God. When we learn to surrender then God sees our our heart. He sees that we are not depending on our own capacity, but allowing God to work his will in us. When God speaks, he often gives us peace in knowing his will one way or another. It is a feeling of settled calm in knowing a choice is right.
Thanks to Bishop Lawrence and Beth Moore (and her Bible Study Believing God) I am learning a whole lot right now about faith and trusting God. As the Bishop will often say to me, "Laura, I have faith for that" or "I am believing God for that." Both are great teachers, the Bishop through talking and emails, and Beth Moore, though her Bible studies and her teaching videos. I am being stretched and pulled to believe more and "asked to" have more faith. So I am believing, and God has been showing up! When I declare I believe God will come through, he has. And sometimes, things are better than I would have planned. I am really excited to have realized all these things in this new season of life. I think things are about to move fast and I believe that some really great things are on the way.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Seads Planted
God is faithful. Always. He is good, even during hard and bad times. I am witnessing a great time of fruit being harvested from some seeds planted long ago. It is really amazing to watch, and even experience for myself. Prayers long forgotten are being answered for my friends. God is moving in great ways right now, and it really is amazing.
I began a Beth Moore Bible study last week, and I am so excited for it! I got the homework for the day done yesterday, and I wanted to do the next day. I am learning so much, and the content goes nicely with another book I am reading. Only my God...
I am being recognized as a leader in the community and in the Church. I have been asked to commit to help build a long term relationship with the ministry in Kenya I worked with this summer. "Laura can lead," I was told one morning when I showed up for the first day of a Bible Study. The group was too big and they wanted to divide it. I came to get fed, I thought to myself, but sure. Someone else stepped up, and I just get to be a participant now. My leader is one of my favorite of the retired ladies at my church. I'm super excited for this study!
Friends I have prayed for and with for years are turning their lives around. Much has happened in even the last month. I am reading this very intellectual book, called Hearing God by Peter Lord. He is a little long winded for me, but a friend picked it up off a bargain table and I have learned so much from reading it. And I have grown in my faith and understanding of my relationship with Jesus. It has been so wonderful! Knowledge truly is power.
I am so thankful to be able to see God's hand moving in my life and the lives of those I love. I have so many connections in my community, and a more clearly defined plan for my life and my mission. God sure is blessing me with everything I need. How could I ask for more?
I still fall down, and it still hurts some days, but I moving forward, and I'm making positive changes for the future and to increase the impact on my community and my world. God is good!
I began a Beth Moore Bible study last week, and I am so excited for it! I got the homework for the day done yesterday, and I wanted to do the next day. I am learning so much, and the content goes nicely with another book I am reading. Only my God...
I am being recognized as a leader in the community and in the Church. I have been asked to commit to help build a long term relationship with the ministry in Kenya I worked with this summer. "Laura can lead," I was told one morning when I showed up for the first day of a Bible Study. The group was too big and they wanted to divide it. I came to get fed, I thought to myself, but sure. Someone else stepped up, and I just get to be a participant now. My leader is one of my favorite of the retired ladies at my church. I'm super excited for this study!
Friends I have prayed for and with for years are turning their lives around. Much has happened in even the last month. I am reading this very intellectual book, called Hearing God by Peter Lord. He is a little long winded for me, but a friend picked it up off a bargain table and I have learned so much from reading it. And I have grown in my faith and understanding of my relationship with Jesus. It has been so wonderful! Knowledge truly is power.
I am so thankful to be able to see God's hand moving in my life and the lives of those I love. I have so many connections in my community, and a more clearly defined plan for my life and my mission. God sure is blessing me with everything I need. How could I ask for more?
I still fall down, and it still hurts some days, but I moving forward, and I'm making positive changes for the future and to increase the impact on my community and my world. God is good!
Monday, September 27, 2010
God and His Children
God's children, the ones who do not have someone to call "mom" and "dad" have really been on my heart and in my head lately. After all, the Bible calls us all orphans, and we are adopted by our heavenly father. However the ones who are waiting to find out what it means to be loved and accepted are never far from my mind.
I feel like I have lived in a season of waiting for a few years! I think that's why I finally did adopt (no pun intended) the verse in Habakkuk, because I have learned that God is not as much concerned with making us wait, as he is with what you do while waiting. God promises that if we seek him, we will not be stuck forever. Things will get better, but we must endure what is in front of us and learn from the pain that often comes.
I could fill pages in my journal if it was in front of me right now. It would be pages of what is happening and how I feel like God is smiling on me. I am happy, and coming out of the valley I thought I may just have to live in. These little things are beginning to happen that give me hope. I know my prayers are being answered and God is moving. It really is a great thing. I love it when God moves quickly and things happen so fast you don't have much time to digest, but you have to trust God and go. Then other times when things happen slowly, and the negative leaves great scars with more than enough time to pick at them. It's just hard.
God is always answering prayers. I know he is more concerned with the state of the heart then the end result, as we tend to be. I'm receiving these blessing lately that blow me away! I feel like a kid at Christmas, but they come a little here and a little there. Spread out nicely. And this vision I have for how I would like things to change seems to be working out! Perhaps (should I even begin to hope) it is what God wants too. I have attempted most days to surrender EVRRYTHING and have asked God to break my heart with the things that break his. These little pieces I need to get to the big picture for my future are happening! I'm being blessed. The best part is that these little pieces are helping me help those in need. God is using me to connect people and help meet the needs of others, in my own state and in Africa. I'll fill the journal I began a week ago before long with all that God is doing, I'm sure!
I feel like I have lived in a season of waiting for a few years! I think that's why I finally did adopt (no pun intended) the verse in Habakkuk, because I have learned that God is not as much concerned with making us wait, as he is with what you do while waiting. God promises that if we seek him, we will not be stuck forever. Things will get better, but we must endure what is in front of us and learn from the pain that often comes.
I could fill pages in my journal if it was in front of me right now. It would be pages of what is happening and how I feel like God is smiling on me. I am happy, and coming out of the valley I thought I may just have to live in. These little things are beginning to happen that give me hope. I know my prayers are being answered and God is moving. It really is a great thing. I love it when God moves quickly and things happen so fast you don't have much time to digest, but you have to trust God and go. Then other times when things happen slowly, and the negative leaves great scars with more than enough time to pick at them. It's just hard.
God is always answering prayers. I know he is more concerned with the state of the heart then the end result, as we tend to be. I'm receiving these blessing lately that blow me away! I feel like a kid at Christmas, but they come a little here and a little there. Spread out nicely. And this vision I have for how I would like things to change seems to be working out! Perhaps (should I even begin to hope) it is what God wants too. I have attempted most days to surrender EVRRYTHING and have asked God to break my heart with the things that break his. These little pieces I need to get to the big picture for my future are happening! I'm being blessed. The best part is that these little pieces are helping me help those in need. God is using me to connect people and help meet the needs of others, in my own state and in Africa. I'll fill the journal I began a week ago before long with all that God is doing, I'm sure!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Logic?
Through another blog, I was directed to this post. Read it, and then consider the orphan. Consider how we are adopted by our creator. There is a great need in the world, and God wants all of his children to be a part of the solution. What can you do?
Church this morning was all about getting off the pew and serving God in the world, rather than depending on "others" to do the work. After church, I was at the grocery store with my mom and foster baby sister when we ran into one of my mom's friends (from church). She mentioned that two of her three kids were out of the house now at college, and it was so quiet and lonely only having one at home. Then she noticed the baby and said that she heard we were doing the foster thing. She went on to say that she read in the paper this morning that the Heart Gallery, a photo exhibit of children who need a permanent home, is in town. She then said it was so sad so many children in our state need homes and said she wished there was something she could do about it. She and her husband are good parents who now have a lot more space at their big beautiful house, and time on their hands these days. She totally missed the point.
My heart strings are stired often these days when I hear of children in need. I'm not a "bleeding heart mother." I'm not even a mother, but I have had enough of children suffering when we have more than we need. God blesses us so we can bless others. I started reading Reckless Faith, by Beth Guckenberger, who writes of her time serving orphans in Mexico with her husband and family. I picked it up because it had a cute little girl on the cover, mentioned something about orphans and was on sale for 5 bucks. It's sucked me in and reminded me that I'm not satisfied with my life. I can do more.
For very little money, children from our country can be adopted. The Heart Gallery of America Shows children in each state, waiting to have a place to live and someone to call a parent. These kids are on my heart. I pray for them, and about what I can do to help more. One such child, I already call my little sister, but I will do whatever else I can to get the word out. I remember Katie, a teenager whom I felt drawn to a year ago when I was looking on the Heart Gallery. I'll do my part to change my world. And one day, hopefully not so far off, I'll adopt a few of these kids.
Church this morning was all about getting off the pew and serving God in the world, rather than depending on "others" to do the work. After church, I was at the grocery store with my mom and foster baby sister when we ran into one of my mom's friends (from church). She mentioned that two of her three kids were out of the house now at college, and it was so quiet and lonely only having one at home. Then she noticed the baby and said that she heard we were doing the foster thing. She went on to say that she read in the paper this morning that the Heart Gallery, a photo exhibit of children who need a permanent home, is in town. She then said it was so sad so many children in our state need homes and said she wished there was something she could do about it. She and her husband are good parents who now have a lot more space at their big beautiful house, and time on their hands these days. She totally missed the point.
My heart strings are stired often these days when I hear of children in need. I'm not a "bleeding heart mother." I'm not even a mother, but I have had enough of children suffering when we have more than we need. God blesses us so we can bless others. I started reading Reckless Faith, by Beth Guckenberger, who writes of her time serving orphans in Mexico with her husband and family. I picked it up because it had a cute little girl on the cover, mentioned something about orphans and was on sale for 5 bucks. It's sucked me in and reminded me that I'm not satisfied with my life. I can do more.
For very little money, children from our country can be adopted. The Heart Gallery of America Shows children in each state, waiting to have a place to live and someone to call a parent. These kids are on my heart. I pray for them, and about what I can do to help more. One such child, I already call my little sister, but I will do whatever else I can to get the word out. I remember Katie, a teenager whom I felt drawn to a year ago when I was looking on the Heart Gallery. I'll do my part to change my world. And one day, hopefully not so far off, I'll adopt a few of these kids.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Joy
I think I'm happy. I don't remember the last time I was, but I know it's been awhile because the feeling was so strangely and vaguely familiar, it took me a few moments to recognize it. But I think that's what it is. I was driving home from a very full day when it hit me.
Sunday I was up and out by 8:30am, driving to Monson Community UMC, where our Kenyan mission team was aging to share a little before the Bishop preached. It is also the church that my best friend's father is the pastor of. I hadn't been there in years. It was a good morning, and Pastor Tim is totally being used by God in that appointment. It was the best small church experience I have had yet. The Bishop preached a very powerful sermon on the power of our tongue. If we speak carelessly, the enemy can use our words against us. We must be careful what we say, and not to speak ill into existence. We need to speak truth and avoid negative talk. It makes me think of how my friend used to pray for a "hard life." At the time I was like, "what are you thinking!" Life is hard enough without asking for trouble. He has had a really hard time the last two years, and although God has grown him a lot, I doubt he will ever pray for that again. I feel like he was inviting the enemy in and asking him to mess things up. What he thought he was asking was to have meaning in life, and not to just sail along. Yikes! Words are very powerful! Only God can renew and restore the mess that came my friends way. And He is.
The Bishop went on to say, "If God would give his only son for us, he will not withhold from us." He encouraged us to speak positively, and "see things through the eyes of God." He continued with a challenge when he added, "You will never live a positive life with a negative mind." He challenged us to weigh our thoughts before speaking them and encouraged us to be quiet, saying that it is not expensive to keep your mouth closed. Do not even breathe negative thoughts, or the enemy will use it against you. He concluded the sermon by saying, "Valleys will come, but they are not our destiny." Thank You Bishop Owino!
I think it may have been when he mentioned that valleys are not God's destiny for us, that I realized that I am starting to crawl out of the valley I have lived in for the last year and a half. It was a great morning service and maybe that was when the joy started to return.
Following the second service, we, the Kenya team, plus Karen and her family went out to eat. I had a really great time, and I stayed there hours chatting with a few after most of the people left. Then, I drove over to my best friend Jessi's house for a party. We ate cheese, drank wine, looked at candles and laughed a lot! After the party broke up, another friend and I stayed at Jessi's and talked til almost midnight. It was after dropping my friend off at her house, and heading home myself that I realized I was happy. I had a good day among so many average days at best.
Last week, God really answered some prayers. He gave me a "yes, but not right now" kind of answer, but I am thankful for that. At least he is speaking to me. And by now, I know how to wait. He tells me he has the best for me, and I'll only receive it in the fullest form if I trust and obey him. And I have some things in the works for the future too. I'm praying about a lot right now, and have a lot of hope. God is moving in my life, and I am welcoming any intervening he would like to do. I totally trust him... With everything.
I am speaking blessings over this week, and this month and this year, and I'm expecting them! "But we are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently." Romans 8:25
This is a good week. I can already tell. :)
Laura
Sunday I was up and out by 8:30am, driving to Monson Community UMC, where our Kenyan mission team was aging to share a little before the Bishop preached. It is also the church that my best friend's father is the pastor of. I hadn't been there in years. It was a good morning, and Pastor Tim is totally being used by God in that appointment. It was the best small church experience I have had yet. The Bishop preached a very powerful sermon on the power of our tongue. If we speak carelessly, the enemy can use our words against us. We must be careful what we say, and not to speak ill into existence. We need to speak truth and avoid negative talk. It makes me think of how my friend used to pray for a "hard life." At the time I was like, "what are you thinking!" Life is hard enough without asking for trouble. He has had a really hard time the last two years, and although God has grown him a lot, I doubt he will ever pray for that again. I feel like he was inviting the enemy in and asking him to mess things up. What he thought he was asking was to have meaning in life, and not to just sail along. Yikes! Words are very powerful! Only God can renew and restore the mess that came my friends way. And He is.
The Bishop went on to say, "If God would give his only son for us, he will not withhold from us." He encouraged us to speak positively, and "see things through the eyes of God." He continued with a challenge when he added, "You will never live a positive life with a negative mind." He challenged us to weigh our thoughts before speaking them and encouraged us to be quiet, saying that it is not expensive to keep your mouth closed. Do not even breathe negative thoughts, or the enemy will use it against you. He concluded the sermon by saying, "Valleys will come, but they are not our destiny." Thank You Bishop Owino!
I think it may have been when he mentioned that valleys are not God's destiny for us, that I realized that I am starting to crawl out of the valley I have lived in for the last year and a half. It was a great morning service and maybe that was when the joy started to return.
Following the second service, we, the Kenya team, plus Karen and her family went out to eat. I had a really great time, and I stayed there hours chatting with a few after most of the people left. Then, I drove over to my best friend Jessi's house for a party. We ate cheese, drank wine, looked at candles and laughed a lot! After the party broke up, another friend and I stayed at Jessi's and talked til almost midnight. It was after dropping my friend off at her house, and heading home myself that I realized I was happy. I had a good day among so many average days at best.
Last week, God really answered some prayers. He gave me a "yes, but not right now" kind of answer, but I am thankful for that. At least he is speaking to me. And by now, I know how to wait. He tells me he has the best for me, and I'll only receive it in the fullest form if I trust and obey him. And I have some things in the works for the future too. I'm praying about a lot right now, and have a lot of hope. God is moving in my life, and I am welcoming any intervening he would like to do. I totally trust him... With everything.
I am speaking blessings over this week, and this month and this year, and I'm expecting them! "But we are hoping for something we do not have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently." Romans 8:25
This is a good week. I can already tell. :)
Laura
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Creating and Baking
Though I still have yet to find a job, I never seem to have any trouble filling my time. My sister is amazed at how I fill my days and she is still adjusting to working full-time at the job she has had a few years and being a new wife. The Bishop who has been in town from Kenya, told one of my friends, that I should just get married. If only it were that easy! To that I'm sure he would say "I'm trusting God for a husband for you, Laura." I often enjoy being domestic and though it was something I have hardly considered, I think I could enjoy being a stay-at-home wife. This comes after spending a weekend with my brother and sister-in-law, who told me about their friend who is a stay-at-home wife. After getting over the 1950's stigma, it think it could be fun.
Yesterday morning I got up and went for a run. I talk with God as I run and it keeps me going strong. I have been exercising more and it really helps me sleep. I dream most nights these days too, (without meds) which is a big deal for me. When I got back I got on the computer, checked email and checked on jobs. After a shower, I finished the last few chapters of a book, then returned it and 4 others that I read back to the Library. I then ran to the store to get my brother a birthday present (a digital camera that was on clearance) and was back to make chocolate chip cookies and wrap a few birthday gifts before my brothers got off the bus. Then I helped with the kids until we went out to celebrate Ethan's 10th birthday with my family at the Olive Garden.
Today I felt really domestic. I got up before my alarm and spent some time reading my devotions and the Bible, sipping tea. I watched the baby in the morning and boy was she busy! Little "Mia Maria," as my mom has been calling her, is one of the busiest babies I have ever watched, (which has got to include about 1000 babies by now) and we think she may have ADHD. It's quite probable since we have been told her birth mother may have used drugs during pregnancy. Anyway, while she was napping, I searched for jobs, emailed a contact, made my sisters husband a mocha mouse birthday cake that my sister picked up after work, and made a Ball Baby Overall, Mei Tai baby carrier for Mimi. She didn't sleep that long, but she did through most of my productiveness. I have read that babywearing is a really good way for adopted/foster babies to bond, so I thought I would attempt to make one for my mom to use with Mimi, to keep her safe and my mom (or I) can get more done without the "help" of a very busy 21 month old.
I was working on the carrier and the cake at the same time. They both turned out well. I was told the cake tasted great too. :) The baby carrier looks really nice.
It was kind of a simple pattern, which I found online for free, but I was hesitant to make it since I have never made anything like it before. I started warming up to it a few weeks ago by sewing some baby bibs for Mimi, using an old bib my Grandma made for my little brother 22 years ago, as a pattern. Anyway, after I finished the baby carrier, I went online to see how to wear it. There are many ways to tie a Mei Tai, and they say it is one of the most comfortable, versatile carriers. The Asian inspired carrier is a basic square with four very long straps on the corners, which can be used from birth to age 3 or 4. I didn't realize any of this til I already made it and I discovered the same Ball Baby Overall I had just made sells online for 90 to 100 dollars! I shopped around for the fabric, because I needed to use thick, cotton home deco fabric, but I ended up spending about 13 dollars on cute paisley fabric with brown towns, pink, yellow and green and the thread at Walmart. I could have spent around 30 on the fabric, but I can't imagine any more or their would be no point to making it myself! It did take a few hours to sew, but I was amazed at how much money I saved by doing it myself. Now I really do sound like a stay-at-home wife/mother! So when my friends have babies, baby carriers and bibs may become the gift!
These are the things keeping me busy lately. Since I don't have money coming in, I can't shop or go out for coffee often like I usually would with my extra time, so this unemployed period is awakening my creativeness with a sewing machine and with baking. I have also been reading a whole lot more, and really am thrusting for more literature. Just because I'm not in school anymore does not mean I am going to stop learning. I'm enjoying this cooler weather and am so happy it's apple season! I made a HUGE pot of some amazing applesauce and an apple pie the other night with 2 dollars worth of drop apples from a local farmer. That was 2 dollars well spent! There is little better than eating farm fresh crunchy apples in the fall while reading a book.
I'm starting to sound like I belong in a Little House on the Prairie book, so maybe I should stop. But I am trying to make the best of this time in my life. God is really talking to me lately, and though I am not where I would like to be, he keeps asking me to trust him. He is answering some of my big questions and making me think twice about where I think want to go next. I would like it to be elsewhere, but I think my ministry for the moment is to my family. I know I need to be here now. So I am making the most of it, and my family has been enjoying some tasty creations. I am able to live rent free, and my parents get help with the younger 4 kids. I guess that's what you call family. And thanks to the Internet, I have not only learned to sew baby carriers, but learned to sew hair flowers, and made one to match the orange in my brown and orange African dress, which I will wear this Sunday to speak at another church about Kenya. Creativity is seeping out of me.
Life is not so bad. I think my joy is beginning to return. That makes me happy.
Laura
Yesterday morning I got up and went for a run. I talk with God as I run and it keeps me going strong. I have been exercising more and it really helps me sleep. I dream most nights these days too, (without meds) which is a big deal for me. When I got back I got on the computer, checked email and checked on jobs. After a shower, I finished the last few chapters of a book, then returned it and 4 others that I read back to the Library. I then ran to the store to get my brother a birthday present (a digital camera that was on clearance) and was back to make chocolate chip cookies and wrap a few birthday gifts before my brothers got off the bus. Then I helped with the kids until we went out to celebrate Ethan's 10th birthday with my family at the Olive Garden.
Today I felt really domestic. I got up before my alarm and spent some time reading my devotions and the Bible, sipping tea. I watched the baby in the morning and boy was she busy! Little "Mia Maria," as my mom has been calling her, is one of the busiest babies I have ever watched, (which has got to include about 1000 babies by now) and we think she may have ADHD. It's quite probable since we have been told her birth mother may have used drugs during pregnancy. Anyway, while she was napping, I searched for jobs, emailed a contact, made my sisters husband a mocha mouse birthday cake that my sister picked up after work, and made a Ball Baby Overall, Mei Tai baby carrier for Mimi. She didn't sleep that long, but she did through most of my productiveness. I have read that babywearing is a really good way for adopted/foster babies to bond, so I thought I would attempt to make one for my mom to use with Mimi, to keep her safe and my mom (or I) can get more done without the "help" of a very busy 21 month old.
I was working on the carrier and the cake at the same time. They both turned out well. I was told the cake tasted great too. :) The baby carrier looks really nice.
It was kind of a simple pattern, which I found online for free, but I was hesitant to make it since I have never made anything like it before. I started warming up to it a few weeks ago by sewing some baby bibs for Mimi, using an old bib my Grandma made for my little brother 22 years ago, as a pattern. Anyway, after I finished the baby carrier, I went online to see how to wear it. There are many ways to tie a Mei Tai, and they say it is one of the most comfortable, versatile carriers. The Asian inspired carrier is a basic square with four very long straps on the corners, which can be used from birth to age 3 or 4. I didn't realize any of this til I already made it and I discovered the same Ball Baby Overall I had just made sells online for 90 to 100 dollars! I shopped around for the fabric, because I needed to use thick, cotton home deco fabric, but I ended up spending about 13 dollars on cute paisley fabric with brown towns, pink, yellow and green and the thread at Walmart. I could have spent around 30 on the fabric, but I can't imagine any more or their would be no point to making it myself! It did take a few hours to sew, but I was amazed at how much money I saved by doing it myself. Now I really do sound like a stay-at-home wife/mother! So when my friends have babies, baby carriers and bibs may become the gift!
These are the things keeping me busy lately. Since I don't have money coming in, I can't shop or go out for coffee often like I usually would with my extra time, so this unemployed period is awakening my creativeness with a sewing machine and with baking. I have also been reading a whole lot more, and really am thrusting for more literature. Just because I'm not in school anymore does not mean I am going to stop learning. I'm enjoying this cooler weather and am so happy it's apple season! I made a HUGE pot of some amazing applesauce and an apple pie the other night with 2 dollars worth of drop apples from a local farmer. That was 2 dollars well spent! There is little better than eating farm fresh crunchy apples in the fall while reading a book.
I'm starting to sound like I belong in a Little House on the Prairie book, so maybe I should stop. But I am trying to make the best of this time in my life. God is really talking to me lately, and though I am not where I would like to be, he keeps asking me to trust him. He is answering some of my big questions and making me think twice about where I think want to go next. I would like it to be elsewhere, but I think my ministry for the moment is to my family. I know I need to be here now. So I am making the most of it, and my family has been enjoying some tasty creations. I am able to live rent free, and my parents get help with the younger 4 kids. I guess that's what you call family. And thanks to the Internet, I have not only learned to sew baby carriers, but learned to sew hair flowers, and made one to match the orange in my brown and orange African dress, which I will wear this Sunday to speak at another church about Kenya. Creativity is seeping out of me.
Life is not so bad. I think my joy is beginning to return. That makes me happy.
Laura
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
What is a "Career"?
I am so ready to begin a new career. I'm just about broke, and I really want that first "real" job. Since graduating in December, I have had a wonderful time enjoying life and serving with friends, and really being free for God to use me. He sure did, and the fact that I was more or less unemployed allowed me the freedom to say yes to his calling in many different directions over a few months. The joyful journey was also filled with some pain, and closed doors, but I could see it all coming together in the way God wanted it to. And at the end, I got to go to Kenya for a month! Talk about cool. So after all that excitement, I am ready for the next great plan, and I do believe it involves a paying job.
I'm a month into this job search and my frustration lies in the fact that so few people are hiring in my area, and the few jobs that I am actually qualified for, so are many (many) others are as well. Maybe I should be looking in another state, but I would rather not for now. So my search continues, and I am trying to be more creative with my search strategies.
So all that thinking about change and what to expect makes me think of the man I pray for. The one I thought I would be married to by now. When I was much younger, I described him down to the color of his hair. My how I have changed since then. I am not so concerned with how he looks beyond tall, moderately attractive, even features. Personality and godliness is so much more important. I trust God with this whole deal, because some days I'm not even sure what I want. But I do know I want a man who is there even what I don't ask him to be. I think that is how you know it's love.
Back to the job search.
Laura
I'm a month into this job search and my frustration lies in the fact that so few people are hiring in my area, and the few jobs that I am actually qualified for, so are many (many) others are as well. Maybe I should be looking in another state, but I would rather not for now. So my search continues, and I am trying to be more creative with my search strategies.
So all that thinking about change and what to expect makes me think of the man I pray for. The one I thought I would be married to by now. When I was much younger, I described him down to the color of his hair. My how I have changed since then. I am not so concerned with how he looks beyond tall, moderately attractive, even features. Personality and godliness is so much more important. I trust God with this whole deal, because some days I'm not even sure what I want. But I do know I want a man who is there even what I don't ask him to be. I think that is how you know it's love.
Back to the job search.
Laura
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Scary movies and Tea
I just got home after watching a movie with friends. I scavenged the house to find something chocolate, sweet or satisfying. Sadly, the freezer did not contain ice cream, the cookies I made Sunday are gone and so are the brownies I made Monday. All I came up with was a cup of tea. The water is heating now.
We watched Shutter Island, and it was not want I expected. Suspense movies are as scary as I'll watch, and I only will watch them because someone else wants to. Kinda the way I feel about roller coasters. I don't invite fear into my life. Maybe that's why I want that cup of tea. But the movie was not as scary as it was a psychological thriller. We (or I guess I should say, the others) guessed the ending before the movie was over, and that helps lesson the fear factor. It was a good movie though. It still has me thinking about reality.
The starts are out tonight, after storms all afternoon. The lightning and thunder came well before the storm. It was beautiful. The storms came on and off until dark. Now, everything is still and the humidity is way down. I would love to spend some time outside now, if it weren't for the bugs, pondering my reality.
Happiness was holding little Juliette, and laughing with her as she sang little songs with attitude.
I am but one little person in this giant world, born with rights, as any child born in this country is. Upon birth, a US citizen has more than most people in the world. If I were to adopt a child as a single mother, I wonder if that child would be better off to be raised by a single parent in the US. The answer has to be yes, but again, I am just one person, not a set of parents, which I believe children should have, yet I know I could make an eternal difference as a parent. I dream of that child. She is a baby now and she might look like the little one I feel in love with in Mombasa, Kenya.
I would love a baby like this one. The one I have dreamed about.
These dirty little babies were just waiting to be picked up and loved.
Well, I have a few things to figure out before I look to adopt a child. And some beautiful images to remind me why I would want to do such a thing. But it's not so far away in my thoughts lately.
And now it's later, and my tea is finished. Facebook ate up some of my time. But I should say that I am thankful for things such as facebook, and air conditioning, and access to vehicles as needed. So now that I am starting to ramble, I should go to bed. Perhaps tomorrow I will have more intelligible thoughts to write.
We watched Shutter Island, and it was not want I expected. Suspense movies are as scary as I'll watch, and I only will watch them because someone else wants to. Kinda the way I feel about roller coasters. I don't invite fear into my life. Maybe that's why I want that cup of tea. But the movie was not as scary as it was a psychological thriller. We (or I guess I should say, the others) guessed the ending before the movie was over, and that helps lesson the fear factor. It was a good movie though. It still has me thinking about reality.
The starts are out tonight, after storms all afternoon. The lightning and thunder came well before the storm. It was beautiful. The storms came on and off until dark. Now, everything is still and the humidity is way down. I would love to spend some time outside now, if it weren't for the bugs, pondering my reality.
Happiness was holding little Juliette, and laughing with her as she sang little songs with attitude.
I am but one little person in this giant world, born with rights, as any child born in this country is. Upon birth, a US citizen has more than most people in the world. If I were to adopt a child as a single mother, I wonder if that child would be better off to be raised by a single parent in the US. The answer has to be yes, but again, I am just one person, not a set of parents, which I believe children should have, yet I know I could make an eternal difference as a parent. I dream of that child. She is a baby now and she might look like the little one I feel in love with in Mombasa, Kenya.
I would love a baby like this one. The one I have dreamed about.
These dirty little babies were just waiting to be picked up and loved.
Well, I have a few things to figure out before I look to adopt a child. And some beautiful images to remind me why I would want to do such a thing. But it's not so far away in my thoughts lately.
And now it's later, and my tea is finished. Facebook ate up some of my time. But I should say that I am thankful for things such as facebook, and air conditioning, and access to vehicles as needed. So now that I am starting to ramble, I should go to bed. Perhaps tomorrow I will have more intelligible thoughts to write.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Kenya, Books and Summer
I have been reading those teen fiction books, about the girl and the vampire and the werewolf. You know the ones. My best friend has been bugging me for years to read them and I packed the first book in the series (which she gave me about two years ago), in my carry on as I packed for Kenya. I got sucked in to the love triangle as I was flying home from Kenya. That's where it began anyway. I'm in the middle of the fourth and last book of the series, and it's getting strange! I think I liked the second book the best. It was real, and I could relate to so much of it. Now, the vampire is so selfless, willing to give the world to his love, though he can't seem to give her what she needs. I'm more a fan of the werewolf. Selfish and impulsive, but knows how to apologize, and makes things right. He fights hard and is very passionate in all he does. His heart is pure, and seems more real. I guess I have always liked the bad boys, though I do love the old-fashioned chivalry and politeness of the vampire. I'm not as much a fan of the vampire who plays martyr, as it seems right now. Maybe I have become the cynic, but I'm not as into this last book, though the pages still seem to quickly turn. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the 650 or so pages, and reading because I want to. I think at this point, I just welcome the distraction.
When I left Kenya, it was winter, and so I have enjoyed spending some time by the pool, reading and relaxing since coming back to the US. My skin has bronzed quite a bit, and my dark hair has these lighter reddish brown streaks now. All these years, I blamed that on the dye I used to use. But it has been about a year now since I last colored my hair. The few gray pieces by my temples are showing now too, but I let them. The sun is my friend. I let it shine all over me, filling me up with warmth and joy. I missed it when I was in Kenya. Plus, I was on Cipro for a chunk of my time there, so I had to stay out of whatever sun I saw.
I think my body is more than fine now. I was really sick for a few days, and in the middle of a long bus ride, a game park tour and visiting a children's school and orphanage. I am so glad that I am now feeling completely healthy. So much healing has come since then, both emotional and physical. I learned about some fear I had been carrying around for the last two years, and I left so much in Africa. I didn't even realize I had fear, though it was deep and threatened to control. The sleeping issues I have been fighting since the attack in Liberia are now gone. So much was wrapped up into that robbery that only lasted a few minuets of my life. But it's no longer controlling. I have such a new sense of freedom and hope for the future. Life is good. Perhaps even more than good.
I wonder if the desire to go back to Africa will ever go away. I want to live where I am and not worry about where I will be next, but I want to happy where I am. I am much loved in Kenya, and quite a few people there want me to return as a missionary. I would, if that is what God wants, but I'm not as convinced as they seem to be. They tell me all I need is the plane ticket, and they will feed and house me. But life is expensive, and as much as I don't like it, money still rules the world.
I think I'll escape into my fantasy world again, and spend a few hours reading. Hopefully I'll finish the book by tomorrow. Then it's time for a movie marathon with Jessi, watching all the movies based on the books, in order. The third one is in the theaters now. I do love the girl time! I totally love summer.
When I left Kenya, it was winter, and so I have enjoyed spending some time by the pool, reading and relaxing since coming back to the US. My skin has bronzed quite a bit, and my dark hair has these lighter reddish brown streaks now. All these years, I blamed that on the dye I used to use. But it has been about a year now since I last colored my hair. The few gray pieces by my temples are showing now too, but I let them. The sun is my friend. I let it shine all over me, filling me up with warmth and joy. I missed it when I was in Kenya. Plus, I was on Cipro for a chunk of my time there, so I had to stay out of whatever sun I saw.
I think my body is more than fine now. I was really sick for a few days, and in the middle of a long bus ride, a game park tour and visiting a children's school and orphanage. I am so glad that I am now feeling completely healthy. So much healing has come since then, both emotional and physical. I learned about some fear I had been carrying around for the last two years, and I left so much in Africa. I didn't even realize I had fear, though it was deep and threatened to control. The sleeping issues I have been fighting since the attack in Liberia are now gone. So much was wrapped up into that robbery that only lasted a few minuets of my life. But it's no longer controlling. I have such a new sense of freedom and hope for the future. Life is good. Perhaps even more than good.
I wonder if the desire to go back to Africa will ever go away. I want to live where I am and not worry about where I will be next, but I want to happy where I am. I am much loved in Kenya, and quite a few people there want me to return as a missionary. I would, if that is what God wants, but I'm not as convinced as they seem to be. They tell me all I need is the plane ticket, and they will feed and house me. But life is expensive, and as much as I don't like it, money still rules the world.
I think I'll escape into my fantasy world again, and spend a few hours reading. Hopefully I'll finish the book by tomorrow. Then it's time for a movie marathon with Jessi, watching all the movies based on the books, in order. The third one is in the theaters now. I do love the girl time! I totally love summer.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Goodbye Kenya
We leave Kenya tonight. I became more attached to this country than I thought I would. I definitely will not miss the horrid diesel fumes, and the other black exhaust fumes that permeate Nairobi, or being carsick and stuck in the back of a matitu, (cheap public transportation, in a crowded van with way too many seats, and a crazy driver) and hardly any ventilation. A cold Coke when we made it to town would usually be enough to make me feel good enough to carry on.
But there are so many people I will miss when I leave. Lacey and I were in a taxi with the Bishop a few nights ago, and as Lacey was tying to nap, he and I had a really good conversation. He was telling me that to really be in God's will, you have to pray for it and expect great things. He knows that I want to get married and have children, and was telling me that if I were to live in Kenya and was supported by a church, it is very easy to adopt. He really wants me to come back and stay for a year. At first I though, No Way! But I'm not so apposed to it now. I could live here for awhile and adopt some babies and work in his churches. I could be a missionary. I really do love Africa.
I was prayed over twice, one for my future and success in ministry and life, and the second time was last night, for my health and the headaches and health issued I have had almost two years, since we were attacked in Liberia. As the Bishop prayed and spoke of the enemy and how he messes with us when God is really about to work, it made so much sense. We were attacked only hours after Jack and I became a team. I think of all the wonderful things God could have done with us, and the great things that begun. He went on to pray that God would rewire my brain, and remove any fear and any ill effect from being attacked. His hand was on the top of my head as he prayed and I could feel my headache lesson. Cathy was holding one hand, and Jane had her hand on my forehead. Just as the bishop was praying, Jane was moved and praying with authority in her prayer language, and so was Cathy. I could tell something was coming out. I was really blessed, and I realized that the fear I still sometimes have is not for me, but for the ones I love. It makes sense. I don['t think I was afraid in Liberia that night until I knew I was ok, but had no idea where Jack was, or if he was even alive. When I knew he was fine, all was right, at least I thought it was. God is good, and I have been so blessed!
God is alive and well in Africa! And I have felt him move in me. This morning was the first morning in, I don't even remember how long, where I woke up feeling awake and refreshed, without a headache or a fuzzy head! Praise the Lord! I am so thankful to go home and serve him in the US once again. I'm expecting him to provide me a job. Doing his work in some kind of ministry, with a paycheck. And I so badly want to adopt. It is more heavy on my heart than ever before. I don't think it will be that far away now. =)
But there are so many people I will miss when I leave. Lacey and I were in a taxi with the Bishop a few nights ago, and as Lacey was tying to nap, he and I had a really good conversation. He was telling me that to really be in God's will, you have to pray for it and expect great things. He knows that I want to get married and have children, and was telling me that if I were to live in Kenya and was supported by a church, it is very easy to adopt. He really wants me to come back and stay for a year. At first I though, No Way! But I'm not so apposed to it now. I could live here for awhile and adopt some babies and work in his churches. I could be a missionary. I really do love Africa.
I was prayed over twice, one for my future and success in ministry and life, and the second time was last night, for my health and the headaches and health issued I have had almost two years, since we were attacked in Liberia. As the Bishop prayed and spoke of the enemy and how he messes with us when God is really about to work, it made so much sense. We were attacked only hours after Jack and I became a team. I think of all the wonderful things God could have done with us, and the great things that begun. He went on to pray that God would rewire my brain, and remove any fear and any ill effect from being attacked. His hand was on the top of my head as he prayed and I could feel my headache lesson. Cathy was holding one hand, and Jane had her hand on my forehead. Just as the bishop was praying, Jane was moved and praying with authority in her prayer language, and so was Cathy. I could tell something was coming out. I was really blessed, and I realized that the fear I still sometimes have is not for me, but for the ones I love. It makes sense. I don['t think I was afraid in Liberia that night until I knew I was ok, but had no idea where Jack was, or if he was even alive. When I knew he was fine, all was right, at least I thought it was. God is good, and I have been so blessed!
God is alive and well in Africa! And I have felt him move in me. This morning was the first morning in, I don't even remember how long, where I woke up feeling awake and refreshed, without a headache or a fuzzy head! Praise the Lord! I am so thankful to go home and serve him in the US once again. I'm expecting him to provide me a job. Doing his work in some kind of ministry, with a paycheck. And I so badly want to adopt. It is more heavy on my heart than ever before. I don't think it will be that far away now. =)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Safaris and Orphans
I went on a safari and visited a school and orphanage yesterday. That's kind of a strange combination, I know. Kenya has been a good time, but I clearly know it's just for a time. It's a pretty cool place, but I would rather go back to Liberia, or somewhere new.
As I was wondering around this amazing US funded school yesterday, I was overwhelmed and excited at the same time. Why do I keep looking, I wondered? I am most fulfilled when I am with children, caring for them and meeting their needs. Why has this been such a struggle to discover? I held the hand of 7 year old Stacy as she showed me around her school. Such a beautiful child, and she was so proud that I choose her. Her smile made my day and I almost cried when I realized she is the kind of child I want to know.
If I was already married and a mother, I would have found my calling, but that is not my reality. I am yet unsure of what I will come home to and what type of job God has for me. I want it so badly, but I have not found it yet. I pray I will find it soon. I leave Kenya in 6 days. I'll be glad to rest and recoup by the pool for a few days, but then I have to do something! I need that paying job! I'm trusting God will provide it soon.
I just can't go too long without a child in my arms. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I came here. I have been so busy and not really missed my nursery job, and my little Mimi, but I sure do miss the babies! Liberia, I miss your babies too!
The things God brings my way!
Laura
As I was wondering around this amazing US funded school yesterday, I was overwhelmed and excited at the same time. Why do I keep looking, I wondered? I am most fulfilled when I am with children, caring for them and meeting their needs. Why has this been such a struggle to discover? I held the hand of 7 year old Stacy as she showed me around her school. Such a beautiful child, and she was so proud that I choose her. Her smile made my day and I almost cried when I realized she is the kind of child I want to know.
If I was already married and a mother, I would have found my calling, but that is not my reality. I am yet unsure of what I will come home to and what type of job God has for me. I want it so badly, but I have not found it yet. I pray I will find it soon. I leave Kenya in 6 days. I'll be glad to rest and recoup by the pool for a few days, but then I have to do something! I need that paying job! I'm trusting God will provide it soon.
I just can't go too long without a child in my arms. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I came here. I have been so busy and not really missed my nursery job, and my little Mimi, but I sure do miss the babies! Liberia, I miss your babies too!
The things God brings my way!
Laura
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A few Days in Nairobi
I’m learning about Kenyan culture as I roam about in Nairobi, and the sociologist in me wants to know more, so I ask. Today we went to a market within the community we are staying at where the Owino’s live. The four white girls wondered around the market with Lorna looking for samosas, which are little triangular pockets filled with something like taco meet and seasonings. I got my third marriage proposal (in the last 24 hours) at the market, as well as a samosa and a Coke. It was the second Coke I have had in Kenya, though it was not in glass this time. It was still pretty good, though I have many good memories of Coke in glass bottles, and not all of them are in Liberia. If coke tasted this good in America, I would drink it, and they would not have a need to change, such as they did in creating Cherry Coke, because the original is so tasty. The sugar in it makes it taste less strong, and it also is not quite as carbonated, so the bubbles do not overwhelm the taste.
As we travel around the country I have notice that few women have babies with them as opposed to Liberia, where many women carry babies on their backs. The women here who do have babies ether carry them on their back or front with a piece of cloth called a lasso that goes over one shoulder and under the other to create a sling. They also use this cloth to wrap their heads and to wear around their waist. It is the traditional way. I have seen woman carrying babies in front packs and baby carriers as well. Kenyans have access to birth control and just like in the rest of the western world; educated people tend to have fewer children.
Kenya is in many ways, is trying to be a part of the western world. There is such a push for modernity, and it shows in the way people dress. In town many people dress in business casual attire. Women walk around with high heels and large earrings. Many woman wear tailored dress pants and men often wear business suits, or polo shirts and sweaters. The people are quite smartly dressed. You see skirts on women as much as you see tailored pants, or snug jeans.
The Bishop’s children, 10 year old Esther, and 17 year old Ian are also teaching me about Kenyan culture. Their older sister Greta (19) has been missing for over a month now, and the family hardly speaks of her. The authorities have been notified, since she failed to come home one evening after being in the city for college. Esther says that they don’t talk about much because it makes them all very sad. I pray for a miracle for Greta to return to her family.
Last night during devotions, the Bishop spoke of God granting us the desires of our heart. It was a bit hard for me to hear him speak about it with so much faith and passion, a man who has a missing child. I’m sure the deep desire of his heart is for her to come home. Life is a peculiar thing. I’m learning much and loving it at the moment.
The Bishop wants me and Lacey to stay a month longer. I would if changing tickets wouldn’t be such a hassle. I do like this country and her people, but I am not sure I will ever return, as opposed to Liberia, which still has some of my heart, though I do still have about 2 more weeks to fall in love. But I am really trying to enjoy every moment. It’s not every day I get to write from Africa. =)
Being here really makes me miss Liberia. I want to go back and work there and adopt some babies! It's all in God's hands!
Blessings from Kenya!
Laura
As we travel around the country I have notice that few women have babies with them as opposed to Liberia, where many women carry babies on their backs. The women here who do have babies ether carry them on their back or front with a piece of cloth called a lasso that goes over one shoulder and under the other to create a sling. They also use this cloth to wrap their heads and to wear around their waist. It is the traditional way. I have seen woman carrying babies in front packs and baby carriers as well. Kenyans have access to birth control and just like in the rest of the western world; educated people tend to have fewer children.
Kenya is in many ways, is trying to be a part of the western world. There is such a push for modernity, and it shows in the way people dress. In town many people dress in business casual attire. Women walk around with high heels and large earrings. Many woman wear tailored dress pants and men often wear business suits, or polo shirts and sweaters. The people are quite smartly dressed. You see skirts on women as much as you see tailored pants, or snug jeans.
The Bishop’s children, 10 year old Esther, and 17 year old Ian are also teaching me about Kenyan culture. Their older sister Greta (19) has been missing for over a month now, and the family hardly speaks of her. The authorities have been notified, since she failed to come home one evening after being in the city for college. Esther says that they don’t talk about much because it makes them all very sad. I pray for a miracle for Greta to return to her family.
Last night during devotions, the Bishop spoke of God granting us the desires of our heart. It was a bit hard for me to hear him speak about it with so much faith and passion, a man who has a missing child. I’m sure the deep desire of his heart is for her to come home. Life is a peculiar thing. I’m learning much and loving it at the moment.
The Bishop wants me and Lacey to stay a month longer. I would if changing tickets wouldn’t be such a hassle. I do like this country and her people, but I am not sure I will ever return, as opposed to Liberia, which still has some of my heart, though I do still have about 2 more weeks to fall in love. But I am really trying to enjoy every moment. It’s not every day I get to write from Africa. =)
Being here really makes me miss Liberia. I want to go back and work there and adopt some babies! It's all in God's hands!
Blessings from Kenya!
Laura
Saturday, June 19, 2010
I'm in Kenya
I have been in Kenya almost a week now and the days are flying by. I have been southwest, past the equator, and back to Nairobi. We will be in the coast next week. I love Africa! I love her people and her children. I am convinced now more than ever that my calling is to serve God's children. And Africa, you will always hold a special place in my heart. What comes next, I haven't a clue. But I do know it will be good, and God will be there. I'm not worried. I know what I love and believe what is right and true. I'm just getting my feet wet here and in the ministry we are doing. It is going to be quite a ride! I'm ready!
God is really moving in a big way. I was elated to open up my email box this morning and receive word that my dad, who has been unemployed for the last 15 months, got a job! It is with a place very close to my parents house. My mom drove by it a few months ago and felt she needed to pray about my dad getting a job there. So he stopped in one day and handed them his resume, but heard nothing. About a month had passed, and they called him this week for an interview. It went well and they called him the next day to tell him he was hired. He starts Monday, and just in time too, because our foster baby's mother just relinquished her rights, and we are told the father should soon follow. Wow! God's time is never late! I'm finally getting that little sister I have prayed for for years! So many things on my prayer list are being checked off. I'm praying a job for me will be next.
Blessings from Kenya!
God is really moving in a big way. I was elated to open up my email box this morning and receive word that my dad, who has been unemployed for the last 15 months, got a job! It is with a place very close to my parents house. My mom drove by it a few months ago and felt she needed to pray about my dad getting a job there. So he stopped in one day and handed them his resume, but heard nothing. About a month had passed, and they called him this week for an interview. It went well and they called him the next day to tell him he was hired. He starts Monday, and just in time too, because our foster baby's mother just relinquished her rights, and we are told the father should soon follow. Wow! God's time is never late! I'm finally getting that little sister I have prayed for for years! So many things on my prayer list are being checked off. I'm praying a job for me will be next.
Blessings from Kenya!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
On My Way To Kenya... Kind Of
Yesterday I left Chicago, Midway, fulling intending to be in Brussels, or en route to Kenya by now. I was up early, traveled to Midway, boarded a plane for Atlanta. Upon landing in Atlanta, quickly got to the gate to board my plane for Brussels, only to find that I, as well as a few others did not yet have seat assignments, and the flight was overbooked. We were not going to get on. After the initial panic subsided, (thanks to my friends and their prayers and encouraging texts)and an hour working with an international ticket agent, I had a new itinerary, an amenities kit, food vouchers, and a hotel voucher.
Thankfully, my team had not yet left Ohare, (I was going to meet up with them in Brussels) and responded to a text, so they got the heads up that I would not see them in Brussels, and to check email for further notice. Hopefully they did by now.
So, along with the two others, who also did not get on the plane, we found the bus to our hotel. I'm so thankful I packed a change of clothes in my cary on! Now in a few hours, I will be leaving Atlanta for Amsterdam, and then fly to Kenya. I have yet to leave the US and this has already been quite a trip!
Please pray that I will make all my connections, and that I won't have any other issues with my travel.
I'll let you know how it goes. This is going to be quite an adventure, I can tell. It already has been!
Blessings!
Laura
Thankfully, my team had not yet left Ohare, (I was going to meet up with them in Brussels) and responded to a text, so they got the heads up that I would not see them in Brussels, and to check email for further notice. Hopefully they did by now.
So, along with the two others, who also did not get on the plane, we found the bus to our hotel. I'm so thankful I packed a change of clothes in my cary on! Now in a few hours, I will be leaving Atlanta for Amsterdam, and then fly to Kenya. I have yet to leave the US and this has already been quite a trip!
Please pray that I will make all my connections, and that I won't have any other issues with my travel.
I'll let you know how it goes. This is going to be quite an adventure, I can tell. It already has been!
Blessings!
Laura
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Big Families and Homeschooling
The chatter of children is going on in the next room. I have spent the last two weeks playing mom to a family with 14 children. I didn't even realize they had that many til I was talking with the oldest a few days ago. I just knew they had a lot of kids, and not all of them still lived at home. I am glad I could help as their mother was away, but am just as glad as the kids that mommy gets home tonight. I miss her too! And I'm glad we will have a day together to talk before I leave.
But I have really enjoyed homeschooling 6 of the kids, as I have been here. I better understand and appreciate the homeschool lifestyle now. I wasn't sure if I could do it, or would want to, but now (whenever I do have children) I hope to homeschool them. This family had a friend from out of town visiting as I have been here, to help them with the family business. This homeschooled young man was quite a gentleman. I was so impressed with him. I was shocked in a way by his chivalrous ways. I wondered at first why he kept lingering behind me on a walk. It took me awhile to realize he was opperating under the rule of ladies first! That is kind of sad, I know. And I was even surprised at how much I appreciated that he was that way. He was a true southern gentleman. I would love to know more like him.
At one time in my life I wanted to have my own big family. Now, I'm not so sure! It also makes me feel like my own family, with 7 kids and a foster baby, is small... The first 4 of us are adults. The three boys and the baby are the "kids." I miss that baby!
Life is so full right now. I keep reminding myself that I prayed for this. I'm not complaining, but I do miss the days when I could get away and spend some time with God at that little pond, I call Grace. I knew those days would be short lived. It was great while it lasted, and God and I talked through a lot there.
My desire to seek God and learn is only growing. I can't get enough! And it has me questioning where I am in life and who I want to seek out and learn from. Even what kind of church I go to. I don't seem to get a whole lot out of church lately. I have been to quite a few in the last few months, as I have been in different places, and I have yet to find one where I really feel challenged. But God is challenging me. I am growing so much in my faith now, and at the same time I am having all these adventures. I am hardly making any money, I don't have a stable job, and I am traveling. But I am really enjoying life right now!
Now the house is quiet. The kids have gone up to bed. This must be the time all mothers look forward to. Too bad I'm too tired to really enjoy it. Oh well! I leave Buffalo for Indiana tomorrow night. Then I will be home for a few days before I leave for Kenya. Maybe I'll get some time to sleep then, between packing and spending time with family and friends. So much to do! And I pray I will come back and get that ministry job with a paycheck that I feel God has for me. I just have no idea what I will be doing or where I will be.
Life can be a crazy thing. God is answering some of my prayers loud and clear. It's so cool! I love this. And I get to go to Africa in less than a week! I'm so excited to see what Kenya will teach me. I feel so alive. This feels so right. Life is good!
Laura
But I have really enjoyed homeschooling 6 of the kids, as I have been here. I better understand and appreciate the homeschool lifestyle now. I wasn't sure if I could do it, or would want to, but now (whenever I do have children) I hope to homeschool them. This family had a friend from out of town visiting as I have been here, to help them with the family business. This homeschooled young man was quite a gentleman. I was so impressed with him. I was shocked in a way by his chivalrous ways. I wondered at first why he kept lingering behind me on a walk. It took me awhile to realize he was opperating under the rule of ladies first! That is kind of sad, I know. And I was even surprised at how much I appreciated that he was that way. He was a true southern gentleman. I would love to know more like him.
At one time in my life I wanted to have my own big family. Now, I'm not so sure! It also makes me feel like my own family, with 7 kids and a foster baby, is small... The first 4 of us are adults. The three boys and the baby are the "kids." I miss that baby!
Life is so full right now. I keep reminding myself that I prayed for this. I'm not complaining, but I do miss the days when I could get away and spend some time with God at that little pond, I call Grace. I knew those days would be short lived. It was great while it lasted, and God and I talked through a lot there.
My desire to seek God and learn is only growing. I can't get enough! And it has me questioning where I am in life and who I want to seek out and learn from. Even what kind of church I go to. I don't seem to get a whole lot out of church lately. I have been to quite a few in the last few months, as I have been in different places, and I have yet to find one where I really feel challenged. But God is challenging me. I am growing so much in my faith now, and at the same time I am having all these adventures. I am hardly making any money, I don't have a stable job, and I am traveling. But I am really enjoying life right now!
Now the house is quiet. The kids have gone up to bed. This must be the time all mothers look forward to. Too bad I'm too tired to really enjoy it. Oh well! I leave Buffalo for Indiana tomorrow night. Then I will be home for a few days before I leave for Kenya. Maybe I'll get some time to sleep then, between packing and spending time with family and friends. So much to do! And I pray I will come back and get that ministry job with a paycheck that I feel God has for me. I just have no idea what I will be doing or where I will be.
Life can be a crazy thing. God is answering some of my prayers loud and clear. It's so cool! I love this. And I get to go to Africa in less than a week! I'm so excited to see what Kenya will teach me. I feel so alive. This feels so right. Life is good!
Laura
Friday, May 28, 2010
27
I am now 27 and I know this will be a good year. I had a great birthday. It was my golden birthday, I turned 27 on May 27th. Jack took me out to a nice place for dinner, and we spent the next few hours talking in a beautiful park. The time sure slips away when we are together. I am so thankful for the friendship I have with him. I have learned so much from him, and God has used him to speak truth into my life. He knows me inside out, better than anyone but God. Sometimes, better than I know myself. This was a birthday dinner, and a goodbye. He will be leaving for Massachusetts for the summer in a few days, and I will be going to Kenya in two weeks. God is sending us out. Different places for different missions. I prayed for this, I remind myself. I asked God to change my reality. He sure has.
It doesn't seem logical, but surrender seems to breed hope. In that moment when we lose it all, that is the moment we gain what we really need. And hope... What does it really have to offer? I want to learn more. I want to know more about God and life and what truly is important. Teach me, Lord.
I know what I want. Not for life, but for now. My dreams have changed, as has my reality. Or maybe it was my reality that changed my dreams. Ether way, I am not who I used to be. It is good.
I leave for Kenya, two weeks from tomorrow. I'm really unsure of what I'm going to do after that, but I know God will let me know in his time. For now, I want to enjoy where I am and become all I can in this season of life. And my days are very full. I am living and being used like crazy. In the mean time, I want to know myself really well. I want to know what I really want and am made for. I get confused about God granting us the desires of our heart. I wonder if I missed that one, especially when I hear of a childhood friend and her husband who just had their third child, and another getting married soon. Sometimes I wonder if I have just not yet arrived. Maybe God has other things for me to do first. I want to do them. God is such a mystery to me. Even more so as I learn more about him. But I believe even more.
Blessings!
Laura
It doesn't seem logical, but surrender seems to breed hope. In that moment when we lose it all, that is the moment we gain what we really need. And hope... What does it really have to offer? I want to learn more. I want to know more about God and life and what truly is important. Teach me, Lord.
I know what I want. Not for life, but for now. My dreams have changed, as has my reality. Or maybe it was my reality that changed my dreams. Ether way, I am not who I used to be. It is good.
I leave for Kenya, two weeks from tomorrow. I'm really unsure of what I'm going to do after that, but I know God will let me know in his time. For now, I want to enjoy where I am and become all I can in this season of life. And my days are very full. I am living and being used like crazy. In the mean time, I want to know myself really well. I want to know what I really want and am made for. I get confused about God granting us the desires of our heart. I wonder if I missed that one, especially when I hear of a childhood friend and her husband who just had their third child, and another getting married soon. Sometimes I wonder if I have just not yet arrived. Maybe God has other things for me to do first. I want to do them. God is such a mystery to me. Even more so as I learn more about him. But I believe even more.
Blessings!
Laura
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Slowly, Steadily, Surely
Habakkuk 2:3 TLB
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"
It has been maybe 10 years since I have discovered this verse. I was so delighted when I found it. I thought it meant that I was about to "get" something, or that God was going to bless me, if only I was patient. Years later, I am older and perhaps a bit wiser too. Though I fought with God over this for years, I finally have given in, and accepted this as my life theme. I like it now.
This is my first post here. I have been blogging on xanga, since I was in Liberia in 2007. It has stored many memories and emotions, but now, I am ready for a new blog. One that is simply about my life and thoughts in general. The other is Liberia themed, though I wrote about life. My xanga will remain, http://letters-from-liberia.xanga.com/
I will be 27 in seven days. I'm almost looking forward to it, and I very much am looking forward to recording the next few years of life here. I'm always excited to see what God will do next. I'm going to help a friend with her big family for a few weeks, and then I'm going to Kenya!
Laura
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"
It has been maybe 10 years since I have discovered this verse. I was so delighted when I found it. I thought it meant that I was about to "get" something, or that God was going to bless me, if only I was patient. Years later, I am older and perhaps a bit wiser too. Though I fought with God over this for years, I finally have given in, and accepted this as my life theme. I like it now.
This is my first post here. I have been blogging on xanga, since I was in Liberia in 2007. It has stored many memories and emotions, but now, I am ready for a new blog. One that is simply about my life and thoughts in general. The other is Liberia themed, though I wrote about life. My xanga will remain, http://letters-from-liberia.xanga.com/
I will be 27 in seven days. I'm almost looking forward to it, and I very much am looking forward to recording the next few years of life here. I'm always excited to see what God will do next. I'm going to help a friend with her big family for a few weeks, and then I'm going to Kenya!
Laura
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