Old Friends

I have just reconnected with an old friend.  We have been friends since we were in a class together in college.  We are not sure how long ago that was, but we think it must have been in 2006.  I said "hi" to her in the bathroom and she sat next to me in class.  And as they say, the rest is history.  We were very close for a few years, worked together, and hung out at school a few days a week.  We would work out together and she helped me do things I would not normally do (both the good and the not as good).  Then I guess life beat me up some and I got really busy with my job, and we drifted apart.  I really only stayed close to a few people during that time.

Well last week, we reconnected over dinner, and today we had a picnic in the park.  She has showed me many parks on our adventures between classes and occasionally skipping class together, but this self proclaimed tree huger has never taken me here before.  It was a beautiful Japanese garden, and I was glad to realize where it was and hope to enjoy it more in the future. I'm entirely in love with the beautiful parks in my area.

Anyway, in not seeing each other for over a year, it was very apparent in talking, that we both have changed quite a lot in last few years.  She seems so much more settled, though she is still unsure of a career path.  As we spoke, we realized that we have both grown up quite a bit in the last few years.  We are both more mellow, and settled in who we are as people.  We were a lot more restless before.  And it is not really about a change in circumstances, but entirely that God has changed us.  It was great to realize.

I'm thankful that growing up gets easier.  I'm not sure I would have realized how far I had come, had I not reconnected with my friend,  And I was delighted to learn how God has been working on her as well.  I'm really excited she is in my life again, and I pray for more blessing for her as she seeks to know him more.

A New Start

I just had a really great weekend.  Last week was a stressful one, but it is behind me now, and God really blessed me.  I am changing directions in life some, and I'm really excited to be heading back to the classroom to work toward a masters in ministry.  I'm not really sure where God is going to take me this time, but the adventure of the last year and a half has sure been exciting!  I have reason to believe this trend will continue.  And I was made very aware of some wonderful people that God has put in my life along the way, who have become good friends.  Yes, I do still hope for the desires of my heart.  But in the mean time, God is sure blessing me!

Thursday Thoughts

I wrote this last Thursday, in the midst of looking for small group curriculum, when I was struck with the business of ministry.  The heart of God is what I want to emulate.  I hope to find a curriculum that will help my students seek and find God.

It’s been almost a year that I have been at youth ministry full time. Baptism by fire is the way around here.   I have received no formal training for this before or since I have been at it.  It’s kind of been a figure it out as you go along process.  It has stretched me and created me into a person much more dependent on God.  I now do things like lead worship and prepare lessons and speak to a large group of kids.  These are things I would have never volunteered for and thought I could never do.  And with some formal lessons, I’m sure I could do them better.  But I’m doing them with little thought given to how big a deal it has been for my comfort zone to have grown so much.  God has grown me a whole lot in the last year.

But crossing this uncharted territory has made me even more aware of who I am and what I believe.  It has challenged and changed some of what I used to know.   It makes me appreciate things and people from some prior church experiences even more.  It makes me see where I have taken things for granted.   It makes me sorry I did.

I have come to know a lot of people in different situations.  It has made me want to love those who are unloved.  It has taught me not to judge, because a person can be just as unloved in a nice part of town, as in the slums.  Children grow up with only their basic physical needs being met, in a life where parents work, and kids have become a burden.  Parents don't remember or do not know that children are God's reward, as Psalm 127:3-5 reminded me. "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children born in ones youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court." 


Some of my favorite people are those I had so wrongly judged "unworthy" when I first met them.  Now, I ask God to let me see people as he sees them.  I have realized that my friend was so right when she said, “I would rather love people into heaven than scare them out of hell.”  I am learning to offer grace first, and know that God will judge.  Why do we Christian’s tend to be so judgmental?  And the same ugly things happen in the church just as in the rest of the world, the only difference is that we hurt each other in the name of Jesus.  And that slap leaves a much greater sting when it comes from a “Christian” than when it comes from someone outside the church.

Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Because we all mess up, I have discovered how important grace and forgiveness are.  When I extend grace to someone who does not necessarily “deserve” it, it’s on them whether or not to accept that invitation.  And should they choose not to, God will deal with them.  However, I am so glad that my God is a God of grace, compassion and mercy.

Only Time

The longings of my heart are screaming out to me today.  Actually it began a few days ago when I allowed myself to daydream about adopting a baby.  Maybe it began as a dream.  I have been having all kinds of dreams lately.  Now this cry of my heart has been getting louder.  So has God's voice.  Just not about a baby.  He says things like "trust me,"  "it's not time yet," and "just a little longer."  Everyone I know seems to be having a baby or having another baby or falling in love, I let God know I'm ready.  And, I told him, that guy in Africa from facebook who likes to chat with me, and hopes to marry me...  I'm not seeing that.  The only reason I friended him was because the request came right after I got back from Africa and I met a lot of people who's names I didn't remember.  Except this one was related to a few of my Liberian friends.  I see God laughing at me for that one and telling me not to worry.  God has a man all picked out for me, he reassures me.  He just is not ready to be married yet, so I have to pray for him.  He tells me this is the guy I have been waiting all these years for.  He tells me that waiting a few years now and spending a lifetime with him will be so worth it in the end.  A few years ago I would have cried over this realization, but now I gladly accept it.

And someday's I wonder if I'm crazy.  Someday's I know I have to be just a little off.  To believe that my creator would love me so much that he cries when I cry.  That he laughs with me.  That he fights for me in the things that I care about.  That he would love me so much, he says no to me, even when it breaks his heart. That he is my number one fan, and desires, even more than I do, for my life to turn out great and to fulfill my desires and his purposes.  That I could even call him my friend!  The Lord is my friend!  Yeah, you would definitely have to be at least a little counter cultural to believe all that.

Something this summer changed in me.  I have no clue when or where it happened, but it sure happened!  I went from praying to "Jesus" to praying to the "Holy Spirit" and now most often I pray to the "Lord."  I love where my relationship with my creator has gone.  And I find that as I get closer and closer to him the things I once loved have slipped away, and I hardly noticed.  I guess I am better off without them anyway.  I have new things, like two new baby nephews.  An adopted little sister who is such a joy.  A mentor turned friend.  And I do have less friends now, but the ones who couldn't weather the storm with me were not true friends anyway.  Time has refined me.

My Creator is my friend!  He speaks to me through others, through his word, and through my thoughts.  It sounds different than my conscience.  It's an answer before the question is fully formed in my mind.  Not all the time, just often.  I have come to really appreciate it.  Only time and God could brig such changes.  I have learned to weather crises quite well by now.  Perhaps what they say is true.  Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  Though I would like to add that if you can learn to surrender, and ask God for more faith, he can do just about anything with you.  And what a great place to be!