Camp is Over

I had a great time at camp, but I am so glad it's over.  I'm tired just thinking about it!  It was a good week, and I am ready for a get away to spend some much needed time with God.  Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to find that time.

At the cross where I spent some time with God

Tuesday at camp, I spent horizontal hour at the valley fire circle.  I knew before I went to camp that God and I were going to do some business.  I was right, and it hurt.  I want so badly to be delivered from a situation that remains on my heart.  I pray and pray and hope for someone I love, and see such few results.  The real change, the big deal moment has not happened, though so many near death experiences have.   How close do you need to come to death, and how many times, before you can say that God is watching out for you?  Anyway, I am sick of praying for this friend, yet I still feel lead to.

Cross at the fire circle 

Well, long story short, God told me that I just need to keep at it.  That he was not going to release me from carrying this weight for my friend, and that he would handle it.  I don't see much evidence of change and every selfish word breaks my heart.  But God keeps telling me to persevere, that the payoff will be worth it.  As I was praying, and beginning to tear up out of my frustration, and this situation, my Bible flipped pages in the breeze, and stopped at Habakkuk 2:3, to the place that was underlined in my translation, "time is coming soon."  Then I really started to cry.  I sure hope that is true, because from where I sit, it doesn't look like it at all.  But I keep remembering that God can see the big picture when we can only see what is in front of us.

I am mostly content right now, and I usually am.  I had learned to be discontent, and God has really done a work in me.  He took away from me the things I wanted  most.  I have mostly recovered from that.  And I do expect so much more.  So much better.  I want a HUGE apology from the one who hurt me more than any other, once realization of actions finally sinks in.  I think denial abounds now.  And I suppose I could be waiting years, but I believe, that will be the day that I can finally move on.

A mutual friend told me their perception is that our friend is dealing with bitterness in life, and that is a killer.  And I have so many things I would like to say to this friend the next time we meet, but I have no plans.  I have days worth of lectures that brew in my head.  They are waiting to be poured out and completely saturate the parched bones of the one who has gone astray.  But only God could orchestrate such a meeting, because I'm not going to create a mess for myself again.  If there is anything I have learned in the last few years, it is when to bite my tongue.

I pray for a ministry partner as everyone seems to be getting married, or celebrating marriage by having babies all around me.  That thought often comes, that I am missing out in my singleness.  That if only I had a good godly husband that I could experience the fullness of life I desperately desire.  I know there will never be a magic button or anything, but I so badly wish I had someone.  Someone to share ideas with.  Someone to kiss good morning, and hold me when I'm sad.  Someone I knew was praying for me and fighting on my behalf to God, in the hard moments.  Man, woman and God, coming together in a fullness that only happens in marriage.  Marriage was God's idea, and I pray he will provide and let me in this club.

I'm an aunt again.  Perhaps that's where this came from.  Edmund William was born on Friday.  Now I have two nephews, born 12 days apart.  Perhaps someday I will be able to give them cousins.  I am excited to be an aunt again, and I can't wait to meet little Edmund.

My day just dramatically improved.  Baby Gabriel is here for a visit!

I'm totally falling in love with this baby

Being an aunt rocks!