Learning to Live

Wednesday was a crazy day.  So little went as planned and honestly, I couldn't breathe until I was finally alone at the end of the day.  I used my day and the unexpected interruptions as my lesson for youth group.  The second or third in my day came when Sue, came to see if I could pray with a woman who wanted to pray with a pastor, but both pastors were out. Below is the story as I wrote it on my xanga.

I walked into the church office to meet a young woman with tears just rolling down her face.  She was in need.  Desperation had brought her to this place, and she desperately desired change and was here for help.  I spent the next half hour talking with Trisha and learning about her incarceration and the life she wants to reclaim for herself, her 5 year old daughter and her boyfriend.  She met Jesus while incarcerated for drug possession and is struggling to live as a Christian in this world.  She wanted answers.  She has become aware of her sin and she has repented.  As we talked, she told me that she has been trying to read the Bible, but she has an old King James version, which is really hard for her to understand.  She said she had a really nice youth Bible that was sent to her, but someone stole it when she was in jail.  I then prayed for her and this new life that she is ready to begin.

When I said amen and hugged, I told her that we need to get her a good Bible that she can read and understand God's word.  She was very excited and I took her to the Christian bookstore, thankful for a full tank of gas, and a reliable car.  She was blown away by the selection, but finally picked a beautiful youth study Bible (that I have to say, was way nicer and more user friendly than any of my Bibles), and a woman's devotional.  She was so thankful and almost cried a few times as she thanked me.  She said she could have never afforded such a Bible on her own.  After that, I took her out to lunch.  She was hesitant, but I insisted.  I wanted her to know how big her God was that he would provide for her, and really, I was enjoying our time together.  As we ate, she was pleased to tell me that she had just landed a job at a fast food place, and felt very blessed to have it considering her record.  She told me that she had prayed for a job, and could see that it was God's provision.

I asked her, just out of my own curiosity why she picked our church.  Trisha said she intended to print some things out on the computer at the library next door, but the library was closed for a few hours because of a meeting.  She said she really felt that God wanted her to go to the church and ask for prayer.  She really didn't know what to do, but she wanted so badly to get right with God again and get involved with a church and she felt God compelling her to make a move and find answers today.  I'm so glad she did!  And I'm so glad that because the pastors were out, Sue called upon me.  I'm so blessed to have spent a few hours with an amazing young woman who is reclaiming her life, and really seeking to know God.  I could have missed so much if I would have only prayed with her and sent her away.  

When we said goodbye, we hugged a few times, and the last time, she didn't want to let go.  I almost started to cry.  She thanked me again, "for being so nice to me," as she put it.  I told her about our services and invited her to come with her boyfriend.  I gave her my number and told her that I better see her again.  As she walked to her car, she turned back to ask, suddenly unsure, if she could call me.  Smiling, I responded, "absolutely."  She smiled back, and got into her car.

I was so happy when she asked me if she could consider me a friend.  I could have missed such an amazing blessing of lifting the spirits of God's child.  This is what we are called to do.  The purpose of the body of Christ is to help those in need, and share the weight of life.  What she didn't know is that she was an answer to my prayer for God to shake things up.  When I am helping others to meet the needs of their soul, I am never more alive.  I would love more days like this, even with all the chaos that followed (with students arriving early for youth group and wanting to chat and share videos and texts with me).  Wednesday's are my busiest days, but days like today remind me that I am exactly where God wants me.  I am so incredibly blessed to have youth who want my attention, and to have strangers turn to friends in a few short hours, and all because of the God I serve.  

I was totally blessed every day this week.  Monday I wrote about.  I got to free a butterfly, which was still in the sanctuary from the release on Easter.  I set free the new life and snapped a picture of it on my hand before it flew away.  I was blessed and encouraged that evening with a new perspective by my friends in my prayer group, and finished my day with some tea and Mocha Mousse cake.  Tuesday, I helped out, and was totally unexpectedly paid for my time.  I also was blessed by some beautiful flowers delivered to my office.  Wednesday I already wrote about, but that was not the entire day.  It really was a day with so many ups and downs.  I ended up having to lock up the building, because the one who usually does on Wednesday left early.  As I was ready to leave, after youth group, I happened to notice that no one with with a key was still there but me.  So I hung out a bit allowing others to finish up and wandered into the chapel.  I prayed for a time, and when I was alone, I spent some amazing time with God praising him for such an incredible day.  I sang some praises out loud after everyone was gone, and really enjoyed finally having some time alone with God.


Today, I was blessed by running into one of my very favorite people, my Grandmotherly friend, as I was enjoying lunch at the UMW's salad luncheon at the church.  Then I went to help with my Thursday 6th grade math class at a school down the street and had a great time in the small talk as we learned how to add and subtract positive and negative numbers.  The kids were asking me about my church, and asking if they could be my friend on facebook.  It was really cool.  When I came back to the office, I had three happy balloons tied to my office door.  I finished my work week with a massage.  This has been a great week, and has reminded me I am exactly where I need to be.

New Life

Today at church, there was a funeral.  This happens about once a month here, with our older congregation, but this was the first death where I actually knew the woman who died.  I ran the soundboard for the service, and sat alone in the booth, singing the hymns and praising God with the others.  As I listened to the sermon about the life of a woman I had not said more than hi to, and learned a lot.  Not about her as much as I did about life.

Last night in my prayer group, I gained some new insight and even greater peace on a situation that tends to roll around in my brain all too often.  But in hearing the insight of two women I respect and value, I felt set free.  They were so right and I was blessed to receive the message they offered.  It was an answer of "why" that I thought I would just have to live without.  So much peace followed.  It was a bittersweet realization though, because it means that I am not as confused as I thought, but others are still thinking like I used to.

Religion verses Relationship is the way I view it.  The kid who knows all the Bible stories and can play praise songs on guitar looks pretty special, like a "good Christian."  But that shows nothing about the state of the heart.  I have had too many friends from school who were always ready with the Sunday School answer, but were stuck on rules and tradition, fail to have a heart change when life gets tough and crumble in the weight of unknown circumstances.  I have seen the lives of those who I used to look up to, destroyed because of an unyielding spirit.  People fail us, and it grieves me deeply and can be well camouflaged.  See, we look at the evidence we see, with a person's actions, but Christ looks at the heart.  I am talking about a life following Jesus, verses a life following religious leaders.  Look at Jesus and the Pharisees.  They taught law, tradition and justice.  Jesus taught truth, forgiveness, mercy and love.

I only have this one life to live, and I sure do plan to live it well.  I am learning how important it is to extend grace and keep my mouth shut.  Love will always win, even if it is not evident in this life.  I believe more and more that my actions alone are how people will (or will not) see Christ.  With my lips I alone have to power to bless or curse.  The choice is mine.  This is taking a lot of training to control my tongue (and even more to control my thoughts), but I am so thankful for what Christ has pulled me out of, and where he is leading me still.  I am living so much more of a fuller life these days.  Not much about my life has really changed, but the way I view the world has dramatically changed me, and that has changed everything!  I do believe that God is about to do something amazing in me.  I'll be sure to share as he moves!

Good Friday

Today is a day to remember the huge sacrifice that Christ made for us, yet I spent a chunk of the day feeling sorry for myself.  My patience is wearing thin and I am frustrated by the things we allow our human nature to believe is ok.  To hope is to be disappointed, or perhaps surprised, when hope does not disappoint.  To love is to be open to being rejected, but to love is always gain.

I fought with God over a situation I am so ready to be done with and finally, he showed me that I must keep going, that I play a part in his master plan.  He reminded me that he has not given up on me, in fact, he died for me, so I am to persevere and continue to intercede in prayer for another.  I'm so selfish, trying to get to God and worship him tonight, when I am so distraught over something he is already handling.  I opened up my note card box, where I have collected and written around 100 Bible verses over the last year, that have spoken to me.  The first five I read spoke to me, so I stopped looking and thought I would share them.

Psalm 143:10  "Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God.  Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

Romans 5:5 "And this hope will never disappoint us because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts.  He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us."

Isaiah 40:28  "Surely you know, Surely you have heard.  The Lord is God who lives forever, who created all the world.  He does not become tired or need to rest.  No one can understand how great his wisdom is.  He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak."

Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of rightness will be quietness and confidence forever."

Ephesians 3:20-21  "With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine.  To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen."

Lord, forgive me for being selfish and weak.  Lord teach me how to love as you love, and please, God, let your good spirit lead me and please bless me with your strength, your power and quietness and confidence as I continue to learn and grow.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Henderson Settlement, Frakes, KY

Since last Sunday (April 3, 2011), I have been in Henderson Settlement in Frakes Kentucky, with Pastor Larry, three other adults and 8 students.  The settlement is a United Methodist Mission located in one of the poorest parts of the country.  Henderson Settlement was established in 1925 by Hiram Frakes, a Methodist pastor who was from Pineville, KY, a nearby city.  Through the trial of Bill Henderson, who was accused of murder, he heard about lawlessness, lack of schools for children, moonshine and great poverty in the mountains, Frakes, though he did not believe it was all true, wanted to know more.  Henderson was proven innocent in the trial, and weeks later Pastor Frakes decided to take the train up into the mountains, believing that surely it could not be as bad as he had heard during the trial.  When he arrived, he met a man named Scott Parton, who took Pastor Frakes up the mountain on a donkey to meet the local people. 

Parson Frakes, as he became known, meet many of the people and was shocked at the level of poverty, and that things really were just as bad as he heard they were.  Frakes really felt God wanted him to do something to help the local people, but they did not seem very receptive.  As Frakes was about to leave, feeling defeated, he stopped at Bill Henderson’s place and it was when Frakes was about to give up that Henderson said he could have all 48 acres of his land, because he would rather have his children go to school and have no land than his land and his children never have an education.  That is how Henderson Settlement came to be.  It is now a large mission of the United Methodist Church, providing services to the descendants of the earliest coal mining families in Appalachia, and a place for people from around the country to come and serve.

This is a beautiful place and I wish I had even 24 hours here to be alone here with God.  I would love every moment of it.  As I find a new trial or drive down the mountains, wondering what will be around the next bend, I really miss my someone.  Adventures are so much better when you have someone you love to share them with. 

The fresh mountain air and the relaxed lifestyle sure looks appealing.  This is a mission.  A place where missionaries are needed and good people come to lend a hand.  Though we did not do a lot of interacting with the local people, by helping to clean things up and improve homes, it gives the local people more to be proud about.  As we work, they work.  This is a place that needs missionaries.  I guess I was surprised to realize that missionaries are needed in the US.  We just usually don’t call them missionaries.  So it makes me wonder…  I do not hear God calling me to move to Kentucky, but I do realize that God could call me to do his work anywhere in the country as well as anywhere in the world. 

I spent some awesome time with God the last evening at Henderson, and just sang and praised him outside as everyone was playing cards.  I was the only one who still does not know how to play Euchre but I’m sure I had the better end of the deal with being able to be with my Jesus at dusk.  

I'm enjoying this Monday off.  I did not intend to sleep as long as I did, but it was nice, and filled with many great and some strange dreams.  I am now feeling refreshed and ready for a good long week.  I do feel that God is up to something great in my life, and I am very excited for what he will do next.  I believe it will be great.  

Peace

Today I think I have more peace than I have in a long time.  I hate the restlessness that I had all but accepted as a part of my life.  But this peace is wonderful!  I have felt that the tide was turning for the last few weeks, and I believe it really is.  I just know that God is working and moving.  Things never seem to happen as fast as I want them to, but they are happening and I am thankful for that.  I'm just not sure what happens next.

It's not like I wake up one day and suddenly feel fabulous.  It's feeling alright a few days in a row, then a few more.  It's meeting small goals that add up quicker than I thought.  It's confirmation that the prayers I have been praying really are making a difference.  It's uncontrollable excitement after having a good small group discussion with some kids, knowing a few more walls have just come down.  It's knowing so well that you feel in your gut that God is a part of what you are doing and that he wants to bless it.

Realizing that that thing I thought God was telling me, may really be my will, has opened my eyes.  I am learning that for God to open a new door, you have to get your foot out of the last one.  Priscilla Shirer has taught me that when God speaks in that still small voice, he will back it up with scripture and often a word of confirmation from a friend or a mentor.  I am praying to hear God's voice loud and clear from now on!

The conflict in my head is lessened dramatically.  I am very grateful for that!  If years are the only thing to help me begin to figure out life, than I guess I should embrace these grey hairs.  Growing up has not been easy, but I think I just may be starting to get the hang of this.