I had a great night of worship tonight at a very alive church, at a community service called The Well. The worship was great, as always. I reconnected with a lot of great people I have not seen lately, some in years, including Bishop Lawrence of Nairobi, Kenya, whom I ministered with a few years ago on my mission trip to Kenya. All of these things were wonderful, but not the reason the night was so great.
As we were worshiping I realized that I so rarely have "freak out" moments anymore. The kind where you are in a panic over a thought, something that has just happened to you, or in thinking though something that is bound to happen. I do not call up my best friend anymore, because I am already talking to God about it, and usually have some kind of peace by the time I would think to call a friend. It just made me so thankful that I am not living in crises and also that I have learned from my own experience that God is able. I don't have to wait on him to respond. His reply is instant. I was thinking about this as I was watching a few younger couples in front of me worshiping God, arms raised. Then all the sudden, I had a vision of me and my husband, side by side, worshiping God, arms raised. I blinked it away though. It surprised me a bit but somewhere in my head, I had gone there. I just assumed this vision was my imagination and not from God. I don't have a husband, and it is not looking like I will any time soon. It was however a nice thought.
Often at The Well, we hear a bit of teaching of a concept, and than we "practice," by talking to God and hearing what he wants us to know. After the teaching when it was time to "listen," I heard a few things, however they were things that I want, and I was not sure if it was God talking to me, or just my own thoughts. Part of the assignment was asking God what his plan was for your life, and the other part was what is in the way, or preventing God from working in you. As I prayed for a few minuets, I heard the words, "marriage," "children" and "mother." My first thought was confusion as to where these words were from, and if they really were from God, were those desires what I was to surrender? Or was it just my head and might God have an altogether different plan? If anything, at this point I have learned to be open an not fight for what I think I should have.
I went up for prayer, and two of the pastors prayed with me. They are such great people, and totally poured life into me. My heart was already tender and I most definitely had tears streaming down my face as we prayed and they both felt that God does indeed have marriage and children in his plan for my life. Part of me thinks, "Why wouldn't he?" And the other part of me was sure that those things that I still deeply desire, he was asking me to give to him and they would never be my reality. I remembered this was not the first time someone has prophetically spoken this to me. Yet it was life-giving to hear again.
I cannot see what God is doing, but I know he is moving. My life in the last few years has been a testament to his power and grace. I have come so far in my faith, though I struggle with maintaining that constant contact. Yet, I know that he is the one I can always count on to listen and help me when I am in need.
I know it is cliche to say, but it is true! Jesus is my best friend! And seriously, what mortal could compete with God?
