What I Want

"Laura, what do you really want?" A friend just asked me. "Whatever you want, God will do it for you." It is not an easy answer, especially in this economy. I know I can't find it and so I try to seek what I want. I want a good paying job. When the economy is tough, people go back to school. I do want more education, but I am really questioning weather or not I need to work toward a masters right now. If I could just find a really good job... But hardly anyone is finding those right now.

What I really want a husband who gets me. A best friend who loves God and others, and wants to love me, even when I am unlovable. A man who chooses to love me, even when I just know I am right, and when I am grumpy and difficult to deal with. One who is a bit old-fashioned and romantic.  I am generally easygoing, but I know I can be difficult at times. However I am usually good at forgiving and forgetting. And I want to be a blessing to my husband. I want to care for him and our family. I want him to feel blessed to have married me.

And I want the baby in my arms to finally be mine! If I am going to put fourth so much time and energy in raising a child, I would like to be the one they call mama and get to have a voice in their life. I know there are a few dark-eyed children out there, waiting to have a mother. And I suppose I would like to give birth to a few children as well.

Swimming around in my head are verses like, Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." And Matthew 6:33, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things should be added to you." Do I not seek enough?  Do I not delight myself in Christ enough? Are these verses really for everyone? I have had some great adventure, and I do not want it to be over. And so I wait.