Peace

I'm sitting in a quiet room in a comfortable chair. The fire is softly crackling in the fireplace as I sip a cup of ginger spice tea. I am getting the hang of my new work schedule and this is the end of the work week for me. I almost feel as though I am breathing in God's goodness.

I invited the Bishop to come talk to my youth last night at youth group. It was the last opportunity because he is leaving Indiana to head back to Kenya on Tuesday. I will miss the coffee and conversation we have shared in the last two months. I'll really miss not having him around to call when I need prayer or godly advise. Email from across the world is just not the same.

Last night after I did my thing, I showed a short slideshow with some of our Kenya pictures. Then I turned it over to the Bishop who talked to the youth about growing up in a hut in the bush of Kenya, and not wearing shoes til age 17. Some of the kids really connected with his stories.

The fire is dying down now, and my tea is not so hot and just about gone. That is the way life goes, but I just want nothing more than continue to walk rightly and for the blessings to continue.

As I consider where God has taken me and where I am right now, I have been blessed beyond my imagination, for the second time in my life. And in the beginning, I was so unsure that this was where God wanted me. But the voice of my dear friend kept ringing in my memory. "Be the change that you want to see," has made all the difference. I have a greater purpose now. A personal ministry to spread the word about the needs of the orphans in this world. I have a found my calling and a very satisfying ministry with a paycheck. These things I prayed for but was told they may not ever happen for me. And now, I cannot think of a way that this new season could be better, though perhaps God will surprise me again.

I struggled and I suffered for years. Life was tough, but God has grown and stretched me in ways that I am only beginning to realize. It has made all the difference. I believe my God can do the things he says he can. I believe life can be hard, but God is still there. I have peace.

I have just about finished the first of a very full week in my new schedule. I love it! Busy is not bad. I have another thing or two to check off my "list" and that feels great. I am further amazed at how God showed up this week, out of the blue, in both expected and unexpected moments.

This desire, the deep and nagging one has somehow found rest within me. My soul is at rest after being happily satisfied (though not yet with what I requested). I'm not really sure what I want anymore for myself other than to be in God's will. That is enough. Maybe more than enough. And now I have this audience that has become my responsibility to teach. It is a huge responsibility, and one I would never even attempt if God wasn't on my side. But I know if I am open, he will fill in where I am lacking. I am believing he will show up.

I'm on a spiritual high right now, and I just want to enjoy it. I have been failed and broken by a few who should have had my back. I realize just how deep the wounds were now that I am being mentored by some amazing godly people who are spiritually mature enough to be above the dysfunction I once faced in a few relationships that looked good from the outside, but made me feel insignificant and unworthy no matter what I did. The best news is that God is on my side, and has pulled me from the mud and mire. I continue to "pray always and never lose heart" (Luke 18:1) for those who have not done right by me, and I pray that I will not cause pain.

I serve a loving God. His blessings are enormous to those who follow his ways. I have learned a great lesson in the last few weeks. To Believe in God and to Believe God are different things. Pray often, as though you are expecting God to move. Believe and he will answer you. He has been speaking to me a lot lately and blessing me like crazy. He is taking care of needs I have long ago prayed for. I am very honored and humbled that He would use someone like me.

Butterflies and Faith

If I have learned anything in the last year and a half, it is to learn to be content in my present situation. I do mean learn to be content, because a new process is required almost every time around. I discovered the hard way that Christ wants and even requires us to lay down our desires and the things we want. He wants us to surrender the control we have over our life and the things we hope for. He does want to bless with the desires of our hearts, but in his time and in his will. And learning surrender is the only way I have found to endure a time of hardship and waiting. But once we know it well, it is much easier to understand when he is calling us to surrender.

Butterflies are so beautiful to watch, and I love what they represent. New birth is created from something that was already alive. If we watch a butterfly from a distance, we can all enjoy its beauty. When that butterfly comes our way, we have two choices; we can ether catch that butterfly, and hold on to it as the dust and shimmer comes off its delicate wings and we can crush it if held it too tightly, or we can enjoy it and let it go, leaving it to move on or come back to us.

Think of Abraham and Isaac beginning with Genesis 15. God had promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. As they waited on God, Sarah, his wife grew tired of waiting and gave her servant to her husband to marry and Ishmael was born. Abraham had a son, but that was not God's plan. No, he truly intended for Sarah to be the matriarch of many nations. So finally after Sarah is much too old to have a child, God blessed them with a miracle, and Isaac is born. They rejoice, but when Isaac is a boy, God again wants to test his servant Abraham's faith, tells him to sacrifice his son. The one God had promised him. And we don't hear Abraham questioning God like Job did. He doesn't say "not me" like Moses did. He just did what he was called to, and by doing so, showed his faithfulness and God showed him grace by providing a sacrifice (after Isaac was tied up and on the alter).

God wants to bless us but first he wants to know he can trust us with what he is going to give us. The hard times hurt so much, but it is then that we grow and become more of what God wants us to become. We are also then more prepared for what may come next. When God sees that we can handle some responsibility, he gives us a greater one the next time.

Notice how Abraham is not confused or in despair as though he doesn't know what to do. He knows God well enough to recognize his voice and his clear command. Confusion is never from God, but from the enemy. Our confusion is often because something is in the way preventing us from being close to God. When we learn to surrender then God sees our our heart. He sees that we are not depending on our own capacity, but allowing God to work his will in us. When God speaks, he often gives us peace in knowing his will one way or another. It is a feeling of settled calm in knowing a choice is right.

Thanks to Bishop Lawrence and Beth Moore (and her Bible Study Believing God) I am learning a whole lot right now about faith and trusting God. As the Bishop will often say to me, "Laura, I have faith for that" or "I am believing God for that." Both are great teachers, the Bishop through talking and emails, and Beth Moore, though her Bible studies and her teaching videos. I am being stretched and pulled to believe more and "asked to" have more faith. So I am believing, and God has been showing up! When I declare I believe God will come through, he has. And sometimes, things are better than I would have planned. I am really excited to have realized all these things in this new season of life. I think things are about to move fast and I believe that some really great things are on the way.

Seads Planted

God is faithful. Always. He is good, even during hard and bad times. I am witnessing a great time of fruit being harvested from some seeds planted long ago. It is really amazing to watch, and even experience for myself. Prayers long forgotten are being answered for my friends. God is moving in great ways right now, and it really is amazing.

I began a Beth Moore Bible study last week, and I am so excited for it! I got the homework for the day done yesterday, and I wanted to do the next day. I am learning so much, and the content goes nicely with another book I am reading. Only my God...

I am being recognized as a leader in the community and in the Church. I have been asked to commit to help build a long term relationship with the ministry in Kenya I worked with this summer. "Laura can lead," I was told one morning when I showed up for the first day of a Bible Study. The group was too big and they wanted to divide it. I came to get fed, I thought to myself, but sure. Someone else stepped up, and I just get to be a participant now. My leader is one of my favorite of the retired ladies at my church. I'm super excited for this study!

Friends I have prayed for and with for years are turning their lives around. Much has happened in even the last month. I am reading this very intellectual book, called Hearing God by Peter Lord. He is a little long winded for me, but a friend picked it up off a bargain table and I have learned so much from reading it. And I have grown in my faith and understanding of my relationship with Jesus. It has been so wonderful! Knowledge truly is power.

I am so thankful to be able to see God's hand moving in my life and the lives of those I love. I have so many connections in my community, and a more clearly defined plan for my life and my mission. God sure is blessing me with everything I need. How could I ask for more?

I still fall down, and it still hurts some days, but I moving forward, and I'm making positive changes for the future and to increase the impact on my community and my world. God is good!