Peace

Today I think I have more peace than I have in a long time.  I hate the restlessness that I had all but accepted as a part of my life.  But this peace is wonderful!  I have felt that the tide was turning for the last few weeks, and I believe it really is.  I just know that God is working and moving.  Things never seem to happen as fast as I want them to, but they are happening and I am thankful for that.  I'm just not sure what happens next.

It's not like I wake up one day and suddenly feel fabulous.  It's feeling alright a few days in a row, then a few more.  It's meeting small goals that add up quicker than I thought.  It's confirmation that the prayers I have been praying really are making a difference.  It's uncontrollable excitement after having a good small group discussion with some kids, knowing a few more walls have just come down.  It's knowing so well that you feel in your gut that God is a part of what you are doing and that he wants to bless it.

Realizing that that thing I thought God was telling me, may really be my will, has opened my eyes.  I am learning that for God to open a new door, you have to get your foot out of the last one.  Priscilla Shirer has taught me that when God speaks in that still small voice, he will back it up with scripture and often a word of confirmation from a friend or a mentor.  I am praying to hear God's voice loud and clear from now on!

The conflict in my head is lessened dramatically.  I am very grateful for that!  If years are the only thing to help me begin to figure out life, than I guess I should embrace these grey hairs.  Growing up has not been easy, but I think I just may be starting to get the hang of this.