Teenagers!

I love being a youth director and the crazy kids who text and facebook chat me at all hours. They are not so bad, and I appreciate that they have accepted me as one to share stories with and confide in. I'm stretching this week to look into some of the issues they face, so I can better help them as they have questions. I'm researching cutting right now. I have to say that I am overwhelmingly upset by it the more I find out. Teens who cut, (scratch or cut skin with razor or other sharp objects til it bleeds),or self-mutilate often do so because they need an outlet for psycholigical pain, usually from depression or a trauma. From what I have discovered, prevention (or the cure) for this and other kids of trouble teens get into is as simple as an adult who cares enough about them enough to ask questions and check up on them. If this is the case, often it will not go far or become a habit. Having someone to confide in who will provide unconditional love seems like the answer to so many issues people face. They so badly want someone to believe in them. They want to know it is going to be OK and that they are not alone and they do have what it takes to make it through the issue at hand.

The solution appears to be all about prevention. Train your children! Proverbs 22:6 says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." I am just realizing now how huge a command this is. I'm not a parent yet, but I know that as someone who has had a hand in raising numerous children, so many of us fall so short of this. Teens want and need to feel loved and accepted. It is why they get pregnant and make other big mistakes. They want to know why they should not do something, so if no one has taught them what is the right way (or sometimes even still) curiosity will lead them to experiment. Parents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, we have to offer this unconditional love to them! If we don't they will try to find it in the world and it will cost them, and us.

Some of the experimental things kids do is just because they are curious. They want to feel the emotional rush of a first kiss, and wonder if he will still be there if she doesn't give everything to him. They suffer from not fitting in, and an extreme lack of experience. So they go on adventures and they do whatever sounds good in the moment. They do not think about the future or even the next week.

But the kid who has had a parent who tells them things like "There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you," (and really live it) will have a much better chance of making the "right" choice when push comes to shove. The difference is that children must be taught at such a young age that decisions about sexual purity, doing drugs and harming yourself or others, have already been made. If they know they are greatly loved by a parent, they will will be less likely to make the stupid choice, because the unconditional love is established, and among other reasons, it will not produce the parental shock most kids desire.

The most frustrating thing for me right now is teen neglect on the part of a parent. I don't see it often, but it looks so ugly and costs so much. I'm automatically drawn to such kids, and my heart cries for the parental love that is lacking in their lives. Rich or poor, it is still there and it is just devastating.

So parents, keep on praising your children and offering them unconditional love and grace. Punish them when they mess up, but never withhold love! Teenagers today are dealing with all kinds of pressure and feeling misunderstood. My heart goes out to them and I'm increasingly convinced that if at all possible, I will be homeschooling my children. There is so much to learn both in and outside of the classroom, and I want to be sure they have a great foundation for being successful in life.