Worship and Seeking God

My new church has a very traditional feel to the Sunday morning service. Well, It's not just the service. It's the ornate stained glass windows and the amazing architecture which gives it a cathedral look and feel. I was quite surprised at how much I liked it my first Sunday, after enjoying mostly contemporary services in the last few years. My worship experiences have included a myriad of different adventures, from very traditional to very non-traditional, and include prayer meetings with people speaking in tongues, lively services in Africa, to seeking God solo under the evening stars and anywhere in nature, especially along (any) coast. I have come to expect God to be where I am. I come expecting to seek and find God to show up.

I'm learning a lot right now about life. I have been for the last two years, but I realize that I have to relearn some and erase some bad theology. People unwittingly lead us to the wrong place, but right now, I am super blessed to have some wonderful people in my life walking beside me, prying with me, sharing life. I am not ungrateful, though I desire so much more. And by the worlds standards, my wants are really not very out of the ordinary. By the Bible's standard, they are spot on. I feel cursed some days, as though I will always be left wanting, yet I realize that I will never truly arrive til the end of my life. I accept that.

Surrender is never an easy thing. I have come to accept it as essential for peace, but my heart has yet to find itself at rest. This lifelong dream of mine is not what I'm living now. Don't get me wrong, life is full and good, but yet something is missing. I have been blessed with so many of my dreams and hopes and am mostly satisfied, but some days I just want to scream. I feel like I got it all wrong. But I cling to God's promise in Matthew 6:33 that if I will first seek his kingdom and his righteousness, then, oh yes, then the blessing will come. And he has these things for me, I believe he does. This waiting just seems to have become my life.

But I worship Him in prayer and praise. Just around from my office is this great little chapel I often wander into and pray and sing my heart out to my creator. The stained glass and the ornate wood carvings tell about the faith traditions of those gone before us, preserved to now, for people like me to enjoy. God is in that place.

I'm waiting on the Lord. Perhaps it will become my life, but at least by now I know the drill. Maybe in a few more years I'll actually be better at it. I can only hope.