When I was praying for a nameless husband, the Lord told me that I would find this amazing man who was after God's heart by seeking Him (Matthew 6:33). So I did more than before. The prospect of a husband was quite the motivation for me to do something I knew I should be doing more of anyway. And I knew that it was essential for me to be in a good retinue with seeking the Lord daily and making it a priority, because I knew that when I did meet him, my life would change quite a bit and I would have to guard that time because I need it, and I also need to be sure I am following the path the Lord has for me.
For years, as I prayed for a husband, I prayed that I would grow in wisdom and understanding to be the the kid of wife my husband would need. My ideas on relationships and Christian marriage were not always realistic as time helped me to discover, but the Lord is a patient teacher. I prayed for a man like Jesus for my husband, and most recently, I also prayed for a man like Todd White, a passionate servant of the the Lord, and speaker in the video above. I prayed for a ministry partner in a husband, and that our lives be that of service to each other and to the Lord. And then exactly four months after I turned 30, I met my Ryan.
Ryan is a warrior, a fighter for souls and the things of the Lord. He is so much different than any man I have ever known. He is passionate, athletic, and tough. A real man's man, and is after God's heart. A man like Todd White. Our life together in this season of dating includes seeking the Lord together, serving others and a lot of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Through having him in my life I am learning more about myself, and I do not always like what I discover. I have had to kill off some pride and selfishness in me, more than once, and I am still working on what it looks like to relentlessly follow Christ. I continue to be amazed at how quickly I grow and learn, yet I get so frustrated with myself when I fall short.
Ryan is so full of passion for the Lord and has been blessed with the ability to ignite in others the fire to seek the Lord and instill great motivation. I have been majorly blessed because of this gift of his. Sometimes I find myself begging God for more spiritual gifts. Surely it would have to better equip me for this life. At times, I get frustrated that I have yet to fully realized my spiritual gifts. It is like I feel that I should be able to blink and be at this wonderful place with the Lord and have this even more glorious relationship. I forget that I have to change and grow to be more like Christ so I can be a better mate and a better daughter of my heavenly father. But then I learn that these gifts are already mine! I have to claim them and live in the victory that has already been given to me!
I see this snow covered mountain in front of me crash like an avalanche, only when the snow settles, the mountain was completely swallowed and all is calm and still. A shallow babbling brook narrow enough in places that I could step over is now in place of the mountain. How amazing is my God!?
I want to be possessed by the love of God! My identity is in Christ! I belong to the Lord. I'm learning, and I have some amazing teachers both in the Holy Spirit and in the mentors I have been blessed with. My directions come from seeking Him first and always. No longer will I "wait!"
