Apples

I love apples, only I forget how much I actually enjoy them when they are not in season.  I am really picky about my fruit, and I was reminded of this when I went apple and peach picking last weekend with a friend.  I  expect every fruit to taste just like the fruit my grandpa used to grow and I am sorely disappointed when it doesn't.  Apples are just about the perfect food, but the only kind of apples I want to eat are farm fresh.  The rest just taste bland, as though they have missed the mark but no one has told them.  It makes me think about life.

There are so many healthy resources available to me, but I forget how good they are for me and what they can do to me.  Just in the last few weeks, I have realized how much my thoughts and feelings on life have matured.  I am in such a healthy place right now.  I have definitely had my share of disappointment, but it only makes me remember to trust God, forgive and press on.  How terrible life would be if I did not learn from both the negative and positive of life!

I spent the weekend in Ohio with my brother, his wife and their precious baby, Teddy.  It was the first time I met the little guy, and he is already 2 months old.  He has yet to learn about apples, and consequences, heartache and success.  God has given him amazing parents who I love and respect very much.  They have God and everything they need to raise him well.  And I know they will.  Watching them all together as a little family made my heart ache for my own little family.  And in a quiet moment when I was alone and brought that thought before God, he immediately reminded of Jeremiah 29:11.  Yes, good plans, I believe that much is God's will, but what might they include?  Might I really still have a shot at marriage and parenthood?

Me and Teddy

And then I remember apples.  And my baby nephew's, Gabriel and Teddy.  And I know that though these great desires remain unsatisfied, I have a lot more than I need.  And as I held little Gabriel in my arms today after a struggle to get him to sleep, I wondered about all the little babies who do not have enough food, let alone someone to rock them to sleep.  And I pray for the little one who may already be born, who will someday call me mom.  I hope not too many more years go by before God opens the doors for me to adopt. I am resting in knowing that God has great plans.  And that reminds me of the sermon I heard in Ohio this weekend, that was on Ephesians 3:14-2.  I just have to be sure that power within me is healthy so I may hear that still small voice when he speaks.  Thank you, John Eldredge for writing Walking With God, which has given me a better clue as to how to talk to God and really hear from him.  I'm about 1/3 of the way through, and it is so engaging and encouraging.  God is teaching me a lot, and I sure hope he will continue to for the rest of my life.