I spent the weekend, (27 hours strait so far) with my youth this weekend, and we are wrapping up a ski retreat tonight. We had a whole lot of fun with some great kids, and I got to catch up with other leaders and pastors I know from others churches also involved in the retreat. I am not the only one who has had a rough few years. I was to talking to my buddy Josh, who had some similar experiences as me in the last few years, and he referred to February 14 as "Singles Awareness Day."
I usually dread Valentines Day, because I have only had an "other" one Valentines Day in my life, and I had to work that evening and though he helped me, we argued most of the evening. I am yet unsure how I feel about it this year, but I just read the adorable story about the courtship of a happy wife, who lives the life I thought I would be living by now. She has babies and children from Africa, and a husband who adores her. It was a precious story, and it made me smile. Girls want to believe in love. My single friends and I want to believe there are some good guys left as we get older, and that more can still be found. An older, wise Christian lady told me that I shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who worships me. I was not expecting that from her at all, but sure, what kind of a girl wouldn't love that?
And since I do not have an amazing man in my life right now to brag about, I'm so thankful that I do have Jesus, who gave us the example of love and forgiveness, because withough it, life can be really bad. I know that love, yes broken, can be made new, because of Jesus. I hope and pray that I will one day know how wonderful being married is, but that means I will also know how much it can be a struggle. But perhaps that is more insentiave to work on making it be the best it can be, because who would want to settle for less?
What I have learned about myself is that I am totally committed to what God places me in. I am loyal and expect nothing less from those I let close. I pray expediently that God will bless me with a man who has a deep commitment to godly lifestyle, and with beliefs rooted in Christ, which will allow me to know that he is a man who knows how to commit, someone who does not give up when things get rough, because the longer I live the more I see that life gets messy. But I have learned that commitment to your beliefs and a Savior is vital to remain grounded when the storms of life come.
I do have great hope for the future, and I could go on and on about the man I have been praying for, but it does not so much matter who he is but rather who he belongs to. A man who does not know Jesus, or worse yet, knows him and rejects him, does not have his life together enough to care for the emotional and spiritual needs I am going to have. I want so much more than that from a husband. I know that God wants the best for me and I pray that in his time, he will bless me with a man who compliments me in the way God intended. I pray that I can be open and honest with him even when it's really hard, and it really hurts,
because this is something that is difficult for me because I hate conflict, but God is working on that with me too. I pray my future husband will offer security in being steady and coming through. This is a huge deal for me. I know that people will always let you down, but it is Christ we must put all our faith in. But I pray he will be humble enough to know how to forgive well, and forget and realize that a little romance goes a long way.
I pray for now that God would hold me so very near. I pray that he would use this time of singleness in my life to show his greatness to me and though me. I pray that I might be the sunshine in the lives of those around me. I want to be a silent witness of God's greatness and of his goodness. I believe that God in his mercy will provide for my needs as they come, and when the time is right, he will bless me with a little more. I pray in the mean time, I would grow closer to him and become so much more dependant on him, and that he would be my soul focus now and that I would grow in my faith, wisdom and understanding.
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